Emerald Eyes

52 - It's not just that

As I arrived to the hospital, Martijn was already waiting for me in the lobby. I parked my car and went inside. He spotted me and walked towards me with his crutches, slowly but all ready to give me a hug. I let my hand run through his hair and gave him a kiss: "Hey honey, it's so good to see you back on your feet again." "Oh you can't imagine how good it feels not to be pushed around in a wheelchair anymore! I mean, it's annoying that I have to wear this boot...", he pointed to his right foot that was covered in a gigantic boot to make sure it wouldn't move, "But it's so good to be walking again! The doctor said that I still need some rest though, I won't be able to play shows for at least three weeks now. That really sucks." I wrapped him into my arms and said: "You'll be alright, I promise. Sometimes, our bodies just give us signs when it's too much. Your body deserves to rest a little bit. And I'll be there to keep an eye on you so you don't do stupid stuff, alright?" "Accepted.", he answered and gave me a little smile. I then helped him walk over to my car and sit down on the passenger seat, before I went back in to grab his stuff. After that we drove over to Martijn's house. I made sure that he directly laid down in his bed and after I had put his stuff away, I cuddled up under the cozy blanket as well. We spent the whole afternoon watching Netflix and several movies and I only got up to cook some pasta for us. After we had finished the food, Martijn started to get a little restless and I could feel that he was already done with lying in bed the whole day. A few hours into the evening, he started to beg me to let him do something. He didn't care, just anything that would keep him active and busy. I tried to resist him for a while, but soon it was very obvious that he needed it. That way, I agreed to drive him over to the studios, so he could work on some music there and check in with the people from his team. I didn't necessarily want to go there, but to do him a favor, I agreed to stay there with him. Martijn was super happy as we got into the car again and drove to the studios. His crew welcomed with open arms and Martijn was happy to see everyone again, but he soon gestured for me to follow him into one of the studios on the upper floor of the building. It took us a while until we managed to climb up all the stairs together, but we made it with a little bit of effort. Martijn sat down, made sure to rest his ankle on an additional chair and his eyes were glowing as he started up Fruity Loops on his laptop and began to work on some new tunes. I spent a while watching him, he played me some melodies and asked me for my opinion a couple of times. I did enjoy it watching him do his thing and seeing how he got really into it, but it didn't take me too long until I had enough and needed a breath of fresh air. I excused myself and walked over to the balcony on the same floor, which was my personal favorite spot in the whole studio building. The view from up there was amazing, a whole park with a little canal and in the far back, you could see the planes start from Schiphol airport. I pushed open the door and took a few steps out on the balcony, breathing in the fresh air. It had cooled down a little outside and the sunshine was slowly starting to fade away. As I stepped around the corner of the balcony, I suddenly found Julian sitting on the floor, headphones around his neck, a phone in his hands and his gaze wandering off somewhere into the distance. He looked up to me and asked: "Line, hey, what are you doing here?" "Hi Julian.", I answered, "I'm sorry I didn't want to interrupt you or anything. It's just that Martijn is here, locking himself up in one of the studios and I really needed a little break. But I can definitely go somewhere else if you want to..." "No, it's fine.", he said, staring into the distance again. I stayed quiet for a while, looking over to him from time to time. He was just sitting there, not showing the slightest intent to put his headphones on and continue what he must have been doing beforehand. I noticed something sad and exhausted about his gaze, so I decided to ask: "Are you doing okay?" Julian shrugged and answered quietly: "Yeah, I guess." Then he added: "Maybe not really though. I came here to finish a collab that needs to be completed as soon as possible, but I just can't seem to do things right..." "Writers block?", I asked back. "Kind of.", he said and got up, walking over to lean on the handrail next to me, "Sometimes I just have these times where I keep second guessing every single little thing I do. It's horrible to be honest. You do something and a few moments later, it's already not good enough anymore." "Oh, I can imagine how hard that must be, especially if your profession requires you to be creatively on point. Maybe you should go to a different place than this one to find some inspiration?", I suggested. "Yeah maybe, maybe not. The only thing I find that actually helps is shutting off my brain and not think about music for a while. But that is obviously not really an option for me.", he sighed, "But it's not just that...." "So what else is there on your mind?", I carefully asked. Julian's gaze wandered off once more, before he asked: "Can I ask you a question? I need an honest answer to it though. And it might sound kind of weird to you..."