❀ The Disease Called Love [Oumasai/Saiouma] ❀

The Only Relief Comes When

✧ Chapter 43 ✧
[ The Only Relief Comes When ]
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[ Kokichi's PoV ]

I woke with that pain in my head again. Almost after every time I jolt awake from my nightmares, I find myself wishing to stay asleep than to be plagued by this pain.

The only thing making me sit up every day was so I could see Saihara-chan on the other side of the glass. Each day, I slowly made my to the blue stained window to rest my forehead against the cool surface.

Each day, I would watch as Saihara-chan cried for me. And each time a tear trailed drown his cheek, that pain in my head kept going. I had to get out of here, I wish I could, but the pain was unbearable.

What was I thinking?
Why did I do this?
Was it all worth the risk?

So, as per usual, I was leaning against the glass today, staring up at the cracked ceiling. If I turned by head slightly, I could see my beloved Saihara-chan sleeping against the glass. Apparently he had cried himself to sleep, the sliding handprint on the glass holding proof. I sighed, turning away from him, hugging my knees as I breathed in the scent of antiseptic. I wanted to wake him up so we could talk, but I knew he's been staying up.

Every time my vision started to blur as I lie  on my bed, I would see his silhouette by the glass.

I didn't know what Saihara-chan was going through. But the fear in his eyes was obvious each day. In fact, I didn't even know how long I was in here. I couldn't count the days, since there wasn't any windows. Just dimmed orange lights overhead. If I stared at those pale lights each day, as I lie on that hospital bed, I could imagine it was the warm, beautiful sun.

I rubbed my head, and for a moment, I couldn't breathe. My throat tightened as I struggled to take a breath. It was happening again.. I squeezed my eyes shut as more memories of Saihara faded away. Clutching the sleeves of my hospital gown, I tried to distract myself from the pain.

Damnit.. if this went on, I would forget Saihara altogether. I didn't want that.. why would I? "Shuichi Saihara." I heard myself mutter. Each time I whispered his name, I felt my throat going dry and my heart beating wildly. Was this what love was?

Maybe if I repeated his name everyday, would that help? Would I be able to force myself to remember? But if I were being honest with myself, I can't remember how we met.

I remembered the black cat I used to own back when I was staying my foster family. With its dark green eyes and black fur. Why could I remember that when I cant remember how Saihara and I met?

After what seemed like eternity, the aching pain finally faded, leaving me breathless. I leaned against the glass, hitting the back of my head with a loud thump. That.. was a little louder than I intended..

I saw my boyfriend —oooh right, he's my boyfriend— wake with a flinch, his gorgeous blue hair falling in front of his gorgeous golden eyes. "Kokichi.." I heard him say. His voice was muffled as I wordlessly pressed my hand against the glass.

"Sorry for waking you.." I managed to say, as my head started to throb painfully again, "Actually, nah, I'm not sorry." I cracked a half-hearted smile.

The other boy smiled as well, despite his golden-grey eyes starting to fill with tears. Again. Seriously.. how much longer could he cry for? "Starting the day with a lie, I see."

"Y'know me, Mister Detective." I sniffled, "Always positive and endearing!"

I watched my beloved Saihara-chan press his forehead against the glass, "I'm glad you still remember me."