Unshed Tears

Kabanata29- those three words

The mere sight of the rain-drenched window welcomed my sight just by a blink of an eye. Trying so hard to see it through its vagueness.

It's raining so hard. Ang sabi sa akin ni Margaux, madalas talagang umulan dito sa Bukidnon kase rainy season na.

We are currently talking and catching up some issues when it started raining. I faced the window pane, reminiscing how I wanted to be the object behind the window, so everybody could see my worth. But I just can't surpass my insecurities in my life. I was like a turbulent waves without mercy. Adhering with the unsure feeling of happiness but cries at the end of the day.

"You really doesn't have any plans para sabihin sa asawa mo na buntis ka? Hindi sa nakikialam ako, but I think he deserves to know." I glanced at Margaux as she said in between bites, trying to divert her attention to the pizza she's eating, but her eyes bore on me.

I sighed heavily. Kung pwede lang, Mar. Kung ganun lang sana kadali 'yon, I will never think twice. But, the situation is different. It's risky... it's impossible.

"I knew you've been hurt so bad. But for once, isipin mo naman ang sarili mo...ang anak nyo.." she continued.

I turned my gaze on the window again, so I could totally ignore her laments. Pero sa paraan ng pagkakasabi ni Margaux, iniisip ko ring tama sya. But, ang daming what ifs sa utak ko. My brain is heavily marked with so-called giving up. I don't want to hurt myself more. It's now or never.

"It's not that easy when your mind is clouded with doubts and what ifs. That's it, fear. Takot akong sumugal ulit, tama na ang isang beses." I replied diverting my sight outside the window this time.

I heard Margaux' forcing me to tell Drei but I'm totally lost right away.

Am I dreaming? or hallucinating?

A car was parked meters away from the gate. I don't know who is the owner of that car but just by staring at the man who's standing beside his car, I can confirm that he's Andrei Walter Del Fuego! What the heck is he doing here?

Nakatalikod sya sa akin pero kilala ko ang bulto at pangangatawan nya. He is standing patiently as if he's waiting for someone to come out, with his hands in his pockets. I saw him grimaced as he sighed frustratedly.

Natawa ako ng mahina, kahit gulat.

He's not really good in waiting, huh?

Mataman ko lang syang tinitigan. Never minding the small drops of rain on my forehead.

Here is the man I loved. If I'm Juliet, will he be my Romeo?

If Juliet waited for Romeo and he asked her to meet him in the outskirts of town, holding her hand as she begged to go wherever Romeo will take him, I guess this is different.

Because this is reality and not a fiction. We are living in a world where perfection never exist.

This ain't a fairytale.

I paced back and forth all the time to prove to myself that I have worth.
But I ended up with disappointments and failures.

I thought he's my Prince charming but later on, I've realized that I'm not a princess who can manage to take a long road together with a Prince because I consider myself as the antagonist, the outcast and the misfortune.

"Oh my gosh! Is that your husband? Pa'no nya nalaman na nandito ka?"

I stared blankly at my friend and she was taken a back.

"P-papapasukin ko ba? He's drifting wet. Baka magkasakit pa." she said without looking at me.

For the ninth time, I sighed breathily.