Through Chrissie's eyes

Little Changes

The boys continued to rehearse and study, trying to divide their attention and effort between the two parts of their life. Tim was studying Graphic Design, Brian was getting more and more excited about Astrophysics, and Roger was seriously considering leaving the Dentistry course. To Jo's misfortune, this wasn1t the only thing the drummer wanted to change.

On some nights when we were going out to the Smile shows, I noticed a certain tension between the two. They were no longer so glued or affectionate in public with each other. Maybe it was just a bad phase, but maybe not. I didn't know what to expect that would happen, a possible ending, or who knows, with a little hope, they would be together.

At least, despite all this, I was glad that Roger proved very different from Jo's former boyfriends, he really was good for her, but now something in their relationship wasn't fitting very well.

I was afraid to ask if she wanted help, if she was okay, or if she wanted to talk. Oh, I had already promised myself I wasn't going to intrude so much, but I could1t. Worry always spoke louder. However, I managed not to go looking for her to talk about Roger.

It was then that it became even more apparent that they weren't well when they unmarked our evenings watching movies together. Tim came at times, but I, Jo, Brian, and Roger watched most of the time. Then there were nights when only she came, or he alone, or neither.

It was when no one pressed, Jo came to my apartment on an unexpected visit. I was reading in the room, and Brian improvised some notes in the Red Special in the living room.

I heard my boyfriend answer her. I recognized the concern in Brian's voice from afar, and I was sure that was the way he was now. I was on alert with Jo's condition. Before they called me, I got up and went to her.

"Hi, Jo," I appeared in the living room, noticing that she had a red face for crying, but had stopped for a while.

"I ... I think I'd better let talk you alone" Brian said, feeling embarrassed by the whole situation. "I'll be right back, my love."

He gave Jo an embarrassed smile and left.

"What is it?" I asked, approaching her.

"I think I'll have to ..." she took a deep breath. "I want to, but I don't want to, but I have to ... break up with Roger."

"But why Jo?" I began to feel sad for her "don't make a decision with a hot head ..."

"No, I'm not hot-headed," she assured me, "it's just ... it's just that when we were away from each other, that is, without living together, everything seemed so perfect, but we just moved out to see that..."

"You're very different?" I guessed.

"Yeah, it's, it seems ..." she stopped, a little tired, "that we both thought we were one person and actually we are another. We both have unbearable manners that we're not able to put up with. We end up demanding a lot from each other, and it ends up getting worn out. So it's better for each of us to go their own way before we get hurt any more."

I hugged her, fully understanding what she felt. I let her hold me for as long as she needed.

"I'm here if you need me." I held her hands and stared into her eyes. "And as much as it hurts now, I'm proud of you for making a mature decision. Be strong to keep it and remember, none of you is the villain of this story. You two are great people, it just didn't work out."

"Chrissie, I don't know what I'd do without you." Jo managed to smile.

"Oh, I don't know what I would do without you, either." I smiled back. "Do you think you're able to talk to Roger?""

"Yes, yes, after talking to you, now I can" Jo got up, getting ready to go.

"Good luck, my friend," I wished from my heart, "I really want you to be happy, you deserve it."

"The same for you, Chrissie." She gave me another long hug and left.

Brian arrived a few moments later.

"I found Jo on the way," he told me, "she looks better. It was Roger again, wasn't it?"

"Yes, but I think this is the last time," I said, "she left here ready to break up."

"Really?" he didn't look surprised "it's better this way, Roger is unbearable at times and I doubt that one day he will change."

"You can't lose hope," I said. "Hw's your friend and you stand him.

"I don't know how I managed it until today." He raised his eyebrows to emphasize his astonishment.

It wasn't long before we knew about the break up between Jo and Roger. He ended up agreeing with her on the motives and each went their way. Joanne was still coming to visit me, and we were still studying together, but she couldn't keep up with Smile, let alone stay in our gang. But we were still good friends, as always.

Our year was still marked by studies and shows, and because our expenses increased a little by living together and I wasn1t working since I was not yet trained, Brian decided to get a job as a math teacher, which to our luck, soon he succeeded. It was common to see him dead tired, but he would not give up his course or the band. It filled me with pity and pride, but soon I would begin to work to help him.

Now the boys had gotten a series of performances at Ealing Art College, where Tim was studying. Brian would have to spend the week getting on the bus to go there, and go home, and continue attending classes at Imperial College, and giving his classes. All this trip would require an extra expense, a situation that we had passed before. But Bri was organized with the question of finances and tried to reassure me.

"I wish I could help more ..." I regretted, my parents' help was welcome but not enough.

"Don't worry, my love," he said with a smile and a kiss on my cheek, "it's all under control. Except for the fatigue, but we always have Sundays to sleep all day ..."

"I'm serious" I sighed, but I understood.

"Look, remember when you saw us play for the first time, the way you thought we were good?" Brian was talking, trying to get somewhere.

"I remember" that was a very good memory, almost two years ago.

"It could be that one day we make a success and make a living with music," Brian said with a convincing faith, "but if it doesn't work out, I still have two options, teacher or astrophysicist.!

"Oh, the future is so uncertain ..." I let out.

"But it's going to be okay." Brian hugged me and began to sing Doing All Right. I still loved that song.

Later that day, we waited for Tim in front of our building. I would have had a busy week, and there was no way I could go to the shows at Ealing Art College. Tim and Roger arrived in the van. Brian adjusted his backpack.

"God bless your trip" I told my boyfriend. "Take care of yourself, call me when you can. I love you."

"I will, love" he assured me. "I love you, Chrissie."

We kissed quickly and he got into the van.

"Good bye!" I waved to the three of them.

Roger honked to me and I saw them walk away for a while until I got back into the house, already missing them.