Through Chrissie's eyes

In the way to New York

I woke up before Brian, which was pretty weird. He always woke up earlier to advance something about the band and his own compositions, or make breakfast, or as I discovered over the years, he loved to read in the midst of the silence of the whole house.

That particular morning, I think I woke up early to be anxious about the trip to New York, we were leaving just after lunch. I got up and was already thinking about what to wear, when I thought better. Brian was still asleep and any movement I did would wake him up, and that wasn't my intention.

As I looked at him, to make sure he was still asleep, I was lost in his face. I confess it wasn't his best moment, his hair was a mess, a lock touching his mouth, partially open. He was dead tired, but even so, in that state, watching him made my heart beat harder. I was too silly, or very passionate. A little of both, since falling in love left us a little silly. More than that, I loved him. Even with that scary look.

I think the mistrust caused by someone staring at you during your sleep made him wake up.

"Chrissie" he murmured, scratching his eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you" I sat down beside him.

"Well, I prefer you waking me up than the alarm clock, I can assure you, my wife, which is much nicer." He smiled and leaned in to kiss me, then touched my belly, a little larger now "how is our baby?"

"This one's fine, Jimmy I haven't seen yet," I said, "I'll call him."

"Yes, ma'am" Brian replied, but he still looked sleepy.

I went to my boy's room, smiling at the painting on the wall at a glance. I loved that Brian and I had painted the room in a universe theme. full of stars, comets, and planets. I even added a small TARDIS in the little corner. The Doctor had to be there, exploring the universe outside. And Jimmy also loved Doctor Who.

"My love?" I sat next to him, and he was still slept, the same image I saw in Brian moments ago "time to wake Jimmy up."

"Mom?" he called softly, still tired, without releasing the plush dalek that was next to him "I have to get up?"

"Yes, yes, did you forget we're going to New York today?" I reminded him.

"No, I didn't forget." That made Jimmy get up for good.

Which was good because I soon helped him to change and he was so excited that he ran away.

"Come on, Mom, I'm going faster than you!" he challenged.

"I'm going faster!" I laughed to catch up.

"Don't run on the stairs!" Brian warned, as soon as he understood our joke.

Ironically, he ran faster than the two of us, standing in front of us.

"Oh, Dad!" Jimmy complained.

"Running on the stairs is dangerous," my husband explained urgently. "You can get hurt, and you're pregnant with our child, God forbid if you slip."

Before I said anything else, already understanding his concern, Brian offered me an arm, like a knight of fairy tales.

"I'm not Queen Victoria, Bri" I tried to joke, but I held his arm anyway.

"I know, but just as no one wanted something bad to happen to her, I don't want any accidents to happen to you three." He looked at me and Jimmy.

"Understood, my lord husband." I kissed his cheek. "I love you for all your care."

Brian just smiled in response. He was always very protective of me even before the children, but when I was pregnant this care multiplied much more. He never let me drink too much coffee, however much I loved it, and had to be decaffeinated. He never let me carry weight, he'd pick Jimmy up whenever I asked, since I couldn't. Sometimes it was a bit annoying, I felt kind of useless, but I ended up loving every little gesture of attention.

We spent the rest of the morning seeing the last details of the trip and finally we embarked. Jimmy was on my side while Brian was sitting in front of us.

"Look, Mom, this is ... the clouds!" Jimmy pointed out, delighted, looking out the window.

!Yeah, see? We're in the middle of them" I replied, delighted with my little boy.

"Really? Does the plane pass between them?" he asked.

"Yes, yes" I said, and we looked at each other.

I was a little distracted with Jimmy, but I kept noticing Brian half distant in front of me, his thoughts were far away, the camera in his hands, he wriggled and turned, an attempt to distract his own thoughts.

"Did you take a picture of us, Dad?" Jimmy looked at him.

"Oh, I did" he said. When we talked to our boy, Brian was all right again"you didn't even notice."

"Hidden? Isn't it wrong to do things hidden?" Jimmy was shocked.

"I don't think so, if it's a good thing," Brian said with an air of wisdom.

"Ok ..." My little one seemed to understand the advice.

"What is it, Bri?" he could fool Jimmy, but not me "I don't want to be direct, I know what you must be thinking, I just don't want to talk so I won't make you sad ..."

I realized he was grateful for my sensitivity to the subject. He gave me a sad smile, took one of my hands and kissed the back of it.

"I'm beginning to think it was a horrible idea to invite my parents ..." Brian sighed. "Do you know when ... you want to prove that what you like to do and your parents hate is a good thing anyway? But are you afraid to show because you are afraid of what they will find?"

"I thought one example" what he said reminded me of something of my adolescence "I don't know if it has much to do with it, but, well, my father hated fantasy books, he said that I should spend my precious time learning something useful, not made up stories, so I kind of read it hidden. Until one day he found out, and in the end he came to accept, that reading, whatever it was, was a good thing. I think what convinced him the most was my always goof grades."

"Yeah, there's a little bit to do with it" Brian gave another sad smile. "The problem is ... My dad likes music, he just wanted me to like it as a hobby, I ... I'm just afraid he'll be more disappointed with me, watching me play and being part of Queen."

"Brian, you didn't disappoint anyone" I felt my heart broke with his words. "My love, you've always been a good son, it's just that ... good or bad, no one can fulfill their own parents' expectations. Not specifically and precisely what they wanted from us. We only do our best to make them proud. And playing the guitar is one of the things that you do best. Your dad will love to see you play the Red Special, which you guys did together. Trust me."

My poor Brian had no words, he tried not to cry, and there was no way I could get up to give him a hug. I just took one of his hands, stroking it with my thumb.

"I love you" my husband sighed, "thank you."

"I love you too, Bri" I said with all the conviction of the world.

"Me too, Daddy." Jimmy joined us, which made us laugh with joy.

For a moment, Brian focused only on us, the family he had formed with me, who would always love him.

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