Unshed Tears

Kabanata28- Left

They say, it's painful to make someone leave, when they really want to stay. But it's more painful to make someone stay, even though they really want to leave.

Yeah, right. I know I'm at fault because I didn't consider his feelings. I decide for myself. But, it's okay to let him leave because I know what he's up to.

Kagabi, niyakap nya lang ako ng mahigpit without saying anything.
Para bang pinaparamdam nya sakin na yun na ang huling beses. I cried so much last night. I can't lessen the pain. Parang mas masakit pa ito sa dalawang taon kong pagkakakulong.

Pinagsawaan ko ang sarili sa pagtitig sa mukha ng taong minahal ko ng sobra.
Reminiscing the first time we met, when he saved me from drowning..
all the memories we've shared... ay mananatili nalang 'yung alaala.

Binasa ko ulit ang iniwan kong sulat para sa kanya. This is the only way I can do for him this time. Umalis at lumayo. Actually, I want to personally talk to Macy. I want to ask a lot of questions. I want to know her condition. Kung kumusta na ba ang pagbubuntis nya... kung...... kung pwedeng tanggapin nya nalang ang dating alok ni Drei na maging ama ng bata....

I was on the meddle of thinking when Drei's phone vibrated. Kinuha ko ito mula sa tabi nya at tiningnan kung sino ang nag message sa kanya.

Astrid.

I remember Manang Lusing calling Macy, Astrid. Maybe it's her name when she can't remember anything?

Hindi ko sana gustong basahin ang mensahe pero hindi mawala sa akin ang pag-aalala.

I read it silently as my tears started to fall again. I tried to ignore it. I tried to just ignore it, but I failed.

Astrid:

Walter, thank you for taking care of me and my baby. I hope to see you here again tomorrow. Are you free?

My tears won't stop falling. Namamaga na ang mga mata ko kakaiyak. Humagulgol lang ako... without making any sound para hindi magising si Drei.

I packed my things while crying in pain. Ayoko na. Ilang beses ko pa bang niloko ang sarili ko?

I'm not dumb and I'm not slow. Pero kagabi ko pa napagtanto na late ang menstruation ko. Ang mga madalas kong pagkahilo at pagsusuka....

I don't know what to think right now!
Mababaliw na ako!
Ano ba ang uunahin ko?

Kahit hindi ako magpa check up, alam ko na kung ano ang kalagayan ko.

And there he is, taking care of another woman. Inaalagaan nya ang anak na hindi kanya... habang ang sarili nyang dugo't laman.... pinabayaan nya...

I caressed my stomach. Hindi ko pa alam at hindi pa confirmed kung totoong buntis ako pero hindi maaaring mabali ang pakiramdam ng malapit ng maging ina.

Halo halo ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

Lungkot, pagkadismaya, at kasiyahan dahil iwan man ako ni Drei o iwan ko sya, hindi na rin naman ako mag-iisa.

Aalagaan kita, baby. Tayong dalawa...
We can get through this together.

Inilapag ko ulit ang sulat at iniwan yun sa vanity table katabi ng kama saka ako tuluyang umalis...

Hindi alam kung saan pupunta.

"Congrats Miss Espinosa you are four weeks pregnant." bati ng doktora na pinuntahan ko kanina lang.

I don't know what I will be doing after this. Ang alam ko lang, I'm very happy.

Kahit alam ko na 'to, hindi ko pa rin mapigilang maiyak sa saya.