Through Chrissie's eyes

An end or a pause

It took Brian about an hour and a half to get back, which wasn't too long. From the urgency with which Freddie had spoken on the phone, I thought my husband would take much longer. Though he had returned shortly, the way he arrived didn't leave me alone.

Lou and I were together in the dining room, I read as she tried to draw a sketch, scraping papers as she could. I noticed Brian coming in, opening the front door, but he didn't look for us, nor had he shouted from afar that he had arrived, just to let me know. He hadn't said a word until now. I heard his footsteps coming up the stairs, he must have gone to our room.

It was one of those times I had doubt about whether to let him deal alone with this dilemma for a while or I would immediately see what had happened. I then decided what to do.

"Mommy will be back soon, Lou, stay quiet here, okay?" I instructed my little girl and got up.

"Okay." Louisa answered me and went back to her drawings.

I scrambled up the stairs, fearing for Brian, hoping he was all right. I found him sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the wall almost blinking, except to ward off the tears that were already forming in the corner of his eyes.

I didn't dare call him, but he noticed my presence, looking at me. I understood that I could approach, he hugged me by the waist without getting up, I just returned, caressing his hair, still remaining silent.

"Brian" I touched his chin to look at me "you need to tell me what happened, please, my love."

"Believe me, I'm crying over anger rather than sadness" Brian muttered, and he released me for a moment, and I sat down beside him.

"Freddie, isn't it? But what was it? "I asked as I held his right hand with both my hands.

"First, he decided to sign a contract for two solo albums, without warning or asking our opinion" Brian was telling, trying to control the emotions "which means that Queen ... We aren't going to work together anymore, indefinitely. That was it, but ..."

Now it was I who was shocked, I understood well what Freddie had done, and what it meant for the band. It wasn't just about the job, but Queen was more than a band, it was a family, a big and important part of our lives, and not having the presence of the band in our lives was terrible, it would be the biggest wound because of that decision.

"Oh, I don't understand, I don't understand!" Brian let himself be angry "is it that nothing we've done to until now means anything to him? It's been 13 years together! It's not just the band itself, but our friendship ... And Chrissie, he said ... Some hurtful stuff, that's what hurts me, you know, Freddie sounded very ungrateful to me! I wanted to say so much, but the good thing about the rage was that it made me leave soon, before I responded to it as well. It's like we're not good enough for him, he's self-sufficient, oh God! He even said that he doesn't need us, I just ... It's a huge disappointment ..."

I had no words, I think I instantly felt everything Brian was feeling from a different perspective. Even if Freddie wanted to take a break, he still couldn't see that if he was in trouble, he could count on us. I guess that's what hurt the most in me in the middle of this whole story.

I just leaned closer to my husband, giving him another hug, and kissing his cheek.

"What do I do now?" he asked me in a muffled voice.

"We'll find a way, I assure you" I said gently.

"Mom?" we heared Louisa calling me, taking us out of that heavy state.

"Here, my love" I said loudly for her to hear me.

"Hi, Daddy!" Lou ran straight for Brian, which made him smile, which comforted my heart.

"Hi, Lou, what were you doing?" He turned all his attention to her.

"Drawing" she said in her cute way.

"Ah, can I see?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, come on, come on." Lou took his hand and pulled him down the stairs with her, I was right behind them.

"I'll get Jimmy at school, will you take Lou?" he said to Brian, who was a little better.

"I will." He nodded.

"I'll be back soon, will you be all right?" I knew it was a stupid question, I hated it when someone asked me when I was sick, but it was the only way I could show at that moment that I was still worried.

"I'm going to be, in time" Brian replied, ruefully, trying to show a little bit of optimism.

I knew that in time we would feel better, but now it was all recent.

If Brian and I were struggling to adapt to Queen's new reality, John and Roger faced the same dilemma. At least, the Mays, Deacons and Taylors teamed up even more to deal with Freddie's absence. It was still the prevailing topic in our conversations when we met each other.

"He went to Munich" said Roger bitterly, "so he ran away so he wouldn't have to face us ..."

"And you really think I could take your anger out on him?" John raised the question.

"You don't doubt it, John, you know I almost tried once" Taylor recalled.

"But he could knock you down with a knockout" Brian managed to smile.

"No, in case you two would help me knock him down, wouldn't you?" Roger suggested to Brian and John.

"Maybe." Deaky was thinking seriously.

"Look, I know you wouldn't do that." I entered into the conversation. "It would be best to talk, but not now, wanting or not, I'm defending you."

"That's why I love you, Chrissie, like a sister, okay Brian?" Rog gave one of his typical smirks.

"Even so, Freddie must have more reason to want to isolate himself" I told my thoughts to the boys. "Maybe he really wanted a space for himself, but these selfish opportunities also came along, and he chose what he wanted after all."

"I just say we all need more time to forgive him" Dominique said quietly, "deep down, we still consider him a friend."

What Mrs. Taylor said it was such a big truth that it made us nod in silence. Yeah, that stuff was still too delicate.

Suddenly, our silence was cut off by someone singing the lyrical part of "Bohemian Rhapsody" not someone, it was more of a person, not anyone, it was unmistakable who the voices were and what they sang.

We went to where Veronica was, looking at the children and especially Laura, who was still small. Jimmy, Mike, Bobby, Rory and Felix were singing the opera part, doing all the voices together. Of course they had to be singing a song made by Freddie. When they saw us, Mike and Rory were the only ones who kept singing, the other children were ashamed.

John, Roger, and Brian just gave them a proud smile. Even if Queen's future was now uncertain, we could trust its legacy to future generations.