Lost and Afraid

(33)

  Sadness is a taste I don't like in my mouth. It feels sour, maybe painful.

   I was never really sad when it came to my love, and yet here I am on the brink of tears again even though I have none to shed.

   I haven't left Skylar's room since I arrived here, and it's been about twelve hours.

   I haven't eaten anything since I got here either, although Alice keeps bringing me food, I push it back to her with my paw.

   I'm too sad to be in my human form, and staying like this makes me kind of hopeful. Like if I whine enough she could come back.

   But even though her wound healed over and she was no longer bleeding, she still felt cold. Like a piece of ice, and with the storm outside I'm sure it wasn't helping.

   I barely left her bedside. I was afraid that if I left her for too long she'd really be gone.

   But I stayed hopeful and tried my best to accept the fact that she may not come back, but I refrained myself from thinking on it too much.

   Instead I focused on the good memories I had with her, though there were so few considering I only knew her for about five months and she avoided me for four of them.

   But I know she loved me, and I loved her ten folds. Because she means everything to me. Or at least she meant everything to me, now that she's gone it's different.

   And I wonder what was her last thought was she stared up me crying my eyes out?

*Six Hours Ago In Skylar's P.O.V*

   I felt cold and hollow, like there was a hole in my chest. But of course there was, I was shot.

   I died and now only my subconscious is alive because of my magic. I can hear muffled voices though, as if I were underwater and people were talking around me.

   I was living my life again, from the moment I was born to the point of where I died. I lived it over and over again, not being able to stop it. Not being able to rewind it or fast forward or even pause. It hurt to die every five minutes.

   It hurt to watch Adam's form cry over and over again because of my death and it felt colder and colder until a flash of warmth spread through my chest and it didn't feel like a hole anymore.

   It felt like it would any other day, filled. But even then I felt hollow still, like my physical wound was healed but my heart still felt like it was missing something.

   It made me want to cry, to scream, to break something. Because I couldn't find out what I needed. Because I couldn't figure out what to do while I was like this.

   But I could hear the voices clearly now and it felt good. I could hear them, but I couldn't bare to hear their sadness.

   Tracey sounded like she was always crying, and Adam only whined. He never spoke a word. I tried everything I could to open my eyes.

   Soon I was able to move around in the abyss of my subconscious, I moved around the memories of my lifetime until I ended up leaving it all together.

   I felt like a wisp of smoke; light and barely noticeable. And after what felt like an eternity I finally opened my eyes and saw myself.

   I was paler than a ghost, I had a large red stain on my chest that was healed over on both sides of my body. I looked around the dark room seeing it was my old bedroom. Making a full 180 I saw him, he was getting thin and he looked so sad.