EEEEMMMMMEEETTT! (Twilight Humour)

Drunk!

"What are you doing here, no girls allowed!" Emmett is such an idiot.

"Umm, Emmett" I said rasing an eyebrow

"WHAT... Oh sorry Bells" He said laughing

"I had a vision, and if Bella is going to get dressed up then it is going to be by me!"

"As you can see i am covered in mud" I never noticed about the mud till she mentioned it. "I came back here to change, and I will not go anywhere without nice clothes". We all knoe Alice far too well, it will take her hours just to settle on a outfit. It was the perfect excuse.

"Let's go Bella!" she said dragging my arm to her giant closet. I mouthed 'help me' To Jasper and Emmett but they only laughed. Alice got changed in seconds. She dragged me to her gigantic bathroom to do my hair and make-up first. It was horrible, she tourtured me with every possible item of make-up. She curled my hair into big spirals, she applied the layers of foundation and multiple other products, and spun me around to face the mirror. Wow I actually looked, well beautiful. How come you never make me look this beautiful for Edward? I asked, but she only laughed.

Speaking of Edward, does he know about this? How did Alice keep her vision from him?. "Alice how come Edward doesn't know what's going on? I mean you did have a vision about this" I said after she dragged me back to her closet, she was digging through her closet while she answered, "Oh I have been watching you guys the entire time. When I was hunting I was sure to keep a good distance between me and Edward, when I left I worked very hard to try and block my mind, so I was thinking about what clothes what to wear." 

Alice finally pulled out the most horrible outfit I have ever seen. She was carrying a denim mini skirt with a red jumper and she gave me flats. Thank god. I have a hard enough time walking as it is without the 7 inch high heels. The skirt barely went past my butt.

"Alice are you coming with us" i questioned, i was afraid of what might happen if I was drunk in a bar with Emmett and Jasper.

"I don't know..........I should be getting back" Alice tried leaving.

"PLEASE" i begged her to stay.

"Ok fine, but not for long"

"AWESOME!" I squealed, Alice rolled her eyes

We took Alice's Porsche. To a smallish bar in Port Angeles, when we walked in dozens of heads turned and faced us, of course I started blushing. I walked over and got my first drink. After six drinks, and too many of Emmett's and Jaspers jokes, I was drunk. Time to begin. A guy started walking towards me "Hey babe how ya doin" He asked.

"GRRRRRRRREAT" I answered him back "Can I have your number?". Half of my words came out like mush, but he seemed to understand because he handed me a piece of paper. Everything told me that this was 'DANGEROUS' but i didn't care after all i'm drunk. I have now got a total of 23  number's and just going to ask one more. I walked over to yet another random man and asked "can i have ya numba?"

instead of giving me his number he grabbed my arm and said "Hey you wanna get out of here" before i even answered he was already dragging me away. "where am i going?" i asked too drunk to protest.

"Oh,somewhere over the rainbow"

"OKAY! I love rainbows! and gold! OOH! AND Leprechaun's" i was rambling on when he grabbed my arm for the 2nd time not caring if he hurt me, and he dragged me out of the bar. 

I kicked and screamed "HELP ME!" he was towing me to a car. In a fraction of a second, my vampires were there. Alice took me while Jasper and Emmett took care of the weirdo.

"YAY! ALLI! ARE YOU MY HERO? I THINK YOU ARE!" I said clapping as she put me in the backseat, Jasper slid in the front and Emmett next to me he was laughing.

Emmett's POV:

This was hilarious, Bella looked like she was trying not to fall asleep and she kept mumbling silly things.

"THE cow goes MOO"  Then there was a thump "OWW THE WINDOW HIT ME!" I cracked up laughing "We should do this more often" I said

"NO Emmett" Alice yelled. I mumbled stupid future-seeing vampire.

"fine.. ruin the fun" we arrived at the house Bella opened her door she was leaning on, and fell out the car.

"THE GROUND HIT MEEEEE!" "STOP IT" Bella yelled face planting the floor. Bella got up attempting to walk into the house tripping over flat ground. She walked inside and heard a crash "ALL OF THE WALL'S ARE ON IT TOO!" She yelled whilst me and Jasper cracked up laughing.