Life of the Mockingjays (Sequel to Panem High)

And another one bites the dust

I managed to sleep for 45 minutes. It's now 3 am and sleep just isn't going to happen. I've been lying next to Peeta for hours. Crying for 10 minutes and wanting more than anything to go talk to my mom or prim and just hug them. I bury my face into my pillow. I've become a mess. My life used to be good. Everything was working itself out and it was getting good. That's all gone now. I try look at the positives. Like ashton, Silvano, Peeta, all my friends and clove too. But when I weigh out all the good and the bad there just seems to be way more bad. I have a past. Some of it that clove doesn't even know. Something I did a little while ago that I can't get over. That I want to forget ever happened. A feeling of pure hatred towards myself. I'm so selfish and I'm not even near a good guardian to ashton. I wish I could be better. Why am I so screwed up? I jump up as run to the bathroom. I grab something from on top of the cabinet and take it down. I stare at it for a moment before gliding the cool metal across my skin. Blood oozes out and I instantly feel relief. I do a few more and my mind is taken over by a flashback.

•••••Flashback•••••

I stand in front of the medicine cupboard. Everything siting neatly. I reach out and grab a few bottles. Pouring out pills. I take a deep breath but something makes me stop. What will Peeta do? What will they think? That I'm a coward who just gives up when things get tough? I push them all away. Looking down at my shaky hands. I start tearing up and fall to the bathroom floor.

