BTS X Male Reader Oneshots

This is completely irrelevant to the book, i just need to rant

I know this is completely off topic from this book but I'm upset and I don't have any friends to talk to about this.

So basically, I was pulled out of school a few years ago cause of bullying and other stuff (I'll explain later in this) and I haven't been in schooling for a few years. I'm 16 now so in the U.K. we have to stay in education until 18 (exams are at 16 and you start college or sixth form after that). Because I haven't been in school, I haven't taken any exams so I'm taking my maths and English exams first year of college. I don't really have much choice where I go to college cause of literally no qualifications and I'm going to be going to my local college.

Anyway, the college know all about me and that sort of stuff cause of my ehcp (educational health care plan) and they know that I'm on the autism spectrum. They know all about my anxiety and how I struggle in unfamiliar and crowded environments. I attended a welcome day today and when I came home, I literally cried. The entire day was me trying not to have a public mental breakdown. I absolutely hate the college. I've been there twice before and didn't really like it but today was awful and I know I've got to spend the next two years of my life going there.

They made out in the email that this day was really really important (it was not) and so my mum made me register online (in the end that didn't even matter cause my name wasn't even on the list and they just let me in anyway). So I get there and I had to hype myself up to actually go inside which was me telling myself "suga would be proud of you for doing this."
Then I get inside and see a guy that I knew from old school. He was a guy I had a crush on and the popular girl told the entire class I liked him.

So we're taken to the art department (I'm doing a visual arts course) and we're in a room of about thirty people. If any of you have anxiety, you'll know what it's like to walk into a room with people you've never met (plus maybe two people you'd rather forget). It was awful but I sort of made a friend who I now have no contact with because none of anything they did mattered. They waited until the end of the day to split up all the different levels of the group. The entire was just a big ball of anxiety for me tbh. I didn't eat anything all day cause I was too anxious (then my stomach growling made me anxious because I didn't want people to hear) and had to go to work in the evening so I felt really awful all day.

I got a taxi home and I was just trying to stay calm. I got into my house and as soon as the door was closed I just started sobbing. Everything was going pretty well for me (which is pretty rare cause of all the stuff that's gone on the past few years) and then it feels like I'm back to square one.

I'm not asking to be treated like I'm royalty or anything but I can't imagine someone who knows that a person is autistic putting them in such a foreign environment. And for some background, we had already discussed with the college about all of the stuff that I deal with. They made us fill out forms just so they knew what they could do to help but apparently the must have ignored all those forms. I know that they have a lot of students but this college is actually one of the colleges that an ehcp recommends because they are meant to be good for people on the spectrum.

My mum was so damn angry when she got home because she was so proud of me for trying to do this and it seemed to her like they just didn't care about making students feel safe and comfortable. You have to keep in mind here that I know nearly no one there and there's two people I recognised there, one of them being a girl that bullied me.

A big part of autism is that you have trouble communicating things (I struggle to say to my dad that I'm upset, let alone telling a random adult that). I internalise my emotions because I don't know how to outwardly communicate that I'm sad or happy (this usually results in me crying over really small things or getting so overwhelmed that I break down).

So what I'm trying to say is that I'm just upset and I don't really want to go back there ever again. I know I have to cause I've got to go there for the next two years. Am I just being entitled cause I'm worried that I just sound like a spoiled brat who expects the world to revolve around him. I know that you have to do things that you don't like in life and I'm willing to do stuff I don't like but I feel like, if doing that thing once makes you want to jump in front of a car, maybe you should try to help the situation instead of putting up with it for ages and making yourself feel awful.