Ashen || k.th.

32

"Tae? Where are you going?" I laid half-awake and looked at him with droopy eyes. He was standing away from the bed, his hand on the door knob as if he's leaving.

"I'm going to go see you..." He whispered with a smile, grinning at me ever so innocently.

"What?" My sleepy state wasn't able to comprehend what he just said as I eye him with confusion. "But I am here, Tae."

"You are, kitten. But I'm not." His words silenced me. I grew more and more confused as I feel him moving closer to me until his ashen form stood infront of me.

"Stay here, Tae." I mumbled. He gave me a smile, his eyes flaring with so much emotion. I thought I saw his eyes flash a color of a deep coffee brown but it was gone the moment it came.

"I was never here, baby." He whispered. What he said caused panic to rise into me. A frown etched on my face as I grabbed his arms tightly, making sure I feel him and he feels me.

Is he leaving me?

What does he mean by he's never here?

"T-Taehyung.." I called out as I noticed him almost fading. He began to grow paler and paler as I clung onto him, scared that if I let go, he'll disappear. He gave me another small smile which shows how unfazed he is of what's happening to him as he leaned in to rest his forehead against mine.

"Rest, kitten. I love you."

Then everything turned black.

7:16 am.

Waking up in an empty bed is my least favorite thing. I always look for the same chills that shot up my body whenever I feel Taehyung's presence beside me. I want to feel his soft hair right where the skin of my stomach is or his cold arms wrapped around my waist. However, this morning, I felt none of it and God, did it set me off.

I woke up all alone in the bed with no trace of Taehyung. His soft giggles were gone. So is his clammy hands that used to trace random things over my skin. I frowned and stood up groggily. After I am done with my business, I began searching for him and calling out for him all around the flat.

"I was never here, baby."

My world stopped as I began to feel my heart sink in my stomach. I began to pace around the hotel room desperately, hoping that it was just another nightmare.

"Tae? Taehyung, where are you?" I stepped into the living room but he isn't there.

"Taehyung?" I called out to the kitchen, still none. I feel bile rise up my throat as I swallowed thickly. I've roamed the whole house, checked on every single corner but he's no where to be found.

"Taehyung, this is not funny." Swallowing seems harder as crying looks easier. I was expecting him to come out of a corner or cover my eyes from the back just like before but he didn't.

My heart grew heavy by the second as I waited and waited and waited. It seems like the world around me stopped functioning as I try to hold myself up from breaking down.

1:38 pm.

I sat in the bed patiently as I let out silent whimpers. I tried to stop crying because I know it upsets Taehyung to see me cry but I just can't. I feel so scared again, so lost, and hopeless. Yet, I still try to calm myself down. This has happened before and he came back.

I can't help but picture his face, his hair, his voice. I could almost see him everywhere even with my eyes closed and it kills me. I hated the thought of him leaving me so I push it away every time it crosses my mind, not knowing that this would happen. It happened way too soon.

"He'll come back. He always does."

7:27 pm.

I'm never a religous person. But at this moment, I prayed. I prayed hard to have him back to me as every ounce of strength is drained from my body and every pain is poured out of my soul.

Hoseok and Seokjin tried calling but I seriously have no strength to pick it up. I haven't even eaten anything but I don't feel hunger nor thirst. There's just this sinking feeling in my stomach and the painful clenching of my heart every second that passes without him here with me.

1:48 am.

Taehyung had warned me about this. But the asshole didn't even say goodbye to me. I would say that it hurts like a thousand stabbing knives but I think that won't be a match to what I feel. I've built plans with him, I've built my whole world around him. And now that he's gone, I don't know how to start picking up pieces of me. It is not just because I lost my boyfriend. Taehyung means so much more to me than that. He's.. He's my soulmate, my world, my everything. He's the first person to actually fill in the hole in my heart that my expriences gave me. He made me feel how it's like to be loved, cared, adored. That I have my worth.

And now it's all gone.

I lost my love.

4:28 am.

I passed out countless times but wakes up with the same amount of tears. Right now, I wasn't crying, I can't anymore. Every breath seems like a punch in the gut as I stood up. I laughed humorlessly, probably looking like a mad woman.

"So this is it? This? This is how we end, Kim Taehyung?" I spat out. I feel so mad. So angry, frustrated, and broken. "Taehyung, please. If you can hear me... Don't disappear."

Why do I always end up like this? Being left all alone after giving almost everything I have?

I know, Taehyung doesn't have his control over things such as this. He might even not know what to call these things. But that doesn't stop my grief and the overall exhaustion I feel from inside me. My body's fine. I can still work if I'm being honest. But my brain is blank, my heart is numb, and my eyes are pouring with tears. I feel so hallowed and empty as my dream replayed in my mind.

I was wrecked. A sobbing mess on the floor when I heard my door busted open. Hope ignited inside of me as I stood up as quick as a lightning. I ran to it mindlessly, nothing but Taehyung in my mind.

"Taehyu--"

"Y/N." And just like that, another wave of breakdown fell upon me. Hoseok immediately runs to me and held me tight. "Oh my God, Y/N. What happened?"

"T-Taehyung... Hoseok he's-- he's n-not--" I couldn't form a coherent sentence but Hoseok seems to understand as he eyes me with sorrow. He held me tightly and just sat there with me.

"It's gonna be fine, Y/N." He whispered. That was all what I held on to. Days have past and Hoseok never left me. He takes care of me and I'm beyond grateful for that.

"I know it will be, Hobi. He'll come back, won't he?" Hurt flashed his eyes as I turned my back on him. He doesn't need to say it. I know he thinks it's hopeless but I'm not yet ready to admit that to myself. Everday felt the same ever since he was gone. It was all the same cycle of hoping, crying, and breaking.

Because he never came back.

Ever since that very day, the boy with blank eyes and ashen skin remained etched in every piece of me.

That boy never left my dreams, that boy I fell insanely inlove with.

A/N: I'm sorry... :((
This will all be over soon, loves. What do you think will happen now that Taehyung's gone?

Don't be a silent reader! Please vote and comment it you appreciate this story. It will really mean a lot to me. I love y'all!