Mara - The Lady Grief (Completed)

41 Love and Grief

A/N  Some naughtiness occurring...

2650 B.C.E., City of Tmari-on-the-Euphrates

Winter, Month of Shabatu, One Year and Eleven Months after Mara's Rebirth

Mara

My face is on fire. It's beyond embarrassing. I can't believe I did... all of that. All of the last few moments.

Alnue snickers at me, blowing out his cheeks and chortling to himself.

"It's not that funny," I defend myself... albeit weakly.

I guess it's funny if it happens to someone else. Not so hilarious when I'm the one who became all hot and bothered then nearly ended Thane's ability to lead a normal life with my clumsiness.

I check on Poppy, smiling when I find her sleeping on Ililie's chest. The big Basru gives me a wink and goes back to talking quietly with Nasir. Both males are grinning as they sneak glances at me.

What must I look like?

Inside the barracks I find a mirror that I imagine must be Esa's and see myself. Internally I groan at, but on the surface I simply straighten up my spine and fix my mouth into a thin line.

My hair is mussed, lips swollen and red, my teeth are tiny pinpricks of white against my mouth. A small splash of Thane's blood is staining my robes dark purple. My eyes are bright and healthy, but the most obvious sign of my tryst with the Basru Captain is the blush that is spread all over my cheeks.

I look guilty.

I splash some water on my cheeks, trying to bring down the glow to something more manageable. I can't even tell myself that I was just feeding from Thane. I wanted him. I wanted his hands to find their way under my robes. I wanted to meld our mouths together and kiss him until I ran out of breathe. I wanted to trust him with my body.

I want so badly to trust him. But I'm scared.

I admit that I'm scared.

I'm afraid of my feelings for Thane when Thelios is still under Love's thrall. He... the way he looked at me in the mountains...

Like a predator; possessive, angry, and so very cruel. He was shocked to see me, and for a moment I felt that warmth, but then his warm grey eyes held nothing but cold, jealous rage. What lies has she said to him? Worse, what does he remember?

Does he love Inanji? Was our time together stolen as much as his memories were?

But he's my Fated. And so is Thane.

"What do I do, father?" I muse out loud. Nothing about this is easy. Too much rides on my shoulders.

Go home

I will protect you

Worry and dread strike me hard. Worry for my father, who is stretching himself thin to influence the above. Dread for returning to the broken temple that was my safety for nearly two years.

"Alright," I whisper.

I check on Poppy again. Ililie has fallen asleep. Both of them are drooling as Momo curls up on top of Ililie's legs, asleep, too.

I walk back to the Mausoleum. The world is grey and shadowed as darkness steals over the city. I hear none of the activity of before. War is quiet as everyone settles in for the night.

It is the time of Death. Twilight.

The hedgerow is partially destroyed, but my hole is there. I almost smile when I see it. Father still has his sense of humor, I see.