Chasing the Chaos

Ch. 5

I had to get ready for another day of school and as I walked through the halls, I could hear the distinct laughter in the background. I had on a backwards cap and I sighed to myself while trying to not to attract attention to myself but as soon as I opened my locker. A note fell out of my locker and I rubbed the back of my neck and I picked up the note and read the note before throwing down onto the ground. I closed my eyes and I felt hands on my shoulder and that's when I flinched. I didn't want to see what's his name was again. I was now and forever being considered a loser for being something I couldn't control but that was my life from now on. I opened my eyes and there stood Autumn Rose with a smile placed on her face. I just stared at her.

"Turns out we go to the same school" Autumn punched me in my shoulder and I sighed.

"Well, welcome to hell" I greeted her while taking my books out of my locker and slamming my locker door shut and that's when I actually saw the words written on my locker and I saw everybody stopped talking and just staring at me. I heard the snickering around me and I just stared at everybody's face. The locker said loser, freak and I tried to scrub the written words off my locker. The words kept saying faggot all over my blue locker and I just kept trying to remove it but it was no luck. I felt the tears stream down my face. That's when I heard people laughing at me, at my pain. I just clenched my hands together while trying to stop the tears. Don't let them see you cry. It's not the time for it. You just need to leave and then you can cry when you are by yourself.

"Lyric" Autumn put her hand on my shoulder. "I think there's no way to remove it unless you paint it over" Autumn said to me while she gave me a soft and sad smile. I just nodded not being able to open my mouth and Autumn dragged me out of the hallway and we sat outside on the steps of the schools. "Are you gay" Autumn asked me and I just stared at her and she just shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know, are you" I asked her, rising an eyebrow. "Are you straight" I asked her and Autumn just laughed at me. I was only 13 and no one takes into consideration of who you are when you are 13 but I guess I'm just different.

"Hey, maybe we, all a little a freak" Autumn put her head on my shoulder and I just stared at the sky watching the clouds move in the sky. I just smiled a little bit but I didn't feel an ounce of sadness and maybe that's because I have the one and only Autumn Rose in my life. It strange, I feel that we get each other even though I don't know her that long.

"We should go back inside, classes will be starting soon" I got up from the steps and offered my hand to help her up and she took it while adjusting her own glasses. We both walked through the door and I just looked down at my feet which I do all the time. Autumn grabbed my hand and forced me to stare in front of me. She pushed my head up.
"Be confident Lyric" Autumn whispered in my head. "show them you don't care about what they think" Autumn squeezed my hands and I just nodded my head and I slowly lift my head up and I must say that seeing everything in front and not on the ground is a new experience for me.

"See isn't that better" Autumn smiled at me while her head was up in the air and she had something about her that screamed that she was perfect and that she was going to take over the world.

"How do you do that" I asked Autumn and she just shrugged her shoulders.

"When you live with my parents, you learn the trick to pretend to be perfect and happy" Autumn sighed while fiddling with her hands and I just nodded. I should try to pretend. Autumn does seem like she was very content with how her life is.

"I thought you would have learned the trade of pretending to be okay since you know your parents" Autumn told me while we sat down in the classroom.

"How do you even know anything about my parents" I folded my arms across my chest and she just had this sly smirk on her face.

"I just do, I mean your face says it all that your family isn't perfect but you would never tell anyone about what your father does because he means the world to you but Lyric one day he will go too far and it won't end well for you" Autumn ranted to me before facing forward and the teacher came into the room. I didn't say anything more to Autumn or neither did she. What could my response have been to what she said besides, you are right. My life is crappy and I don't anyone to know the truth because that would hurt my mother and I promised my mom I would try to be the perfect son even if it might ruin my own sense of happiness. I took notes and when I looked up, Autumn was giving me a small smile while she pushed her own glasses up and I just looked at the teacher and teacher just stared at me before urging me to pay attention which I did. I felt the wads of paper being thrown my way and I just looked down at my desk. I just put my pencil down while the rest of the class thrown wads of paper my way. I looked at Autumn, she looked concerned and I just gave her side small smile that wasn't a smile but more so a frown.

