Through Chrissie's eyes

The Party

I took my place in the passenger seat in our car, and as Brian drove, I tried to prepare myself psychologically for Freddie's party.

It was not the first of his parties that I went to, I knew very well how they were and that's why I didn't like to go. I never wanted to go after the details of what was happening hidden from my view, I tried to ignore what was happening around me, however difficult it was. All this was a strong reason for me not to go, but there was another strong motive that always convinced me.

Freddie invited us to come to his house meant that he wanted to see us, to have us around, still considered us his friends, and so gave us space to approach him, to help him, to remind him of how much we cared about him. Because whether I wanted to or not, even with all his pang and temper, my soft heart still pitied Freddie.

Still, thinking about it all, I was restless. Again I had a hand on my chin, tapping my forefinger insistently on my cheek, a thing of mine that I did without realizing it, especially when I was very nervous about something.

"Chrissie, say something, you're starting to worry me" Brian said, looking at me in alarm.

"It's just ... You know what it is" I said, tiredly "and Jimmy, Gracey seemed like a nice person to me, but I can't stop worrying. What if he misses us and starts crying? And she does not know what to do?"

"You forget, my love, that Jimmy don't use to cry so easyly and Gracey is an experienced nanny, she'll know what to do in any situation" Brian reminded me, "the next time you worry, remember that."

"Okay" I managed to smile. "Thank you, a settled dilemma, about the other ..."

"That's more complicated," he agreed "but, Chrissie, if it's any consolation, Dominique and Roger, John and Veronica will be there too."

"There's nothing better than having the old gang together" I finished "even with a lot of strangers coming."

And in that, Brian grimaced, completely confused, not knowing how to respond, also embarrassed by what we were going to find. I just touched his shoulder lightly, as if to say "don't worry, my love, we can face it".

Then we reached the final destination, outside there were cars and more cars, almost covering the whole space of the block. The sound was so loud that even before entering it was possible to hear the last hits of pop and the disco of the time. I held Brian's hand, even before he offered, we exchanged a smile, sighed, and walked to the doorway.

The front door was open, inviting anyone to enter without ceremony, and sure enough, all the types of folks had already come in there, from the light glance I gave in the room. None of them was my acquaintance, nor was there any sign of the host.

"Bri, Chrissie!" I was relieved to hear Roger's familiar voice "we saved your place."

"Thank you Rog!" I smiled as I sat down at the place he told us. "How are you Dom?"

"I'm fine" Mrs. Taylor smiled "and you?"

"Fine, too." I smiled disguising myself, even though I knew the tactic wasn't working.

Before anyone asked about me, I was saved by the arrival of the Deacons.

"It's good that we found you," John said as he sat down with us. "Have you ever felt like you were a little lost when you came here?"

"Don't tell me" I managed to laugh, and after the six of us were together, I began to feel better.

Eventually we got into an interesting conversation about the songs that were playing. I rarely liked to pop, but I had a weak per disco, besides, of course, classic rock. When we talk about the themes of the songs, we end up falling back on the old joke of "I'm in love with my car".

It was when our host appeared, in all his pomp and exaggeration, properly dressed as a queen, with a crown and a robe. Despite all this, I was glad to see that he looked fine. His gaze expressed more that excited young man who had composed with Brian in our little apartment so many years ago, than the rebellious man needy for attention. We were fine until Paul showed up.

Between me and Brian, the Taylors and the Deacons, there was no one who liked Prenter. I think Veronica was the only one who hadn't fight with him, but we all had a confrontational moment. Dominique was getting overjoyed that he had commented on her being self-willed in marrying Roger. "Funny how you confuse me with exactly what you are. I never took advantage of my husband's fame for my own benefit, you, of course, do this with Freddie" was what Mrs. Taylor said on occasion. Freddie himself tried to get around the situation by saying she was confusing things. We were silent, knowing that Mercury's patch hadn't worked very well.

I had faced Prenter before we went to Rio, Brian gave him the harshest responses I have ever seen my husband give to anyone and Roger threatened him with a constant beating.

It was just Paul being close that Freddie was unbearable, it was as if Prenter fed the worst side of our friend. After a few taunts between Paul and Roger, I felt the tension in the air and sincerely worried that Taylor would lose his temper and go for physical aggression. Fortunately, he and Dominique left before the conflict got uglier.

"Let's go, too" Brian told me softly, and with pleasure I got up quickly.

We said goodbye to Freddie, leaving him behind in that mess. My heart was tight, but my patience was gone.

On the way out we meet the Deacons.

"When will he stop?" commented Veronica as we walked down the street the four together "that's not how Freddie was."

"You're right, the years have only worsened him," John agreed with his wife, sounding a little bitter. "I miss that guy who cheer us up, optimistic about everything."

"He's still that guy, John," Brian tried to comfort Deaky. "Deep down, you know he is."

"Looks like he forgot about it," John said. "Guys, you know where this conversation is going, I don't want to waste any more time on it, besides we have to go see how the boys are."

"Of course, I'm worried about Jimmy too" I sighed, touched by John's disappointment. "I'm sorry for that embaressment."

"Oh, it's not your fault, Chrissie." Deaky shook his head. "It was Freddie who should apologize."

"Unfortunately, this is very difficult to him to do, Johnny." Veronica told the truth.

"Have some hope, John." Brian tried again, before we said goodbye. "Good night, guys."

The Deacona answered us and they went their way, we went to ours.

"You know John is right, I can't even follow my own advice, I think my patience is running out too ..." Brian confessed on the way back.

"Oh, Bri, I'm really sorry," I automatically laid my head on his shoulder, leaning on his arm, careful not to disturb him driving "after my own share of bad times with Freddie, I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything, my love," Brian replied wearily. "Let's just forget this, and ... try to settle for Freddie by now."

What my husband said was heavy, but it was the reality. I guess I just got tired of advising Freddie to change, we all get tired. Apparently there was nothing we could do. Yet he was our friend.