Through Chrissie's eyes

Back to London

We spent a few more days in France, finalizing the album, and while the boys were not working, we went out together at night, but unfortunately, we ended up taking opposite directions. The tiredness struck me earlier, Brian and John too, not to mention Jimmy sleeping early, so me and my family spent more time in the hotel at night than anywhere else. Freddie dragged Roger through the night, going through all the places they thought were interesting in Paris. These nocturnal habits only made me even more worried about these two.

For me, the worst thing was that Freddie didn't want to tell about his nocturnal adventures, I didn't know if I was happy to be spared certain embarrassing details, or sad, since usually when he left, it was clear that he behaved like a runaway vehicle. When Roger and Freddie were gone, they would be back late and would wake up almost at lunchtime.

"Looks like somebody's going to run out of breakfast," John said, finally seeing them while we were having lunch.

"No problem Deaky" Freddie replied as if that hadn't hit him "we jumped straight for lunch."

"Freddie" I called, trying to get around that embarrassing situation. "I know how much you like to go out, and how cool it must be to know all the different things here in France, but ... we worry about you, so I can't ask you not to go out, I'm not asking for it, I don't think I have the right, I don't even have it, it's just ... just take care of yourself when you're on the streets, okay?"

Mercury looked at me intently, respectful of my argument, but in the end, he ended up smiling.

"You're cute, you know, Mrs. May? It's very touching how you care about me, and I really appreciate it, but without being rude, Jimmy needs a lot more of your attention."

I knew deep down he just wanted to skip the subject of the night and ignore my sermon, but the way he said it kind of hurt a little. My gaze drifted quickly to Brian, who felt sorry for me at the time, and I disguised my embarrassment of what Freddie said taking a sip of water. I felt Brian holding my hand under the table.

"Freddie, take it easy" my husband said, with the greatest patience in the world.

"I'm sorry, sorry." Mercury raised his hands in his defense. "I didn't mean to be rude. It's just that I'm grown up, I know how to take care of myself."

-Yeah, Chrissie, we're on top of the world, being rock stars, we have to enjoy all this, it doesn't hurt to enjoy it a little" Roger agreed with Freddie to my despair.

"I just hope" I managed to recover from the shock and keep a firm posture "that you don't forget that you have a little boy and a wife waiting for you."

"I know, and I would never forget them." Taylor looked into my eyes and I felt his sincerity. "I didn't do anything, Chrissie, seriously."

"Oh ..." I sighed wearily.

I just finished my meal in silence, not wanting to continue that conversation any longer. I wasn't hurt by Freddie, just worried. It was my nature, and he was like a brother to me, so I didn't want anything bad to happen to him. Later, Roger came to talk to me and confessed that what he did that might not have been so good was to have flirted with some fans and other girls who didn't recognize him, but nothing more, he swore to me. And yet, he acknowledged that he shouldn't have done it, at least nothing worse had happened. By the way things were, I really wanted to go home soon.

Then, back to London, things went back to what I was used to. "Jazz" was the album that Queen released, it wasn't an absolute success as previous albums, but their sales were good enough. With a new album, came the publicity shows, another thing that was already part of my routine and I was back to normal. However, as much as we were always together, Freddie was increasingly isolated from us. As long as the boys were working together, he was as I remembered the first time I met him, enthusiastic, determined, stubborn to keep his ideas going, laughing here and there as only friends did. But after that, when he left and was with Paul, he seemed to turn into someone else, just wanting to enjoy everything life could offer, in the worst sense. Still, I worried about him, and I loved him like a brother.

It was the day after I put Jimmy to sleep that Brian saw how far I was, thinking precisely of Freddie.

"It's all right, sweety?" Brian asked me after we got ready to go to bed.

"It's nothing, it's just ..." I sighed, I needed to talk, but that was wearing me off "Freddie is worrying me, too much, I think even more than I should worry."

"I know, we're worried too, and there's no way to make him think these habits are bad," my husband agreed. "You know it's impossible say no to Freddie, don't you?"

"I know, the worst is, what do you do with someone who doesn't want to be helped?" I questioned Brian for help.

"I don't know, Chrissie, I don't know" Bri was sad about all that, too "I think we can only continue to offer our friendship."

"Yeah, I think so." I cringed in my husband's chest, who hugged me, trying to settle for that solution.

Sad as I was at the thought of Freddie, I didn't give up. The friendship between my family, the Deacons and the Taylors was still strong and Freddie was a part of the three families, even if it was only in our hearts, which was enough, and we still saw each other, even if it wasn't the same way like a few years ago. It was thinking of all this that I decided to promote another meeting of ours in my house, to watch a movie like the time the boys met.

Soon the house was a little fuller than usual, now that we had three little boys. Felix was still very young, but it was amazing to see the care Robert and Jimmy had when playing with him. So while the children were playing, we watched the premiere of A New Hope on TV. Shortly after Luke met Obi-Wan, I answered the bell that sounded in that moment. It could only be our long-lost friend. I opened the door and there was no error in my deduction.

"Hi, Freddie" I said, a little surprised, a little disappointed.

"Hi." He looked abnormally embarrassed. "Sorry for the delay, and sorry for ... whatever else I did that might have hurt you."

"It's okay, really," I managed to smile. "We all have our favorite hobbies, I just have to understand yours ..."

"I know I'm not easy" he confessed "but thank you for understanding me."

I couldn't say anything else, his behavior still shaken me, but tonight I would focus on thinking of him as my dear friend, nothing more. I finished inviting him in, and he settled between us. Everyone was genuinely interested in the movie, which made me glad we had something we liked in common and made me forget about my worries for the rest of the night.