•••••End of flashback•••••

I stop what I'm doing and look down at my wrists. I gasp slightly. How long was that flashback? I drop the blade and count the new scars. 10 on each arm. I wince and hide it. I clean up all the blood and clean my wrists. The stinging pain is only mild. I'm used to it. I wrap my wrists up and put a jumper on , heading downstairs. I go to the kitchen and check the time. It's 5am. I sigh and run a hand through my hair. No one can find out about this. I pace the kitchen floor looking out the window. I see a few shadows of people and look out. I see Harry and Nicole? I keep watching them as they hug and share a kiss. Nicole laughs and I gasp. I use my super hearing. "I love you" Harry says. "I love you too. But don't tell Casper just yet" she says and I gasp again. I shake my head and quietly walk outside. I walk over to them, going unnoticed. They both kiss again and I stand with my arms folded next to them. They pull apart and when they see me they go wide eyed. "H-how much did you hear?" She asks. "Oh I heard enough" I say looking between both of them. "Well what do you want me to do? I never loved Casper. I just used him to get close to Harry. I look at Harry and raise an eyebrow. "I love her" he says looking at her smirking. I scoff at them. "Casper is supposed to be your best friend. And your boyfriend. You two are disgusting!" I say loudly. "And we should care because......?" She says trailing off. I shake my head and look up and my mouth drops open when I do. A very angry Casper is standing. Looking half heartbroken and half angry. "I hate you!" He shouts at both of them. He jumps at Harry and tackles him to the ground. "You're supposed to be my best friend!" He roars at him. "Casper!" I shout and he looks up. "You're better than that" I say and he shakes his head , taking a deep breath. "I hate you both" he growls at them before walking towards me. "Come on. Stay at my house tonight" I say and he nods. He has tears in his eyes and one has escaped and is rolling down his face. "It's okay. If she really loved you then she wouldn't have cheated" I say and he just nods. We both go inside and I give him a blanket and he sits on the couch. I make him some hot chocolate and sit next to him. "Can't sleep?" He asks. "No" I say and he nods. "Thanks for sticking up for me" he says and I smile. "No problem" I say smiling slightly. He lays his head back on the couch. "Just get some sleep. I'll wake you up later" I say and he nods while laying down. I put another blanket over him since it's so cold and head to the kitchen. It's now half six which means I need to wake ashton up soon. I decide to make him a nice breakfast for getting up. I make some pancakes, waffles, fruit salad and orange juice. When I'm finished I head to his room and walk in. He looks so peaceful. I don't want to wake him up. "Ash" I whisper and he mumbles something. "Ashton come on. School time" I say as he opens his eyes. He rubs his eyes and coughs really hard. "You okay?" I ask concerned. "I'm fine" he says in a raspy voice. "You don't sound fine" I say feeling his forehead. "And you have a fever" I tell him. "I'll be okay" he says standing up. "Ashton no. Just stay in bed" I say and he shakes his head. "Fine but if you feel sick at school just call me and I'll come get you" I say and he nods. "Okay there's breakfast downstairs and try not to wake anyone. Especially Casper who's on the couch" I say and he nods. We both walk downstairs and he eats his breakfast. "Here take these" I say handing him tablets for his cough and temperature. He takes them and stands up , sniffling slightly. "I'm just going to shower" he says and I nod. I clean up the kitchen and quickly run upstairs and get dressed. I come back down just as ashton is and we both walk to the living room. He grabs his bag and I give him money for lunch. "Got your phone?" I ask and he nods. "Okay. Let's go" I say grabbing the keys. We both go to the car. "We're picking Silvano and Alex up too" I say and he nods while sitting in the passengers seat. We start driving towards the forest and wait at the entrance for Silvano. When he gets in we get Alex and I drive them all to school. When we get there they all hug me goodbye and ashton looks ill. "I don't think this is a good idea" I say and he shrugs. "I'll call you if I get any worse" he says and I nod. "Okay. Have fun" I say and they all smile and wave. I sit for a few minutes and sigh. When I look up I see a few people gathering around Alex. Silvano is looking at them strangely. Ashton looks nervous. I use my super hearing again. "No wonder you were put up for adoption. Your real parents must have hated you. Your adoptive ones probably do too" someone says and I shake my head. "Yeah well you know what?" Alex says and I raise an eyebrow. "My parents picked me. Yours are stuck with you. Now stop being such a bitch and get out my way because last time I checked you have like 2 friends all together and neither of them like you" she says and Silvanos mouth drops open. The girl raises a and to hit Alex and she glares at the girl. "Oh just some advice. If you ever touch me or try to touch me. I will make sure you won't be able to walk for a week" she says and walks away like the badass she is. I start laughing slightly. "Nice one" I mind message her. "Thanks" she sends and I smile. I start my car and am about to reverse when I see Silvano still with that girl. I look at him curiously. He bends down next to her and whisper in her ear but I can still hear him. "If you ever lay a finger on her. I will not hesitate to hurt you." He says and stands up, walking away. I start driving back home dreading the day to come. When I get home Casper is up along with most of the others. I sit next to