Love like no other

Why Cant It Be Me?

I woke up to Taylor's arms around me. I turned over on my back and smiled at him. He said "good morning" I kissed him. I laughed a little and said "good morning". I got up and said "when do you have to be at work?" while I was brushing my long hair out. He had his head resting on his hand and said "in about 8 hours. I'm flying to Chicago, I would ask you to go but you have Joey." I shook my head in agreement. "Well we will be ok here. You need to get to the airport in an hour so you better go get ready." I said as I put my heels on. he said "I know, I'm going to go get ready, I love you and I will Skype you guys later tonight." He kissed me. I said "ok, I love you too. I'm going to go now." So I left to go get Joey from my moms.

When I arrived home, I was sitting on the couch and Joey was asleep in my arms. I looked down and he was crying and trying to catch his breath. I called 911 and I was freaking out. The person on the phone was trying to tell me what to do. I just started crying, not knowing what to do.

It felt like hours but the paramedics came finally and put him in the gurney. I hopped in the back of the ambulance with him. I was praying and hoping that he was okay but it seemed to get worse.

We got to the hospital and I stayed right by his side the whole time. They hurriedly put him on the bed and gave him an oxygen mask. He was struggling to breath and I just couldn't help but to cry. Then the heart monitor finally let up and was beeping normally. I stood there watching my baby's little chest go up and down, just crying and wishing it was me and not him.

This female doctor came in the room and said "mrs.kinney?" I shook my head and said "yes, is he going to be ok?" the nurse looked down and said "well, yes he will but we are going to keep him for a couple days just to see how he does. Unfortunately, Joseph does have a severe form of asthma and we are going to prescribe him a nebulizer treatment and some medication to ease it." I smiled briefly and I said "I need to call my husband and tell him what Is happening." She nodded and I got up and kissed Joey on the forehead. I walked down the hall and went down stairs to call taylor. I went outside and dialed his number.

Taylor said "hey honey, whats up?"
I broke down crying and said "T, I don't know w-what to d-do. I need you!" he said "stef, calm down, what happened?" I paused for a moment and said "I can't calm down, Joey and i are at the hospital right now." I was now crying worse than before. "I will catch a plane back there right now. I'm packing my stuff. I will be there before you know it!" taylor said with a panicky voice. I said "okay, please just hurry, I can't do this alone!" I hung up the phone and dried my eyes a little. I headed back up the elevator to Joey.

I fell asleep in a chair next to his crib. I couldn't sleep but I tried to at least get a few hours of sleep. My thoughts were extremely overpowering and all I could say to myself was "what did I do wrong?"

I felt someone rub my shoulders. I knew that feeling, it was taylor. "Babe! I'm so happy your here, I don't know what to do!" I said as tears escaped my eyes. Tay rubbed my head and said "I know honey. don't worry, I'm here for him and you. What is exactly wrong?" I let go of his hug and sat down in the chair with my face in my hands. "He has a severe form of asthma and he will have to have a nebulizer treatment and medication to help it. Babe I dont know what to do! I wish it was me and not him. I wish I could fix it but I can't, I'm the worse mother ever" taylor embraced me with a hug and rubbed my head. I cried into his shoulder and he said "this isn't your fault and you are the best mother I know! if it wasn't for you, he wouldn't be alive and a bad mother would have left him here alone but no, not you. you stayed with our son. It will be ok." I shook my head and let go. We were just so worried about him. Some people say asthma isn't a serious thing but it is. I used to think it wasn't but it's really a life or death situation. I'm going to be so worried when I go back on tour now.