Baby Love

Ch. 21

Cal was being extra attentive after the mall situation always using gentle touches and soft words so he wouldn't startle me. i was curled up on the couch one night with an ice pack on my arm almost asleep when Cals gentle fingers brushed hair off my fave to get my attention. "Sweetheart why don't we go to bed that cant possibly be comfortable." I nodded putting the ice pack in the freezer again watching his eyes as he stared at the now fully black bruise. "Y you can touch it." I mumbled seeing his fingers twitching, and moments later he was tracing the very outer edge. "I swear ill never hurt you like this angel im so sorry he did this." Pain and anger dripping in cals voice as he wrapped an arm around me leading me to his bedroom. Even after almost a year of him living here I still got shocked each time i saw his huge California king sized bed covered in fluffy blankets and cushy pillows. I giggled a bit when he crawled up into the middle of the bed opening his arms for me. "C'mere my lil teddy bear. I wanna cuddle with my baby." His smile pulling me in like a magnet as I crawled up snuggling into his chest as he turned the tv on with the volume low. His arms wrapped gently around my waist holding me close as I laid my head on his chest breathing in his scent of mint and body wash with a faint hint of the cigarette he smoked after his shower. I looked up after a bit kissing him softly smiling when he was completely relaxed and caressed his cheek. "Im proud of you love. In all of this you've only smoked twice this week" I could feel him smile into my hair as he pulled a blanket over us humming softly along with the tv. "It's because I have you. When you're around I don't feel as stressed, and therefore the urge goes away." The soft rumbles soothing me into a peaceful sleep only to be awaken a few hours later to his arms constricting arpund me painfully until i could hardly breathe. I was beginning to panic as I slapped his face gently to wake him up. Black spots clouding my vision as his eyes finally flew open and he scooted away while i gasped for air. "Oh my god angel.." he gasped covering his mouth with a shaky hand tearing up. "Baby im so sorry i swear i..." "s'ok cal it was just a bad dream im ok." I soothed him gently while pulling him back to me. "Wanna talk about it?" I asked softly while running my fingers through his soft curls. Frowning slightly when he shook his head hugging my waist closer. "J just please dont leave me... I th think im in love with you" the last bit barely a whisper. I gently tipped his head up kissing him softly. " 'm in love with you too bub." I whispered against his cheek giggling when he growls pulling me into him and sucking a super dark hickey into my neck causing me to moan. Which he pulled back and smirked at. "Does that feel good baby girl," he teased his fingers making their way under my shirt until i pulled his wrists away. "I I'm sorry cal b but I'm..." "shhh baby its ok I know you're not ready for that Im not pushing. I just think its hot when you have my mark on you..." he trailed off looking down shyly squirming a bit mumbling something before running off to the bathroom. I was a bit shocked to hear him whimpering my name a few minutes later my face going super red. I didn't know what to do when he came back body completely lax as he snuggling up to me again. I hadnt ever seen a guy have that reaction to me before. I mean there was last week in London but that was just cuz i was squirming, and now I was confused and staring blankly at the blanket as he leaned up gently moving my hair aside and kissing behind my ear. "Whatcha thinkin about my love?" "I i um..." i stuttered quietly still flustered looking at his hand as it laced with mine. "Ive n never seen a guy react l like that to me before. With other girls yeah b but never me and i dunno h how to feel cuz the butterflies make me feel like im choking and that part scares me cuz it feels like a panic attack b but it also feels good knowing y you feel that good around me." I was so red and flustered as his chest pressed tighter to my side. His heart was beating fast as his breathing got heavy. "Some day ill show you just how good i feel around you," he breathed into my hair laying us back on the bed. "But for now its late." His chest pressed to my back as i curled into a ball letting him spoon around me falling asleep quickly.

