Unshed Tears

Kabanata30- Reconcile

Love is something we can't measure or compare with. It is an unconditional feeling of pure contentment without asking too much in return.

We can be hideous about our real feeling but we have to be honest in every decisions we make even if it would hurt us secretly.

Tahimik lang ako at hindi nagsasalita.
Hindi mabatid ang nagbabadyang unos na darating. I moved a bit and let him sit beside the bed. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin. I think all the worst doubts and fears were suddenly vanished because of what he said.

Nakakatakot sumugal.

Pero sumugal nga ako noong hindi pa ako sigurado sa nararamdaman nya, ngayon pa ba?

Argh. Those what ifs filled my head again. Rivulets of sweat came out of me. I'm nervous as fvck.

"Pwede bang wag kang magsinungaling sa'kin Drei? Kung narito ka ngayon dahil sa responsibilidad mo, hindi kita kailangan! I won't drag you to the altar just because you made me pregnant!" I hissed hysterically trying to reconcile with my own mind who was wanting to believe with his shits.

He pinched the bridge of his nose as if  he's very damn mad because of what I've said.

" Darn," he cussed frustratedly.

Nagtaas ako ng kilay sa kanya showing him that I'm not just an easy woman.

"Drei nakakapagod na." My ragged breathing became unconscious. The stabbing pain of my chest makes me believe that I'm all cost but not the priority. I knew it since birth.

I was never been the favourite child.
All my life I've been the unwanted daughter of my parents.

Kaya hindi na ako umaasa pa.

The problem with making people believe that you've had enough is pure bliss. It's hard to forget the upsides and downs, the happiness we've shared but I cannot process everything right away, not when my mind was invaded with the idea of him loving my best friend.

"If you're doing it just because of those nonsense reasons, then I'm telling you not to. Hindi ko kailangan ng tulong mo... Kaya ko 'to mag-isa. I'm not that selfish to..... to forcefully ask you to.... be with me. God knows how much I wanted to, but I don't want to ruin you and Macy because of my own selfishness."

Ang hirap sa pagmamahal, hindi mo malalaman kung totoo ang nararamdaman ng isang tao para sayo dahil hindi mo mabasa ang isip nila.

What if they're just fooling you around, making yourself believe that everything was real even if it's not?

Sa'n ka na pupulutin pagkatapos?

"Ano bang alam mo sa nararamdaman ko?" he said with mixed anger and hurt. Na para bang may nasabi akong Mali na mas nagpalakas sa nagbabadyang unos na paparating.

I never answered him. I remained quiet, only listening to the crickets of the night.

I didn't even notice that it's already dark outside.

He stood up, facing the window of my room, gazing the white curtains hooded by the small droplets coming from the rain outside the rain-drenched window.

"I searched for you. I did my very best to find you, ask your friends if they knew where the fuck you are. But, they keep on denying that they didn't know. Kaya, nung nalaman ko mula sa taong binayaran ko upang bantayan ang kilos ng mga kaibigan mo, na tila si Margaux lang naman ang may alam, na uuwi siya sa Bukidnon kung saan ang mga assets nila, I never think twice to follow her, silently hoping that you're here all alone..... And now, you're here... " kwento nya na puno ng hinanakit.