Shipwrecked Hearts

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"Starfish..." Iyon ang unang salitang lumabas sa kanyang labi. My eyes locked on his features—he looked pale, he also lost a lot of pounds already, but even though that was the case, he still looked regal and you can still see the muscles he had. Tumingin din ako sa kanyang kinauupuan. He was in a wheelchair. He looked sick.

"You... You're alive." Kahit man na gusto kong pigilan ang aking mga luha, para silang may sariling mga buhay na lumalabas.

"I told you, it'd only be a matter of time before she finds out." Saavedra said, "love will always find a way, Maximo."

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang kanilang pinagsasabi at wala akong balak intindihin. Tila nabura ang lahat ng nasa mundo at tanging kaming dalawa lang ni Maximo ang natira. Ang dami kong gustong ikwento, tanungin, at sabihin sa kanya.

I wiped my tears away and looked at Aurelius, "you knew..." my tone sounded like I was accusing him, "why did you hide it from me?"

"It was my choice, Starfish. I told him to never tell you that I am alive." This time, Maximo spoke. His voice was still the same, lovely and proud. I've always loved everything about him, from head to toe.

"W-Why?"

"Because I thought that was for the best." Ngumiti siya nang mapakla. "I'm quadriplegic now, Starfish... and my disease is progressive. It's only a matter of time before I go."

What is this? Matapos ang ilang taon ng pagkikita namin, ang kanyang sasabihin muli ay ang kanyang pag-alis?!

Kumuyom ang aking kamao. "You're so unfair!" I cried. "You lived, Maximo! You lived! But you never showed yourself in front of me, you never came to me even though I screamed your name countless of times! I believed in the idea that you died, because you were... but my heart always told me otherwise, a part of me always wished you were alive!"

"Starfish..." There was sadness in his voice.

"Don't go on by yourself deciding what's best for me or not! Imagine, you've wasted more than four years, Maximo! We could have had a great life together in the past four years, only if you came and showed yourself to me... imagine, our kids—Life, Ethereal, Maximo, Alexander—they could have grown feeling the love of a father. You took it away from them. You took it away from us." I sobbed.

"You have no idea how hard it has been for me... believing you died that very day." I cried, more tears came... wala akong paki sa ibang mga tao na tumitingin sa akin. I know I was causing a scene, but... after everything, why?! I just wanted to know his reason. But he remained silent.

Hindi siya umimik. Sa halip, he pushed a button on his wheelchair which moved accordingly. The he stopped right in front of me. "All these years, I've been watching over you, Starfish." Ngumiti si Maximo, "you think it was not hard for me? To watch you... fall in love with another man. But I chose to stay dead, because I wanted you to be happy. I can't give you that, not like this anymore. What's the use of letting you know I am alive, if at the very end—I'll still die."

"Who are you to decide whether I've fallen in love again or not? Who are you to decided whether you can make me happy or not?! Hindi ba't kasal tayo, Maximo? For better or for worse, in sickness and in health... that's our pledge, our vow to each other... pero... pero bakit mas pinili mong solohin ang lahat?"

"Because it was for you." He said. "With the little time I had left, I wanted to make sure that when I really leave this world, you'll be genuinely happy again."

"No... it isn't for me, it's for you." My voice was angry and sad. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba dapat ang mararamdaman ko ngayon. This is too much to take. "If you really loved me, why did you have to hide yourself from me?"

"I'm sorry..." Maximo held my hand, for the first time—the familiar sensation of his touch, of his rough palm, it felt good... and at the same time, I wanted to push him away. I was mad... pero nangibabaw pa rin ang pagmamahal sa aking puso. I let him hold me. His warmth registered into my heart.

With the last courage I had, hinawakan ko ang kanyang kamay at tinanggal ang kanyang pagkakahawak sa akin. "I... I have to go." With that, I gave a warning glance at Aurelius, "don't show yourself to me ever again." I whispered to him.

"Starfish..."

"Please, Maximo..." I said without looking at him, "this is too much... and too painful."

Hindi siya umimik. I sensed an overwhelming sadness in him. With that, I turned my back against the three and walked out of the restaurant. Sa bawat paghakbang ko palayo, parang sinasaksak ang aking puso. Gusto kong bumalik at yakapin siya, gusto kong sabihin sa kanya na pinapatawad ko na siya... na gusto ko siyang ipakilala sa kanyang mga anak. Pero tila may sariling mga buhay ang aking mga paa na tumungo sa aking kotse.

Sumakay ako roon at walang sabi kong pinagsusuntok ang manibela habang umiiyak. Pakiramdam ko ay pinaglalaruan ako ng mundo.

Kasabay ng aking paghagulgol ay ang pagkatok ng isang tao sa bintana ng aking kotse. I looked at the man and saw Aurelius, "go away!" I screamed.

"Kira, listen!"

"I said go away!" Galit at inis na sigaw ko.

"Si Maximo... inatake siya!"

And that was enough for me to open the door and run back to his arms.

~~~

Nasa isang pribadong kuwarto kami ngayon sa klinika ni Dr. Rostova. Katatapos lamang na maturukan ng gamot si Maximo. Kaninang inatake siya ay agad namin siyang dinala rito. He looked weaker than before and it was only an hour since our reunion.

His meek eyes scanned the room and when he finally saw me, his lips curved upward into a smile. Walang sabi akong lumapit sa kanya at hinawakan ko ang kanyang nanlalamig na kamay. "I'm sorry..." He whispered. "I did not want you to see me like this, I wanted your last memory of me to be the strong version of me, not this."

"You are strong no matter how you look, Maximo." I smiled sadly. "You will always be strongest man I know."

"If it wasn't for my muscular dystrophy, I would have shown myself again, Starfish." Mahina ang boses ni Maximo ngunit sapat na iyon upang marinig ko, "that's why I decided otherwise. Instead, I invested my time on ensuring that you will find happiness and meaning to life again."

"And that's how I met you..." tumingin ako kay Aurelius na tumango naman. "Our meeting was not by chance, tama ang sinabi ni Stark..."

"I'm sorry." Aurelius looked down.

"It's okay... you were only respecting the wish of Maximo." I said. Ngayong kalmado na ako ay mas napoproseso ko na ang mga impormasyon na aking nakukuha. Hindi na rin ako magpapadalos sa mga desisyon na gagawin ko sa ngayon.

"Before I leave, I wanted to at least make sure you are happy. You've been through a lot of things already, Starfish, I don't want to make you go through any more."

"But if it's with you, I am also willing to suffer the burden and pain, Maximo... It must have been hard, carrying the weight of the world all by yourself all these years." We broke into tears. "It must have been so painful..."

Umiling siya, "at some point, it was, but watching you from afar, it gave me determination and courage to look forward. I wanted to fight the disease, but it's slowly killing me. There is nothing I can do but accept my fate."

Tumingin ako kay Dr. Rostova, my eyes are hoping again for another miracle, "please, save him... do something."

Ngumiti lang nang mapakla ang doktor. "The disease has no cure, Kira." Aniya. "He has not much time left."

"In a week..." Tumingin ako kay Maximo nang magsalita muli siya, "I'll be gone in a week." He smiled sadly. Kasabay nito, muling rumagasa ang mga luha sa aking mga mata.