EEEEMMMMMEEETTT! (Twilight Humour)

Cookies

It's Saturday, and everyone has once again gone hunting, leaving me with Jasper and Emmett. Will they ever learn? Jasper was somewhere upstairs. Emmett approached me, smiling.

"Hey Bella! Why don't we—"

"No." I cut him off, not wanting to hear another one of his grand ideas.

"But you didn't even hear my idea!"

"I don't care. Your last grand idea turned me blue."

"Ok… Then how 'bout we—"

"No."

"But what if—"

"No."

"BELLA! WHY DON'T WE MAKE COOKIES!!!" Emmett screamed so loud there was no way I could NOT hear him.

"BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN EAT COOKIES!!" I yelled back, trying to be louder. Why would EMMETT, want to make COOKIES?

"Yea, but I've always wanted to make some!" This couldn't hurt, right? I mean, what could go wrong with making cookies?

boy, was I wrong.

Emmett's POV:

YES! we're making cookies! BOOYAHH!

"AWEsome!" I said, grinning. I followed Bella into the kitchen. Luckily, Esme keeps this place stocked with almost every item from the store. She grabbed some funny-looking, white, powdery stuff. She also took out what I knew was sugar, and some icky-yellow block, and some eggs. She mixed everything together in a big bowl.

"Here, Emmett, take this spoon and keep stirring. I'm going to go grab something in Edward's room." She said, as she left the room. This stuff smelled horrible. I picked up the spoon and tasted it. "EEWWW!" I yelled, spitting it out. Hmmm. Maybe it needed more sugar? I picked up the bag and poured the whole thing in. I stirred it in and tasted it. Still gross. What do humans usually like? I GOT IT! I went to the cabinet and grabbed a bottle of whisky and poured it in. I also grabbed some Butterfingers and Oreos from the pantry, crushed them and tossed them in. It still needed something….but what? THAT'S IT! I zoomed up to my room and found the one thing that will make the cookies perfect.

Coffee and sugar.

Bella's POV:

I walked back down to the kitchen to find a gleeful-looking Emmett bouncing up and down.

"Ok, Emmett, take balls of dough and squish them onto that pan about 2 inches apart. Then put the pan in the oven." He did as I said, and tossed the pan in the oven.

We waited about 20 minutes until I pulled them out. I won't let Emmett handle the hot pan since vampires are flammable.

"YAY!!" Emmett squealed. I rolled my eyes.

"Try some, Bella!" What could it hurt? I knew what was in it, I did mix the ingredients. I picked up a cookie, and took a bite.

Emmett's POV:

Bella loooooved the cookies I made. She ate every one of them, then she was thirsty. I grabbed some coffee and whisky and mixed them. I know I read this somewhere…..but I don't remember how much whisky to use….oh well. I poured the whole thing in and handed it to Bella. She drank it all in 5 minutes. Jasper walked downstairs, taking in Bella's expression. Oh, this should be good.

"EMMETT, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!!" but then he lost all concentration. Bella was drunk, and on a caffeine and sugar high, and her emotions of silliness were affecting Jasper, causing him to act "drunk" too. Huh. I guess it only affects him when it's this severe.

Jasper and Bella started skipping around the living room re-enacting Charlie the Unicorn.

Bella: "Charlieeeee"

Jasper: "Let's go to Candy Mountain Charlieeeee"

Then there was a loud thump, I turned to see Bella had run into a wall, and she was just standing there, her face on the wall. Then she started banging her head against the wall,

"CHARLIEEEEE! THERE'S A BOULDER IN THE WAYYY!!!!" She screamed. Jasper ran up and punched the wall, causing it to collapse. I burst into laughter.

"Oh, DAMN Jasper, Esme's gonna KILL YOU!!" I bellowed.

"OHMAIGAWD Jasper, a…………FAINTING GOAT!!"

"GASP!" Jasper yelled, pointing out the window.

"uhhh…..that's a squirrel." I said, cracking up.

Bella turned back to the BLANK wall, "OH!! MY SHADOW!!" She yelled, pointing at the blank wall.

Good thing I was filming this.

Then Bella skipped out the door.

"The TREEEES are dancing!" She squealed. I ran outside, to stop dead in my tracks. Bella was standing in front of Edward, Alice, Rosalie, Esme, and Carlisle.

Oh damn.

"AHHHHHHHH! VAMPIRES!!" She screamed, then ran behind me.

"EMMETT, what did you do?!" Edward said, exasperated, and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"What makes you think something's wrong?" I challenged him. I mean, Bella looked normal right now compared to 5 minutes ago.

"Because she doesn't usually run from vampires…..and hide behind one in the process." Ohhh, he got me there.

"Uhhhh—" Then Jasper came running outside, a piece of paper rolled into a unicorn horn, taped to his head. He galloped around us in circles pretending to be a horse.

"neighhh!" he squealed, then he ran back inside. Everyone stood frozen, eyes wide. Then Alice ran after him yelling, "WAIT! JASPER! THAT SHIRT DOESN'T GO WITH THAT HORN!!!"

Edward hit his forehead with his palm.

"What did you DO?!!" Edward yelled.

"Wellll….we were making cookies….."

"YOU DIDN'T!" Edward gasped, apparently seeing what happened in my mind.

"I thought it would taste better if I added things humans seemed to like…."I trailed off, looking at his furious face.

"SO YOU GOT HER DRUNK AND ON A COFFEE AND SUGAR RUSH?!!!?!!!" He screamed.

By this time Bella had run back into the house screaming, "OHH NOO! IT'S A MAGICAL LEPRECHAUN CHARLIEEE!"

Rose walked over and slapped me in the back of the head. "YOU IDIOT!"

Edward looked so mad, his skin might of turned red  if it could. I took the opportunity to laugh,

"SHE IS HILARIOUS WHEN SHE'S INTOXICATED! I MEAN AND THEN HER EMOTIONS AFFECTED JASPER—"

That was it, Edward blew.

Antarctica:

Random guy: LOOK! IT'S A PENG—"

Echo:

EEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rosalie's POV:

Edward disappeared and the next thing we hear were crashes from upstairs. Emmett dashed into the house, and we heard him scream, "NOOOOO! NOT MY SPICE GIRLS COLLECTION!!!"

I turned to the shocked Carlisle and Esme, "Well, if you don't mind me, I'm going to go tear Emmett's jeep apart—"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Emmett screamed.

I smiled as I skipped off to the garage, hearing Bella in the background, "JAZZY! LOOK! EMMIE'S ROOM IS FULL OF CONFETTI!!"

Edward's POV:
It took a whole lot of water and bread to reduce the effect of the alcohol, caffeine and sugar in Bella's system but she eventually returned back to normality after a few hours with a pounding headache.