EEEEMMMMMEEETTT! (Twilight Humour)

The murder mystery

Bella's POV:

This is totally awesome! I'm so going to beat Mr. Perfect! Alice started jumping up and down again. What is with this girl? It's like she's on sugar rush 24/7.

"OK! Everyone read out-loud your parts now!" Alice squeaked. Just then Carlisle and Esme walked in the room, dressed, and holding their cards.

"I am Professor Carlisle Cullen, and I am a very rich Professor, who's parents recently died and left their fortune to me, along with their estate." Carlisle announced, smiling. Alice had invented the names, but not the plot.

"I am Mrs. Esme Cullen, and I am married to Professor Carlisle Cullen." Esme said with her beautiful smile.

"I am Ms. Marie Walcraft, and I am a close family friend of Professor Carlisle. I have strong feelings for Prof. Carlisle." I said without hesitation. Who said I can't act?

"I am Mr. Edward Masen, and I am a 'Bad Boy', and have an 'eye' for Ms. Marie Walcraft." Edward said, flashing his glorious crooked smile at me, and winked. My heart stopped, and stuttered, and he let out a laugh. I frowned and turned away from him, causing him to laugh harder.

"I am Ms. Mary Brandon, and I am the sister of Professor Carlisle." Alice chirped, still bouncing up and down on Emmett's shoulders.

"I am Mr. Casey Smooth, known as 'Mr. Smooth', and I am Esme's brother, and do not get along with Professor Cullen." Jasper said, embarrassed. We knew why. We all cracked up laughing at the name Alice picked out for him.

"I am……."Emmett started, then squinted at his card, "Mr. Kellan Lutz?! WHAT THE HELL what kinda name is THAT!" we all burst out laughing. It was hilarious.

"I am Mrs. Aphrodite Lutz, and I am married to Mr. Kellan Lutz." Rosalie said, holding back laughter. Aphrodite? The goddess of love? I guess it fit her well.

"RULES!" Alice yelled before everyone got ahead of themselves, "HUMAN PACE! A NORMAL human pace, for Bella's sake please. NO CHEATING IN ANY WAY! Except, it is allowable to dazzle other people…" She trailed off, giving me an evil smile out of the corner of her eye. What? Is EVERYONE against me? "Only Carlisle and the person guilty of the crime know who's done it. Carlisle set up the house with evidence. Once evidence has been picked up by someone, it is theirs to hold onto, unless they willfully hand it over, and they only have to share their clues with you if they chose too. I set up a 'Finish Line' over there, the first person to cross it gets to give their hypothesis, with supporting evidence. So, in other words, Emmett, you can't just go cross it and keep guessing until you get it right. You have to have reason behind each guess." Alice said slowly, like Emmett was a toddler. He frowned and we all laughed. "OK! LET'S START!"Alice squealed with excitement. Emmett pulled out something shiny……tin foil? A tin foil hat?

"Emmett….what is that?" Edward asked, suspiciously.

"IT'S TO KEEP YOU OUT OF MY MIND!!!" Emmett screamed in his face. We all laughed hysterically. Edward reached over and grabbed it off of his head. Alice resumed the game.

"The setting is January 28th, 1978. The place is Professor Carlisle Cullen's mansion, celebrating his victory grand promotion and his wealth. There is a dinner party to be held. Everyone is off in different places at the time, when a scream is heard from the kitchen…." Alice announced in a creepy, announcer voice. She trailed off as we heard a scream from our kitchen. We all hurried in to find Carlisle laying on the floor, looking very dead. He didn't even have to TRY. There was a wine glass in his clasped hand. Esme was next to him, clutching his other hand, pretending to cry. Man, she was a good actress. Let the games begin.

I walked over to the other side of Carlisle and picked up the glass with a rag from the counter.

"Evidence." I said, smiling smug at Edward. This was just tooooo easy. But I quickly took that back as Edward walked over to me, smiling. He leaned down, and pressed his lips to my jaw. He trailed his nose along my jaw, then down my neck, and back. Then he whispered in my ear, "Give me the glass, Bella." His voice was purely alluring. It was the most seductive voice I have ever heard him use, and it stunned me. He pulled away and looked into my eyes, the beautiful golden colour smoldering. I felt my resolve weaken to nothing. I absent-mindedly raised the glass, and he took it, and whirled away. I snapped out of my trance. He hypnotized me!