The next morning I woke to bright lights flashing in my eyes and Ashton yelling at cal about how inappropriate it was to mark his girls like this. "Calum you aren't some wolf claiming his prey you're a freaking famous guy leaving bite marks on a girl its not ok." I could see cal looking down with sad eyes as I trudged over curling around him. "Ashton leave him alone ok. He was just being sweet after he had a nightmare last night... a and i don't m mind really." I blushed a bit at admitting that but giggled when cal squeezed my waist. Ash seemed to relax a bit seeing us together but he still didn't look happy. "Besides its not like you haven't marked people before or are you gunna tell me the ones on lukes hips weren't from you." I raised an eyebrow daring him to argue. "B but I... and he.. how" he stuttered so flustered he couldn't even complete a sentence. "he walked in while changing his shirt the other day and i saw the hickeys on his hips. He was so bashful yet proud of them telling me how sweet you were with him it was actually pretty cute seeing him go from lanky sex god all shirtless an stuff to this shy little boy rambling about his boyfriend" Ashton was a flustered but proud mess now hiding shyly behind Luke when he walked in as I smirked and made grabby hands at Luke giggling when he ran to me practically dragging ash with him. "HEATHER CUDDLESSSSS!" He yelled in excitement snuggling into me. His fluffy hair tickling my nose causing me to sneeze. "Bless you baby." All three chorused as I was pulled back into cals chest while Luke laid against mine petting Ashtons head that was on his lap. After a bit I was feeling restless and wiggled my way out of the cuddle pile making my way to the kitchen digging around until i found stuff for waffles smiling extra wide when I remembered Id gotten Cal a mickey mouse waffle maker as a joke for Christmas last year and pulled the box from the hall closet setting it up. I was testing the plates to see if they were hot when a pair of tan tattooed arms wrapped around me. "Whatcha cooking cutie," he mused humming as I mixed the batter. "Mickey mouse waffles... do you want bananas or chocolate chips?" I asked grabbing both and two bowls of batter. "Mmm you pick for me babe." He answered kissing my shoulder softly then hopped up to sit on the counter as I started making stacks of waffles. After a while the smell of food drew Luke and Ashton out as well both of them taking a stack and crowding at the table. I made one final waffle after handing cal two banana waffles with nutella on them. But after all the mess I made sitting at the table staring at the plain waffle my stomach turned and the demons spoke the ugly truths they knew so well in the back of my ears. I hadn't noticed Ashton dragging Luke out the back door until it slammed making me jump. "Sweetheart..." i could hear the worried tone in Calum's voice as he crouched beside me. His hand a gentle weight on my shoulder as a single tear dripped down my cheek. "Heather?" I turned away from him when he went to cup my cheek whimpering and sniffling as I ran to the guest room locking the door behind me and sliding down the door until I was crying into my knees. Everything seeming to catch up to me all at once. Rian forcing me into a toxic relationship, Ty being toxic and then abusive, dealing with my feelings for cal, and finally accepting that my only actual brother was gone with nothing left but the dog tags I had kept in my pockets since Cal gave them to me. Too scared to wear them instead of the necklace he gave me. It was all too much at once as I curled in a ball on the floor crying until I felt numb and Cal came in through the bathroom. He didn't say anything just sat behind me holding me close as I cried. Eventually I turned breathing in short choppy breaths burying my face in his chest whimpering quietly as his strong arms wrapped around me. "Its ok baby girl let it out Ive got you." His voice was soft and warm like a fluffy blanket in winter wrapping itself around me and helping my tense muscles relax as my mind eased, and I nuzzled into cals neck. "T t too much." "I know honey but im here let me help you,yeah?" I nodded curling into him more. He scooped me up carrying me back to his room tucking me into the bed quickly ordered all sorts of junk food from post mates before putting a movie on and holding me close. When the food arrived he went to the door after wrapping his favorite blanket around me. "Ok sweetheart I know your..." i could hear him trail off as he crouched next to the bed his beautiful eyes watching me intently. His soft chuckle made me smile as I hid my face in his pillow. "You're so beautiful" he hummed kissing my head pulling me off the bed to the couch handing me bag of food. I smiled a tiny bit seeing it was all my favorite snacks and pulled out a can of dill pickle Pringles and an energy drink. "Are you trying to make me fat bub?" But that smile was replaced instantly with a frown seeing how upset that made him and set the food down. "I im sorry ill go.." I mumbled grabbing my bag and a jacket heading for the front door already calling alex when Cal wrapped an arm around me pulling the phone from my hand ending the call. "Stay with me... please?" He looked on the verge of crying as he slipped to his knees hugging my waist. "Cant lose you again." His voice was soft and muffled against my jacket. I sighed petting his hair softly, "w what do you mean again cal... you barely knew me when luke stayed at the hospital with me?" I was extremely confused hearing this then it hit me as he kissed my wrists. "Two weeks after you moved into Alexs apartment out here and youd stopped eating. You had come to the studio with Luke one day wearing Zacks old jacket that was like a dress on you and sone shorts with those terrible graffiti converse that were practically falling off your feet," his small chuckle making me smile as the day came back. "You had left the room to go get a drink for Luke but when you never came back we got worried so I went to look for you. I found you unconscious on the floor of the kitchen with water all around you. I can vividly remember how light you felt in my arms as I ran you to my car driving double the speed limit to get you to a hospital and sitting in the room with you overnight. I was so scared of losing you. At the time I was convinced it was for Luke because I know even now losing you would absolutely destroy him. But I also know now it was for selfish reasons as well. Something in my heart at the time told me you were special and losing you would change me in a way i didn't and still don't wanna change." His eyes were shining as he stood up holding me close. "When the doctor told me how malnourished you were that at your height you still barely weighed 90 pounds i promised them and Alex Id take care of you. THATS why I bug you so much about eating. Thats why I get so absolutely terrified when you walk out on me because I almost lost you once and then Luke almost lost you..." "I i dont know what to tell you cal. Im broken and I cant be fixed. I crumble and shatter a lot." My eyes were filling with tears again as I pulled away from him stepping back and walking out the door.

