Through Chrissie's eyes

The return

As soon as it was dark, we prepared to leave, and after such a busy day, the children soon fell asleep, taking advantage of the swing that the car made during the way. Brian was alert ahead of him, but still, he was concentrating on something else, probably the song he had written while we were on the beach. It was then that he began to hum a soft rhythm, probably the melody of his new song. My memory made me recognize it.

"You finished that song that you couldn't finish?" I said, after I remembered him humming that same melody at home.

"Yeah, you paid attention ..." Brian sounded amazed. "I just need to complete everything so it's definitely ready. I guess I can only do that in London, the rest of the lyrics are in my notebook."

"I understood" I nodded slowly, looking at him closely. "It's good to see you composing again ..."

My husband smiled and took my hand a little, his way of thanking me without words.

We stayed in Hampton for some time, until we got home, and Jimmy was back in class for a week. This week we went all four together to Hyde Park, see the stars together, and in one quiet afternoon, Brian finished his song.

"All Sense" was about himself, no doubt about it, it was about the feeling of being lost that Queen's break caused in Brian, but before the song was over, my husband added a little hope, stating that I, Jimmy and Louisa, we were what made his life make sense.

"It's beautiful ..." I murmured in excitement after he showed me the song.

I wanted to ask if he would put it on the band's next album, but I didn't have the courage for it. Although we were quieter now, we were still worried about what would happen to Queen.

"You know, music is a way of ... putting your feelings out ... when you can't speak ..." He shrugged, sounding thoughtful.

"I know" I just nodded, and automatically hugged him, knowing how much he needed it.

Brian pulled the guitar from the space between us and hugged me better, holding me for a while. I didn't hear him cry, nor was there any sign of crying when I looked back at him, really, in an ironic way, music helped him deal with missing Queen.

Brian missed the band and Freddie, I knew he was more than willing to go back to work with the boys, but dealing with Freddie was another dilemma to be faced. There was still grief and resentment on Bri's part, and John and Roger felt the same.

Being back home, we returned to our routine, trying to keep hope that everything would be all right, regardless of how things were different from how we were used to. However, a turnaround came right at the right time.

Me and Jimmy had arrived after I'd picked him up from school, Brian stayed with Louisa at home that day. I found him utterly puzzled, in a mixture of rage and euphoria, both feelings contained, but his gaze was restless.

"What happened?" I went straight, since it was clear that something serious had happened.

Brian sighed before he told me, coming out of that state almost in a trance.

"Jim called" he started, simple, trying to keep calm "there's an event Bob Geldof is organizing, is called Live Aid, it's basically a series of shows with different artists to raise donations to help the needy in Africa."

"It sounds very big and important" said my impressions after Brian paused again.

"Yeah, I thought so too" he went on, "what he wants is for Queen to get involved."

"Oh ..." was all I could say in the face of the possibilities, there was no Queen without Freddie, no Freddie could be Queen alone, the band was always its four members.

As I thought all this, Brian gave another sigh.

"Chrissie, Freddie's back ..." he told me with some regret, trying to be totally happy about it, but he still couldn't.

Instinctively, I put a hand on his shoulder, and it wasn't long before I thought of the advice I needed for that moment.

"You'll have to solve this, no matter how bad, and as much as yoy lose your patience" I encouraged, "but he's still your friend, your brother ..."

"The brother who left us" Brian shook his head. "Look, Jim said that Freddie wants to see us and talk, they set a schedule for tomorrow."

My husband didn't have to say anything more, I just look at him and realize that behind all the hurt, there was still the desire to see his friend again.

"It's going to be all right, Bri" it was all I could wish for, and he just nodded in response.

It was impossible not to raise expectations as to what would happen, there was still a chance they would decide not to join Live Aid, but I saw it all as a chance to reconcile the band and restore Roger, John, Freddie and Brian's friendship. And, clinging even more to hope, it could be Queen's definitive return.

Of course the children noticed Brian's concern and, like me, they were also afflicted, but soon he tried to distract and reassure them.

"Don't be like that, my darlings" he said, looking directly at Jimmy and Louisa "it's just an adult thing."

"It seems like all adult things make the adults sad" Jimmy commented.

"No, not everything, son." Brian felt the need to improve his thinking. "There are good things about being an adult, it's just some things that seem to get harder, and sometimes we think we can't solve them."

"So you're sad because that's what you're thinking?" understood our son.

"Yeah, yeah, Jimmy, Brian gave a wistful smile "we can only wait to see how things will go after all."

Jimmy just nodded, realizing it was best not to ask any more questions. So we went to sleep, without the expectations on the outcome of the meeting diminishing.

The next day, near the time of the meeting, Brian got ready and before he left, I kissed him.

"Good luck ..." I said good-bye, softly.

He just smiled, sure enough remembering every time I'd done it.

So he went to Jim's office and the hours he was gone were agonizing for me. Would it be decided to break Queen? Would Live Aid be their farewell performance? Would the boys be able to forgive Freddie? Would Queen be the way it was before?

All this was hanging around my head and only Louisa calling me to watch Doctor Who with her managed to distract me for a while. When Brian arrived, I ran to him, desperate, anxious for news.

"So?" I snapped.

"We're back, Chrissie" my husband told me excitedly.

I jumped into his open arms, and he spun me, as excited as I was.

"What's going on?" Louisa came to ask, confused "you're going to make Mommy dizzy, Daddy."

Brian laughed and set me back on the floor.

"Dad and the uncles are going to play together again, my love," I explained to her, and Lou gave me a huge smile as well.

We, as Queen's fans and part of the family that they were, were more than happy with the news. It was simply wonderful.

A/N: I forgot to say that the song that I mentioned in this chapter "All Sense" was actually wrote by me and you can listen to it here on this link