him on the couch. "You okay?" I whisper and he shakes his head. I smile sadly and lay back on the couch. There's a knock at the door and Ruby , Harry, nicole, Cameron, alfie , Joe and everyone else from next door come in. Casper clenches his jaw. "I'll handle this" I whisper sanding up and walking over to them. I smile at the others and stand in front of them. "Don't you think you've done enough. I don't think it's a very good idea for you to come in here after what you did to Casper. You two are a disgrace. Put yourself in his position and think how it would feel. Now get out my house!" I say kind of loud. They shake their heads and walk out. "What happened?" Ruby asked. "Your brother is a first class jerk and Nicole is an even bigger one" I say. "What did they do?" She asks confused. "Used Casper and cheated behind his back" I say and she shakes her head. "I'm going to slap some sense into the boy!" She says angrily and I nod. She takes out her phone and phones him. "I want you two on the first flight out of here. How dare you do that to Casper. I hope you realise that everyone thinks you are a douche and she's a bitch. Casper will stay here for a while, nobody gets treated like that and gets away with it!" She shouts and hangs up. "Idiot" she mutters putting her phone away. "Katniss. You need to tell Peeta. He's worried sick about you" Finnick sends me and I nod. "Peeta meet me in the kitchen" I send and stand up. "Be back in a minute" I say walking away. I walk into the kitchen with Peeta and he looks at me. "I uh. Anxiety. I have anxiety" I say trying to form a sentence. "What?" He says shocked. "And I hate myself" I say staring ahead of me. "Well I love you" he says matter of factly and hugs me. I hug back. "Kat I'll help you. I never left you alone with anything else. I'm not going to start now" he says and squeezes me tighter. I walk back in to arguing and tell everyone to be quiet. "What's going on?" I ask. "Casper says that he'll leave so those two can stay" Cameron says. "You're not leaving. You haven't done anything" I say and he shrugs. "No. Don't even think about it" Ruby says and he smiles slightly. My phone rings and I answer it. "Hello?" I say. "Hi. This is the school. Ashton has been at the nurse feeling sick. Can you come get him?" The woman asks. "Sure. I'm on my way" I say. "Ashton is feeling sick" I explain and they nod. "See you later" I say walking out and into the car again. I pick ashton up and he sits in the car. "You okay?" I asks and he shakes his head. "Come on. I'll take you to McDonalds" I say and he smiles. "Knew that would cheer you up" I say smiling and drive to McDonald's. "What do you want?" I ask. "Uh just a chicken nugget happy meal" he says and I nod. I order and pay and pick if up before driving back home. He eats in the car and by the time were home he's finished. "Okay. Go up to bed or the movie room or something. I'll get more medicine for you" I say and he nods. "Thanks" he says smiling and hugs me. "It's okay" I say smiling. "Sorry. It's just I used to have to take care of myself when I was sick" he says and I smile sadly. "Well I'm afraid that now you will be smothered in blankets , overdose on soup and probably watch every single movie that exists when your sick in this house" I say an she smiles. "Okay. I'll be in bed" he says dumping his bag and walking upstairs. I smile and grab some medicine out the cupboard and get a glass of water. I walk upstairs and into his room. He lying under the covers in pyjamas with his pillows all around him. I smile and hand him the medicine. He smiles and take sit while drinking the water. "Kat!" Peeta shouts upstairs and I rush down. "Yeah?" I ask. "Social worker is here" he says and I nod. "Sorry. Come in" I say and she smiles. "Is he at school just now?" She asks. "Uh no. He is actually in bed. He's not feeling very well" I say grabbing a blanket of the couch to give to him. "Okay. Do you mind if I look around and then I'll go ask ashton a few questions. I'll make it quick" she says and I nod. "Go ahead" I say and she smiles. I head back up to ashton to tell him she's coming. I bring the blanket up and when I get there he is just laying down. I out the blanket over him and he smiles. "Te social worker is here. Se needs to ask a few questions soon. You up for it?" I ask. "Sure" he says smiling and I sit up next to him in the bed. He lays across me and closes his eyes. "You look really unwell. You sure you're fine?" I ask him and he nods slightly. "I'll be fine" he says and I nod. We just talk until the social worker comes and she smiles when she sees us. "Okay Silvano I shut have to ask you a few questions. I'm afraid it's mandatory" she says and he nods. "Okay so how do you like living here in a scale of 1-10?" She asks. He looks up at me smiling. "12" he says and I laugh slightly. "Okay. And do you want to continue living here?" She asks. "Definitely" he says. "Well from what I've seen so far everything is fine. I just have to ask one more question but judging in everything else I know the answer" she says. "Have you been getting fed and getting enough care?" She asks. "Obviously. Sometimes I think it's too much care" he says laughing slightly. I roll my eyes and stick my tongue out at him. "Well everything seems great. I'll be back for a surprise visit soon and then that's that" she says and we nod. "Thank you. Bye" I say and she waves. "Bye" she says and She walks back downstairs. "Well that was easy. Can I sleep now?" He asks and I nod. "Sure" I say and go to stand up. "Don't move. You're too comfy" he says and I laugh while laying back. "Okay well sweet dreams" I say and he closes his eyes. I suddenly feel tired. Probably from lack of sleep. I close my eyes too and soon drift off to sleep.