I hadnt left the guest room of Alexs cozy apartment in three days. Hadnt eaten since before I left Cals, and Id had a migraine from being dehydrated for the past several hours as I laid witb silent tears streaming down my cheeks not even bothering to move when I hear someone unlocking the front door. "HEATHER?!? BABE ARE YOU HERE??" I hear Luke yelling and doors opening loudly before he gets to the one to my room he pauses and quietly opens the door. I can hear his gasp as he walks over. Im sure I looked half dead with dark mascara lines streaming down my face curled around a pillow with matching black streaks. My hair a matted greasy mess from the fitful sleep id had punctuated by brutal nightmares. "Heather... Oh baby what happened to you." His eyes were sad as he carried me to the bathroom stripping me down to my underwear and grabbing makeup wipes gently cleaning my face as the tub filled with warm water. "Do you think you can take a bath while I clean the room up," he asked softly setting me in the tub. I nodded curling into a ball leaning into the wall. I had barely washed my body by the time he came back. He had a small cup with him as he leaned over helping me sit up. He used the cup to scoop water up carefully pouring it over my hair. His gentle fingers scratching at my scalp as he lathered the apple scented shampoo through my hair. My eyes were closed as I nearly fell asleep while he rinsed the suds from my body helping me out of the tub. "Theres clean clothes for you on the bed, and a protein shake on the dresser. I gotta water the plants but I expect you dressed and drinking before i get back." He instructed after helping me dry off. I nodded silently and shuffled out pulling on the loose sweats and tshirt curling sitting indian style on the bed drinking the shake. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand turning it back on for the first time since I left Cals. I was amazed as text and voicemail notifications flooded the screen as soon as it came on. "He was scared you did something really bad, but Alex gave him access to watch the cameras here so he knew you were at least safe." Luke was leaning against the door. I nodded reading through the texts. "L luke h h he..." i felt like I was drowning as the texts turned angry ending with one a few hours ago saying he wished he never met me that... I couldn't even finish reading it as he snatched my phone away. "He was drunk and Tyler stole his phone... Thats why he sent me here and why I was rushing to find you. He.., I thought youd break your promise when you read that because even tho I played innocent I saw your love for each other from the beginning and I know him saying those things would destroy you in the worst way.., beyond where you clearly were from just leaving him." "I didn't just leave Luke its way more complicated tha.." I cut him off surprised when he just walked over cupping my face. "Those things you said to him aren't true. You just struggle but thats ok all of us do." I took a shaky breath nodding and feeling suddenly calm as I finished the shake. I saw the conflicted look in his eyes and nodded. "So you found them... i had only meant it to be a few days." He nodded, "you know those aren't like pain killers you cant just go a few days without them. I see how much better you do with them so??" My lips were trembling as I whimpered quietly. "Lu I just wanted to be normal for a few days... jus a few fucking days with no drugs no doctors no drama but I am so fucked up i couldn't even do three days with the guy of my dreams without breaking and hurting everyone again..." when I finished I was leaning into his shoulder crying and hugging him for dear life. "I i did it because i wanted to actually feel my feelings for him Luke. I wanted to know they were real, and they are and that terrifies me because he makes me want to do things ive never done before..." I was shaking as he pulled back. "That's just how Love is sis, its scary but god when you get past the fear it's amazing." I nodded and let him pull me to his car freezing when I see cal look up from the backseat his hand shakily reaching for mine when I sat next to him. "I didn't se..." but I cut him off kissing the very faint mark under his jaw. "I know Cally. Luke told me what happened and Im sorry I just left like that im just not good with feelings. I get scared and I run thats what Ive done my whole life." I explained looking down at the floorboards. He nodded and reached an arm around me, "I wanna help you stop running. But i know itll take time and thats ok," his fingers pushing my hair behind my ear.