I wished I could pretend everything was okay but it wasn't and I think Autumn knew that but she never mentioned it. No one even care about what everyone does to me and I always wished I was more invisible than what I am feeling right. Being invisible could be like better than them attracting attention to myself. The bell rang and I was instantly tapped on the shoulder and there stood Autumn giving me a glare.

"What" I asked her and she just shook her head.

"Why aren't you doing anything? You just let them do crap to you and it's fine to you" Autumn commented to me and I sighed while rubbing the back of my neck.

"I'm ignoring them. It's only 3 more years left of high school" I opened my locker with the word faggot all over my locker. It seemed it was with more words than before first period. Autumn left me all alone with my thoughts and I was glad because I needed time to be all alone. I grabbed my books and headed to the restroom and that's when I took a good look at myself in the mirror and I just examined my body which contained numerous bruises that I wished never was on my body. I wished I could be cool desperately but there was me. I removed my glasses and stared at myself and I took my hat off. The door to the restroom opened and there stood some of the guys who loves picking on me. He pushed me against the wall that was a brick wall and I tried to block the punches. I groaned in pain and I felt spit on my face and I wiped the spit off my face.

'What did I do to you" I asked them while wiping my face which had blood dripping onto the white bathroom tiled floor. The guys just laughed and I was on the floor now and they left me while saying some words that I do not want to repeat at all. I pushed my knees against my chest and I let the tears finally fall along with the blood. I slowly got up from the floor and I just stared at myself in the mirror. It was like I wasn't staring at myself in the mirror and I didn't know who this stranger was anymore. I pulled my sweater down and I put my hat on and my hood over my head. I grabbed my books along with my papers that were soaking wet. I felt anger building up inside of me and I kept banging on the wall until my hands were sore and my knuckles were busted open with blood and I just sobbed into my chest begging the pain would go away. I felt someone knell down and grabbed my shoulder and I opened my eyes to see it was one of the guys and I just shook my head.

"leave me alone" I begged the guy and the guy just sighed but didn't leave me alone but continued to wipe the blood off my face.

"Tilt your head back and the nosebleed should stop" The guy got up from the floor and he looked around the restroom and he rubbed the back of his neck. He kept shaking his head.

"I'm sorry" And with that he walked out of the restroom and I didn't stop him or anything. I just let him go do what he wanted to do in the end. He was right the bleeding did stop and I found strength to get up from the floor of the dirty white tile of the bathroom with luminescent lighting. I looked like a disgusting creature in the world, my eye was turning purple, I had dried blood all over my face. The door opened as I was cleaning up my face.

"Lyric" I heard Autumn voice and I turned and there she stood in the middle of the boys' restroom.

"What are you doing here" I asked her and Autumn grabbed my face and sighed.

"How can you stand what they are doing to you" Autumn asked me and I shrugged my shoulders.

"It's high school, what do you expect" I told her while grabbing my backpack and my newly crushed glasses. I sighed while shaking my head back and forth.

"You know you look so much better without those glasses" Autumn commented to me after several moments of silence as I walking to my house.

"Thanks, I think" I responded to her weird compliment and she just shrugged at me before rushing off home.

"See you at school tomorrow" Autumn waved while she began running away from my house. I entered the gated house, I walked through the front door and there I saw my father drinking a cup of coffee. My mom looked at my face before rushing over to me and I pushed her hands away from my face.

"I'm okay" I told her and mom just nodded her head. "I'm going to do my homework" I told her while holding my backpack in my hands. Dad didn't greet me today and I was kind of glad for that.

"Are you sure" She asked me and I nodded my head.

"Leave the boy alone. I swear if he learned how to fight then he would stop showing up here with his broken glasses" Dad commented while putting down his cup of coffee and I rolled my eyes before rushing up the stairs to my room and I closed the bedroom and locked it. I just kept pacing back and forth and finally I decided to lay on my bed ignoring the arguing that was going on downstairs that had to be about me because that's all they argue about all the time.