Ashen || k.th.

33

"Y/N, are you sure about this? You know I can always go with you if you need me." Hoseok asked me for the nth time this day.

"I am, Hobi. I'm sorry for leaving you here. I just.. I just can't stay." I muttered and closed my eyes.

Taehyung didn't come back. I waited for hours, days, weeks. But he didn't come, leaving not a single trace of him. He left like a dream, making me almost believe that he never happened. That we never happened. But the pain is too real to just be a fragment of a dream.

I didn't go out nor talk to anyone, my hopes of him coming back still high. But after yesterday, when I finally decided to talk to Hoseok, I decided to stop waiting. I stopped waiting but it doesn't mean that I am not expecting him to burst out of any door in this station to come and hug me, tell me everything's fine and he's here.

"I'm sorry, Y/N." Hoseok said, giving me a final hug. His arms enclosed around me as I feel a little security.

"It's fine, Hobi. I'll be okay. Maybe this is what's meant to happen." I said to myself more than to him.

"You're strong, Y/N. Just remember that Taehyung won't want you crying and hurting over him. He's in a better place now and I'm sure that he wants you to be happy." Hoseok reminded me, wiping away stray of tears that managed to escape my eyes.

"I will be. Maybe not now but I will be soon." Hoseok gave me a kiss on the head, making my heart clench. Taehyung always do that to comfort me. "I got to go. I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Sure. You take care and call me if you need something, okay?"

"I will." I gave him a weak smile and began heading away. Before stepping out the door, I called to Hoseok.

"Hobi?"

"Yes, princess?"

"Thank you." He looked at me with pity as he shed his silent tears as well. He waved me off despite the sadness that dawned on him as I walked with teary eyes.

Again, as I'm faced with one of the biggest struggles in my life, I realized one thing. This isn't a fairytale. Life is far from that. This isn't a fucking disney movie where all you have to do is sing a goddamn song and everything will fall back into place. No, you have no choice but to dwell in pain everyday until it lightens and finally be gone. You have to feel the pain, the loss, and the hurt. Just because you're happy doesn't mean you'd get to be for the rest of your life. You'll lose and you'll gain. You'll be high up in euphoria and the next thing you know, you're crumbling to the ground. Silly me, I held on to something that I knew was temporary since the beginning.

But do I regret meeting him?

No, I would never.

'It just hurts now, Y/N. It will be gone soon.' I muttered encouraging words in my head as the train takes off.

As I moved away from Daegu, the hole in my heart expands. Suddenly, I felt so weak. It's like I haven't waited long enough for him. I feel like I haven't done anything for Taehyung when he was still here. I should have done this, done that, told him this, told him that. A tear rolled from my cheek as I sobbed quietly.

All I want is to see Taehyung. Even for the last time to say goodbye. To tell him how much I love him and how much I need him. Just a glimpse of him is all I want. Is it too much to ask?

At some point, my mind began playing tricks with me. Making me think that he would be there at my flat, waiting for me just like how he used to whenever I come home. Maybe he's there, always ready to open his arms out to me, to kiss all the stress of the day away, to hug me tight until every fear that resides in me is long gone. But I know he's not. He's gone for good and I won't ever be able to see him again. It hurts me to no end but I can't do anything than to cry and dwell in this heartbreak all alone.

Once my ride ended, I didn't know where to go even though I know this place so well. Being without Taehyung feels so different. I feel like someone else. My hands were shaking as I reached up to open my flat.

'Please be here.' My heart wished. But ofcourse, he's not. It slowly dawned on me as I broke down by my door.

"Please, Taehyung. Don't do this. I need you, baby. I need you." I called out. I was greeted by the silence I haven't had in a while. The place that used to be full of smiles, laughters, and giggles were now flooding with grief, sorrow, and hurt. This doesn't even feel like home to me now. I know my home is not here anymore. Home is where my love is. Home is where Taehyung is.

"Come back to me. Please. I love you." I whispered. I'm weak, inside and out but I managed to go to my bedroom with my painting of him and hugged his pillow. The almost unused pillow since he prefers lying on my chest. I flowed out all my grief on his pillow as I mourn shamelessly. "I miss you."

I lost him. I lost my remedy.

I've lost the only man I loved. I couldn't help but compare my present state to how he is when we first met. My heart is now similar to the old Taehyung. Cold, alone, broken, gone.

"I love you, Taehyung. Forever and always, baby." I tried to smile through the pain and thought of him. "Just.. Just let me cry for you, okay? I promise you that I'll be fine. You won't see me like this again. I won't disappoint you, Taehyung. I'll be the woman you deserve. I'll be what we dreamed of. I will be the one you deserve."

Even if you're not here anymore to see me.

THE END.

A/N: Lmao just kidding. We're on the final arc of the storryy! Im so happy to share this with you guys. Thank you so much for the continous support! What do you think will happen now?

Don't forget to vote and comment for this chapter!

P.s. Stream Black Swan bc it's a freaking masterpiece. Period. xx