Not Good Enough For Truth In Cliche

I Can't Take This (Take) Any More (Part 3)

(Trigger warning: self harm/gore)

"Good morning." Ronnie whispered as I woke up.
"Morning." I replied, nuzzling my head under his chin.
"How're you feeling?"
"Ugh, sore."
"Yeah, I bet. There's bruises on your stomach."
"Ugh."
"Here, I'll go make breakfast."
"You know how to cook?" I joked.
"A little bit." He slowly climbed out from under me and rolled off the bed. "D'you wanna come with, or do you want breakfast in bed?"
"I'll come with." I pushed myself up off the bed and inhaled sharply. "Oh, fuck."
Ronnie rushed to my side. "Here, I've got you." He put my arm around his shoulder. We walked to the kitchen and I sat at the table. "What do you want to eat?"
"I dunno."
"How about eggs and toast?"
"Okay."
Ronnie started making the food. "I'll kick Mabbitt's ass."
"Don't."
"Why not?"
"You'll go back to jail, Ronnie. You wouldn't be able to control yourself and you'd end up killing him."
"Yeah, I would. Would I have any regrets? No!"
"I would. I don't want my boyfriend to be serving life in prison for killing a guy. You know they're not gonna go easy on you."
"Why not?"
"Hm, let's see. Drug abuse, battery for Michael Cook-"
"Okay, I get it."
"Okay." I laughed. "If you're that serious about Craig getting what he deserves, I'm sure Max will get him for you."
"That'll have to do."
"Do we have any Ace bandages?"
"I'll check." He went to the bathroom and came back holding a roll. He tossed it to me. "Why?"
"It'll be better if I wrap my ribs." I lifted up my shirt. I tried to wrap them, but I couldn't. "Ugh!"
"Hey, I got it." Ronnie came over to me and gingerly wrapped the bandage around my torso. "That good? Can you breathe?"
"Yeah. Thanks."
"Of course." He walked to the stove and put toast and eggs on a plate. "Here."
"Thanks, Ronnie."
He avoided eye contact with me. "You know, you could do so much better."
"Then Craig?"
"Then me."
I sighed. "Ronnie, if I wanted someone better, why would I be chasing after you?"
"Cause you need someone to fill time while you find the perfect guy."
"Well, that's not the truth. You've been my best friend since I was born. You were there when I needed someone to support me. I've known this since the night we slept together. I love you, Ronnie. I don't want anyone better, because no one would be any better."
He grinned and swept me up in a kiss. "I love you."
I laughed. "Go to practice at Ryan's."
"But I said-"
"I'm okay, go have fun with your band."
"Okay. Thanks, Ash."
"Of course."
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I laid on the bed. Ronnie was, in fact, at Ryan's for band practice. It took a bunch of convincing, but he finally relented. I was just sitting, watching YouTube. My phone rang with an unknown number. "Yo."
"Hi, Ash."
I bit my lip. "Craig."
"Babe, please-"
"You hit me. I'm not just gonna let you say I'm sorry and we'll get back together. I'm with Ronnie now."
"Do you know what he's done?"
"Yes."
"Ash, I love you, please take me back."
"No."
He laughed. "I should've figured. You're a worthless slut."
"Stop calling me that." I clenched my fist. "Stop."
"You're just a bitch, trying to sleep your way to money. Fucking rockstars doesn't get you anywhere in life. You're just using Ronnie for his money, for his fame."
He shouldn'tve said that. He knew full well I was shy and hated the attention. He knew I didn't like him to spend all of his money on me. "Shut up."
"I heard he's making a new band. They'll never live up to Escape The Fate. They can practice all they want, but..."
"Shut up, Mabbitt."
"I hope you fucking die, for breaking my heart, Ash." He ended the call.
That was hurtful to hear from the man who I had loved. I reached for the asprin, knowing if a crushed a good enough amount, I'd get high. I brought my hand back to my body. I never forgot anything when I got high. My tolerance was too good. I couldn't just... Fuck. I wasn't controlling myself anymore, it was like I was watching a first-person cutscenes in a video game. I went into the bathroom and grabbed ahold of Ronnie's shaving razor. Somehow I broke it, and then I sat on the edge of the bathtub. Slowly, I dragged it across my left wrist. It stung, but the pain felt better then whatever I was feeling inside. I did it again, and again, and again, until I was woozy and I couldn't form coherent thoughts. The gashes of lines crossed each other and bled a bright red against my skin. I noticed a deep gash across the length of my arm. Fumbling, I somehow grasped onto my phone and dialed the first number. "Hello?"
I held it up. "Who's this...?"
"Ash, it's Max. What's wrong?"
"I dunno. I just... I feel tired? And there's a lot of red."
"Where's Ronnie?"
"Practice with the band." I slid into the bathtub. There was no logic and it just felt like I was supposed to.
"Fuck." He muttered. "Are you hurt?"
"I dunno."
"I'll be over in a minute." He ended the call.
A minute later (or maybe longer, I don't know) Max burst into my apartment. "Ash!"
"Here." I mumbled.
He somehow heard me. "Ash? The hell happened?"
"Dunno. Don't remember."
"Did you cut yourself?" He asked, noticing the razor next to me.
"Uh..."
"How much blood did you lose?"
"Is that what the red is?"
"Yeah."
"Then yeah?"
Max knelt next to the bathtub. "Ash, we need to go to the hospital."
"No."
"Yes."
"I hate hospitals."
"Too bad."
"Max, please."
He sighed. "Fine." He grabbed some towels. "Put his on your arm and apply pressure."
I did and he found bandages. "Max?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't tell Ronnie."
"No can do. I gotta."
"No."
He wrapped bandages around my arm. "He'd find out anyways."
"No."
He finished and picked up his phone. "Ronnie?"
"Yo, Max. What's up?"
"You need to come back."
"Why?"
"Ash cut herself. Bad. She's fucking bleeding everywhere."
"What? Is she okay?"
"She doesn't know why she did it. There's blood all over the bathroom and she's woozy and confused."
"Fuck. I'll be there in like, ten minutes." Ronnie ended the call.
"I said don't tell him." I whispered.
"I had to. He needs to know."
Ten minutes later, Ronnie rushed into the bathroom. "Babe!"
"Ronnie."
"What happened?"
"I dunno."
"I bandaged her. We should get her to bed." Max suggested.
Ronnie looked at me. "She's covered in blood. I'll have to change her clothes. Thank you, Max."
Max nodded and left, and it was after that when I passed out.
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I opened my eyes. I was laying on my bed. Sighing, I pushed myself up and walked into the living room. "Hey." Ronnie said. "What happened?"
I sat next to him and rested my head on his shoulder. "Craig called, asking to get back together. I told him no. Then he told me that I was a worthless slut and I was just using you for fame and money. And then I was gonna crush and snort the asprin, but I'm clean, and... It wasn't gonna make me forget the pain."
He silently kissed my forehead. "Don't ever do that again, okay? You scared the living shit out of me, babe."
"I'm sorry, I didn't..."
"I know why you did it. I love you."
"I love you, Ronnie." I buried my face in his chest.
He wrapped his arms around me. "I love you so much. It hurts me to see you go through that."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault, okay? It's not, believe me."