Through Chrissie's eyes

John, Brian and the album's fight

I wasn't there when the boys got together to start the new album. It was raining hard that day and Brian insisted I stay at home. So I agreed with him and stayed with Jimmy.

It was a morning off for me, just me and my little one watching Doctor Who, Jimmy lay beside me on the couch, his little hand kept stroking my belly. The baby always reacted to Jimmy's touch.

All that lull was suddenly broken by the rare image of Brian coming in our house very angry. It had been a long time since I'd seen him like that. Only his facial expression told me that. He made an effort not to let his anger flicker to Jimmy.

"Dad?" asked our son, seeing that Brian wasn't well.

"Hey Jimmy." Brian kissed his cheek. "Are you taking care of Mommy and your little brother?"

Jimmy nodded, proud of himself.

His behavior made me smile proudly too, making Bri forget the problems a little.

"Sit here, breathe, tell me what happened, please" I said calmly, with all the patience of the world.

"Oh, Chrissie, I don't even know where to start ..." he said as I asked, taking a deep breath, sitting on my other side.

"Let's go by the order of the events" I suggested "what made you angry first?"

"I think it was all the things that made me angry " my husband said tiredly "I think it started with John because Freddie ... Freddie!"

"Calm down" I patted his shoulder in a comforting way "How was John able to do something that irritated you, and what exactly did he do?"

"John suggested a disco-style album" Brian said as if it was the world's greatest catastrophe.

"I like disco!" I smiled, surprised at the suggestion, but Brian grimaced with disgust, which made me fade a little.

"I'm sorry ..." he regretted seeing me shyly. "I know you love disco, but disco is for Earth Wind and Fire, Jacksons Five, not Queen, we're essentially a rock band."

"You didn't agree with that, did you?" I understood the whole story.

"No, not me, not Roger, but in the end we agreed, we did our best," Brian shrugged. "The worst thing was what Freddie did."

"What did he do this time?" I was getting ready to hear any nonsense.

"He dismissed Reid when we were in New York without telling us or consulting us, just because he wanted to!" He buried his face in his hands.

I just patted him on the back. I let Brian through the frustration of the moment, in silence, I was right there when he needed me. I had noticed that Freddie wasn't very well in New York. He had invited Mary to see Queen in the United States, just didn't count on the presence of her boyfriend, as we knew soon after. Instead of making Freddie happy, it shook him a little, and then Paul offered his nasty consolation. So in my theory, all of this had influenced the sudden decision he made. Decision that scared me, even waiting for the unexpected from Freddie.

"You have ... anyone in sight ... in John's place?" I ventured to ask, even though I thought it too soon.

"Poor Jim was forced to accept being our manager by Queen's "leader" " Brian said reluctantly, glad that Freddie chose Jim than any other stranger.

"I'm sorry, really, Bri, I know how frustrating certain decisions in the band can be, but ..." I looked at him and he turned to me. "Don't give up on Queen or the boys."

"No, I won't, it was just today that it was a bad day," he calmed down. "Maybe I can deal with this record thing till the end ... I need to ..."

"Tomorrow is another day, and it will be better, okay?" I tried to keep him optimistic.

"Yeah." Brian drew another sigh, temporarily surrendering, pulling me gently closer to him.

He used to do this when I was worried to help me deal with my problems, but I knew Brian was looking for my hug, because now he was in need of comfort. I was able to reciprocate at that moment every time he comforted me.

Brian was much better the other day of recording, but the mood began to get more and more tense. I was quiet as usual, Jimmy was at home with Gracey, and I was jotting down the dates of the upcoming shows when I heard the boys disagree.

"I don't want a guitar in the songs" John declared again, very emphatic.

"Excuse me?" Brian laughed in anger "sorry John, but as I recall, I never did anything bad for you, and now you leave me aside why exactly, if you don't mind clarifying?"

"Brian, it's nothing personal, seriously" John sounded impatient "the album proposal is disco, disco music has no guitar, you just won't play the guitar, but you will continue composing and everything ..."

"Do you realize that you're simply taking away my main function in the band?" My husband was trying not to shout "John, if I don't play, I'll feel useless."

"You're not useless Brian" Freddie said "see, this as a chance to be more than a guitarist, to explore other of your many abilities."

Brian's look at Freddie and John was deadly, of course he wanted to say more things, of which he would regret later, but only kept quiet. He sat at the keyboard and focused on the chords, learning the compositions of his friends, singing the chorus. They couldn't get another opinion from Brian during the rehearsal.

"I'm not going to get better until this record is over" my husband decided, telling me his frustration on the way home.

"I know," I said, "but ... if it's any consolation, I don't like the songs they recorded today either."

"My love, you're not saying this just to please me, right?" Brian suspected.

"I don't know if this was a criticism or a compliment, but look at me Bri, and see if I'm lying" I was serious "Queen playing disco... As much as I love disco... The Queen that I love plays rock and roll and other genres here and there, but Brian, really, disco doesn't suit you."

"It's the best thing you could tell me today" he ended up grinning.

"Now you're saying this to please me" I folded my arms.

"No, it's not" Brian laughed and I joined him.

Deep down, I knew he was relieved and I was glad to see my beloved smiling after looking so miserable in the studio. I knew he was serious, really would do his job upset until the album was ready.