Unshed Tears

Kabanata20- Deny to death!

We can't totally say that love is something that would make a marriage work, or even a relationship. There are still a lot of things to consider. But knowing our situation, hindi ko masasabi kung ano ang estado namin. We're marrying not because we love each other, well, I love him, but it's just one sided. Kapag nagmahal ka kase, hindi ka dapat maghangad ng kapalit. Pero hindi mo pa rin mapigilang umasa, hindi ba? kase masakit sa feeling na habang ikaw, lugmok na lugmok sa pagmamahal sa kanya at walang kasiguraduhan kung masusuklian ba nya ang pagmamahal mo.

It's already a week since our wedding. We do normal things, actually. Trying to reminisce what happened on that fateful day, my parents were there,and so on with my relatives. Ang inakalang simpleng kasalan ay nagbago. Images of our relatives crossed my mind. They are trying so hard to entertain each other, both from the opposite sides, which are the Revamontes to the Ferrers and Del Fuegos.

Naganap lang ang kasal namin sa isang tahimik na resort sa Caticlan. We didn't choosed the Del Fuego's resort dahil napakarami ng mga turistang nandoon, or even the employees! We planned a civil wedding, pero mukhang hindi naayun sa plano ang lahat.

The wedding seems so surreal. Makatotohanan, ika nga. If only there is no other reasons behind the sudden marriage, I would believe its all for real, pero hindi eh. Just like everything else in the world, its just temporary, and it's just for a show! It's for the benefit we'll gain in the future! For him to have a child and for me not to be alone anymore, but deep in me, there's actually more than that.

Today I'm going to meet my friends in some coffee shop. Pinakiusapan ko na rin si Phoenix na itago muna sa ngayon ang lahat kina Margaux at Andrea. Sasabihin ko sa kanila kapag maayos na ang lahat.

For the record, my friends were all there in my wedding. Andrea booked a flight back to the Philippines immediately when she knew na ikakasal na kami ng kuya nya. At ngayon, napag-usapan naming magkita kita before we separate our ways. Sad to say, Andrea is staying in Maldives for a year or so? Ang sabi nya, may negosyo syang ihahandle doon. I don't know, wala akong alam sa mga bagay na yun because I'm too occupied with my life! Ni hindi ko man lang natanong ang mga kaibigan ko sa mga buhay nila. All I ever think was my happiness. I don't know if it was a selfish move or not. Maybe, not. All of my life I've been so selfless, kaya masama bang hilingin na uunahin ko muna ang sarili ko sa ngayon?

Well, about my family, hindi ko masasabi na ayos na kami, o hindi pa. We casually talk, pero ramdam mo ang pagkailang. Especially with Erika around. Yes, she already said sorry to me about all the things she have done in the past. I tried to be atleast, civil with her. Were sisters after all.

Napahinto ako sa pag-iisip ng mapagtanto kong kanina pa pala ako nakatunganga sa harap ng salamin sa kwarto namin ni Del Fuego. Oh, scratch that. I'm already using that surname now. I can't totally believe I'm now Angeliana Espinosa- Del Fuego. Para pa rin itong panaginip.

Napasulyap ako sa kanya ng pumasok sya sa aming kwarto. We're living in his penthouse since we've got here in Manila after that incident with my parents. I'm very speechless ng una akong makapasok sa kanyang penthouse! Napagara nito! Pero sinasanay ko na rin ang sarili. Mayaman kami, Spanish Knight ang aking ama, noon. Pero masasabi kong wala sa kalahati ng yaman ng mga Del Fuego ang yaman namin. Both of my parents came from a noble family. The Revamontes are an elites too.

"Where are you going? Malapit ng dumilim," narinig ko ang baritono nyang boses sa aking likuran. Pinasadahan nya ako ng tingin mula ulo hanggang paa saka nya binalik ang tingin sa aking mata.
I'm just wearing an uptight white midriff top and a blue high-waisted maong short. Nakapaglagay na rin ako ng kolorete sa mukha kaya komportable akong humarap sa kanya. Kararating nya lang pala galing sa hospital siguro. Hindi ko alam kung saan sya nagpunta kanina. Its either he was in the hospital or in the resort. Sa bagay na yun ay wala akong alam.