Shipwrecked Hearts

Navigare 67

It's been a week. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa nagigising si Maximo. He is in the state of a coma. Ngayon lang ulit nagkaroon ng pagpupulong sa buong konseho at mga pirata. Ramdam ko ang mabigat na tens'yong bumabalot sa paligid. Alam kong lahat sila ay maraming tanong ngunit hindi na nagsalita pa. Pakiramdam ko ay hinihintay nila akong magsalita in behalf of Maximo.

Pumeke ako ng ubo upang ihanda ang boses. Pinasadahan ko ng tingin ang lahat ng mga lupon. Dahil sa ginawa ko ay bumaling ang kanilang mga tingin sa akin. I gave a measured and practiced smile, "Maximo is still unconscious." Mukhang alam na nila iyon kaya hindi sila tumauli, naninibago ako, pakiramdam ko ang lungkot-lungkot nila.

Marami na ring mga maharlika na umalis muna sa isla sa dahilang hindi na ito ligtas pa gaya ng pinangako ni Maximo. Nagpapasalamat na lang ako dahil marami pa ring nanatili sa kabila ng lahat ng gulo sa kadahilanang wala naman silang ibang mapupuntahan at nasa islang ito ang buong buhay nila.

"We are very aware of that." Tumingin ako sa bagong ulo ng lupon ng mga pirata, si Memento. "This meeting is held just to make sure that there will be a new king to the throne." Doon na nagsimulang tumango ang halos karamihan. May iba na tahimik lang, may iba na nagprotesta. Ngunit karamihan ay halos sang-ayon. "Maximo's life is not guaranteed, anytime now, he may fall in an eternal peace—"

Wala sa sariling humampas ang aking mga kamay sa pahabang mesa dahilan upang matigilan siya sa kan'yang sinasabi, hindi ko alam ngunit parang may sariling mga buhay ang kamay ko na bigla na lang mamumuo ng mahigpit na kamao at saka susuntok sa kahoy na talahanayan. Umalingawngaw ang tunog nito na tila malakas na pagkumpas ng tambol.

"Fuck you, Memento. Fuck you all and everyone." Gaya ng mga kamay ko, parang may sariling buhay din ang aking mga labi, hindi ko namamalayan na may sinasabi na pala ako. Suminghap ang halos lahat sa silid dahil sa aking inasta. I mentally face-palmed. Gusto ko sanang bawiin ang aking sinabi ngunit nandito na ako. Paninindigan ko na lang ang lahat ng ginawa ko sa mga pagkakataong ito. Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga at pinandilitan silang lahat ng tingin. "Do you all fucking think that Maximo is replaceable?!"

Walang nagsalita. Naramdaman ko na tila hindi na sila huminga, hindi ko alam ngunit napakalamig na ngayon ng boses ko—hindi mawari kung galit ba o sadyang walang emos'yon. Tinataasan ako ng balahibo sa aking sarili. I Shook the thought away and continued.

"Maximo is fighting to live and y'all have given up on him already? I am disappointed. What if I replace everyone of you? You are all so fucking loyal. Maximo doesn't deserve y'all. He deserves more. Hindi ko inakala na ganito kayo kababa. All this time, Maximo has been fighting for all of you. At ito ang igaganti n'yo sa kan'yang? Times like this are the crucial moments where we should practice our gratefulness, rather than plan on replacing him just because he is in a brink of death."

My hands balled into a tight fist. I can feel my nails digging into the skin of my palm, but I never bid into it. I was so furious to all of them.

"The pirate council understand your intentions, our queen." Memento now looked at me with those penetrating eyes, as if measuring me and judging me with just a single look, "but we have no room to spare for emotions. This is the future of Anarchist Harbor and the Order of the Pirates we are talking." Tumayo siya at naglakad, sinundan naman siya ng tingin ng lahat. He approached me.

Tumigil siya sa likod ng aking silya. I can feel his hands lingering around the backrest of my chair, bahagya akong bumaluktot upang hindi niya ako mahawakan. "We need to ensure its forthcoming. As the pirate council, we are tasked and obliged to do our job, to preserve and maintain the balance of the order, we've lost far too much—the right hand of the king, replaced twice and twice they were snakes, we've lost the former head of this council itself, and we are about to lose the king. I hate to do this, but we must not let our own feelings to get in the way. It's not just about us, it's about the people out there, too." Hinawakan ni Memento ang aking kamay at tinuro ang s'yudad ng Jolly Roger, kitang-kita kasi ito mula sa silid-komers'yo.

Mabilis kong binawi ang aking kamay at sinamahan siya ng tingin. I cannot believe the new head of the pirate council is a big jerk, mas malala pa siya kaysa kay Goliath. Nakaramdam ako ng inis sa kan'yang. Walang iba kung hindi inis. Gusto ko siyang sakalin nang mahigpit hangga't sa hindi na siya makahinga. I Shook the morbid and brutal thoughts away. This isn't the right time for this.

I know everyone are expecting me to answer. To tell them my side, to oppose Memento. Tumayo ako, purposely letting my chair slide back to hit Memento, I slyly smirked after hearing him utter an almost silent humph.

"Those who are in favor of replacing Maximo because he's dying, raise your hands."

Maraming nagtaas ng kamay. Almost half of the room. I looked at them and gave them all a smile. A wicked smile. Tila nagdalawang-isip naman sila dahil sa tingin na binibigay ko, ngunit nanatili ang kanilang kamay sa taas. Let's see. Tignan natin kung mapanindigan ninyo ang inyong disesyon.

"Please get out and never show me your faces again. I'm giving y'all an hour to pack your things and leave the island."

Halos sabay silang lahat ng magbabaan ng kamay. I simpered.

"So, I take this gesture that none of y'all want to replace him?" Walang umimik. "Silence means yes." I grinned devilishly and counted from one to ten. "Well, then, nobody is in favor of replacing Maximo... as you were saying, Memento?" Nilingon ko siya. I can feel his sharp eyes as if piercing through me. Nakita ko ang pagbuntong-hininga niya mula sa telang nagmamaskara sa kalahati ng kan'yang mukha. Naglakad siya pabalik sa kan'yang silya at umupo nang tahimik.

"Now, since Maximo is still sleeping and dreaming," I gave them all a serious look, telling them silently through my eyes that this is already the real business, "I'm in charge. In accordance to the order, I am the second highest in command, there is no right hand, just me. That means you are all under me at this point of time."