FOUR QUARTERS

Chapter 74

 
 

 
 

                           Gavin

                  {Three days later}
 

Sitting on the couch watching television trying not to focus on other things when I heard a knock on my door. Opening the door I see Allen standing before me holding a bottle of liquor. “What are you doing here.” “Checking on you.” “For” “You told her didn’t you. What did she say.” “Have you talked to Jonah” “No. He thinks I’m gone.” “Why did you tell him you were leaving if you really weren’t going anywhere?” “He needs to talk to and depend on his dad, not me.”
 
Nodding my head acknowledging I understand. I move to side allowing Allen to come in. “I’m not drinking.” “Of course you are. You need to relax.” Allen walks in the kitchen getting shot glasses. I sit back down on the couch. “what did she say when you told her. How did Jonah take the news.” “Jonah I don’t know about, Simone got up and left.” “What do you want.” I toss the drink back as Allen poured me another.
 
“I don’t know what I want.” “I know you want to be with her” I tossed back the drink. “It’s funny everybody seems to know what  want.” “Fine you don’t want to be with Simone. So if another guy gets with her you fine with that. You going to be fine with someone hands all over her. You going to be fine with another man's names last name.” Putting my hands on my face then dragging them down.  Out of rage I pick the bottle up and throw it against the wall. Throwing my head back I let out a deep breath. “I don’t know what she wants. I don’t know how to love her or be what and who she needs me to be. I never really loved Maddison. Hell part of the time I wish Simone would come back. I never cheated on Maddison but I also never loved her.”
 
“Sounds like you know what you want.” “I can't,” I say picking up a vase and smashing it against the wall. “Gavin, you and Simone never dated but you and she have something a lot of others don’t have or hope to have. Are you going to fuck it up.” “I already fucked it up.” “Are you going to keep fucking it.” “I need to get things right with my son before anything.” “Try fixing things with his mom might help.” I just closed my eyes trying to shut the world and everything else out. “Listen, I know your struggling and even though you don’t want to admit it your scared, but imagine how she feels the man she is beginning to open her heart back up to is going to be on the road constantly. She is scared too. Yall just lost a baby together and have a teenage son not to mention all the things that are going unsaid which needs to be said. It's not just you Gavin, you're, not the only one who is scared” “She said she doesn’t want a football player husband.”  “Then don’t be a football player to be her husband.” “You saying I should completely end my football career and I don’t even know if we are going to work out.”    
 
“No I’m saying play football and be her husband, but above all be her husband, Be the man she knows you to be. Be the man who use to cry and beg for her, she’s here with your son. You cant raise a man until you become one. So what you going to do.” He asked then padded me on my shoulder then left.  
 
{Next day}
 
While reviewing this week’s opponents film to prepare the boys the practice and the game there was a knock at my door. “Come in” I said not taken my eyes off the screen. “Hello dear”  looking up I see my parents as they both sit down. Turning off the television I give my undivided attention. “Is everything alright.” “Yes, it is we just came to check on you.” “I’m fine.” “Son, it’s alright for you to lie to me; however, it is not alright for you to lie to your mother.” “Honey, have you made a decision? We feel yo-“ I held up my hand. Silencing my mom. “Please stop. I need to do what is best for Jonah first.”
 
“And that’s fine, but what about Simone.” Blowing out a deep breath I responded. “I’m taking her feeling into consideration as well. It’s not just me. I have a family to focus on. What if she says don’t go.” I closed my eyes. “I don’t know,” I said softly. “Simone and I are not together, but there is something between us. I have to make amends with her and Jonah, especially Jonah he was affected the most I don’t want to take any more time away from him. I want to watch him play college, but I also want him to see me play like his dad and be proud of me, not the football player me but me.”
 
“Where does Simone fit into all of this?” “Is this what you both want? I have work I need to attend to.” They nodded then my dad spoke. “Son, Simone is just more than the mother of your son. Don’t wait too long and let another man find out how wonderful she.” He said then they left out of my office. My mind went blank until a phone call brought me out of my thoughts. “Hello” I heard the man speak then I hung up the phone not even wanting to respond. ‘what does Maddison want with me?’ I thought to myself
 
As practice was about to begin there was a knock at my door. “Come in” The door open to reveal Jonah. “Hey, can we talk real quick.” “Sure,” I said with a smile. “I am unsure what college want to go to but I want to get in on my own merits not without any help or persuasion from you.” I nodded my head. “As the head football coach I will be required to tell them about your skills on and off the field, nevertheless if you would feel better and have another coach do it on your behalf I can do that.” “Could both of yall do it, this way it wants be bias?” “That can be done.” “Thank you.” as he was about to leave out I spoke.
 
“Me going to the NFL what are your thoughts on that.” “I use to want my dad to throw the football around with me, help me with the game whether he played or not, I always wondered what he did and if he loved what he was doing more than me. I know you didn’t know I understand that it’s just what I always wanted. I can tell you love the game as much as I do if not more. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be pondering on it. So what s holding you back.” “You and your mom.” “I’ll ask you again, do you love her.” I sat on the corner of my desk.
 
“That’s hard to answer.” “It’s really not.” “I can't say I love your mom without it on some level being a lie. I love Simone for having you, raising you alone, growing up way too fats to have you and provide for you, but it’s more to your mom than that and I don’t know her. All I know is when I was a senior in high school a beautiful, smart, nerdy girl had a crush on me. I got her pregnant, said things I didn’t mean and didn’t see her for years and when I did she is still a beautiful woman who is now the mother of two my kids. Funny right, the mother of my kids I don’t know her at all.” “so what’s stopping you. If she is who you want, you can't blame no one but yourself for not trying and putting forth the effort.” “Your right” He smiled he was about to leave again but I stopped him. “Jonah you know its not too late for us to throw the football around and learn from me. And know this I will never put football before you. If you don’t want me to go I want to do it.” He smiles and nodded and left out of my office.
 

Before leaving out my office my phone rung again. Answering it I heard a weak voice say my name. “Maddison”
 

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