Consumed: Always & Forever | Shawn Mendes |

18

I couldn't believe what just unfolded in our home.

My wife, the woman holding my child had gotten to the breaking point that she slapped me.

I understand how overwhelming this time might be and how much stress she might be under but clearly I was missing major key points because that was a whole other level of Yvette that I never saw.

I touched my cheek where her hand left a sting that still had a light tingling sensation to it.

"Fuck." I moaned lowly at the pain I was feeling physically and mentally.

The waitress placed my Americano in front of me, "anything else I can get for you hun?" She asked as she waited for me to answer.

I gave her a quick no thank you and she went to another table.

I sat in the small cafe just replaying everything that unfolded from the moment I landed and go to the condo and the first altercation.

My wife wants me to be here, she wants me to be as excited about our son coming like I am with my music and touring and festival runs.

Why is it so hard for me to be here?

That was the question.

I took a small sip of the hot coffee and placed it back down my wedding ring clicking on the handle of the cup lightly.

Don't get me wrong I am over the moon about us having a child and finally being able to start the family I've always envisioned for us, but there's a small part that feels like what if this isn't the right time? I've been on a music hiatus for so long and even though the acting thing has been fun it's not my music, it's not touring, it's not my fans.

"If you had to choose between me or your music, who's would you choose?"

I flashback to that night years ago in Brooklyn with Yvette.

The night I asked her to marry me off on a whim and when she said no even though a huge part of me was relived I was always hurt tremendously. But when she ran back practically yelling yes, I felt riddled with guilt, but when she made me choose her or my music. I wanted to choose her, I was so close to choosing her but I didn't because I didn't trust myself, I was scared, I was terrified that she would regret choosing me. So I chose my music, and even though it tore me to my core seeing her cry and her heart literally break in front of me I knew it or so I thought that she would hate me and it would make it easier for her to forget me. She didn't, she understood even with her heart bleeding she still took me into consideration.

Here I am now, years later, a marriage and a happy home and I'm about to risk it all for what? My music? Is this who I had become? The guy who always chose his work over his family? Over the girl he loves, again? Over my child?

My phone began to vibrate in my pocket, snapping me out of my downward spiral.

I grabbed it and the screen light came on.