Emerald Eyes

53 - How does it feel?

"Sure, go ahead.", I said and gave Julian a questioning look. "Okay uhm, how do I say this without making it sound too negative...", he started, "Like what I want to say is, I have always wondered how can you possibly keep up a relationship with someone who gets that much public attention, like Martijn or myself for example? Doesn't it drive you nuts after a while?" Now it all made sense to me, he was figuring out whether he could ask Anna out but didn't want her to suffer from the negative side effects of his crazy life as a DJ... "To me the hardest part is that he is away so much. I mean you know yourself how crazy his travelling schedules are. I mean he does try to bring me with him on tour sometimes, but there are still so many weeks and days where he's on the other side of the world and I miss having him home.", I admitted. "I totally get that.", Julian said with a little hint of sadness in his voice, "That must be super hard, it's kind of like a part time long distance relationship, right? And how does it affect you that he has so much public attention?" I nodded my head: "It is. But you know, when I fell in love with him, it wasn't because he is a famous DJ, I didn't even know his music at the time and when he told me about it, I thought he was kidding me. I honestly fell in love with Martijn and not with Martin. But yeah, I guess it all does have an effect on our relationship after all. I feel like it hurts Martijn more than me though. Remember when we posted our first selfie to his instagram? The media picked it up and they wrote the weirdest things about me. Martijn tried for me not to read these headlines, but it was quite obvious that it had hurt him having to read that about me. But I guess that is just something that happens and you shouldn't take it too seriously." "Yeah, you're right about that...", Julian said and added: "Not that I would want to imply that Martijn would be cheating on you or anything like that, but what about jealousy? Have you ever been.... I mean like scared about a situation to happen when he is on tour and you can't do anything about it? Like there are all these prejudices about the music business and I know myself how many opportunities people like him could have to... you know what I'm trying to say... Have you guys ever talked about that?" I shook my head: "No, to be honest that has always been a topic that we have avoided talking about. I'm confident that Martijn wouldn't cheat on me, but you're right, it is kind of scary sometimes to know that he has so many chances to do so. Things like that can be really tempting if a relationship isn't built on stable grounds, I guess." "Hah, that's not surprising to me at all. It has all become so normal to Martijn that he sometimes forgets others aren't as used to it as he is...", Julian mentioned. To be honest, he was actually right. Martijn just had so much experience in the business, that he sometimes didn't even realize how big some things were for others that were a small step for him. I looked at Julian and asked: "So why are you asking me all these questions? Is this... about you and Anna?" Julian hesitated, but finally answered: "How do you know?" "It's quite obvious actually.", I answered and cracked a little smile. "Is it?", he wanted to know. "Yeah well it is. Just watching you both interact.... you can definitely tell that you like her.", I smiled, "So, what is it you're really trying to say?" "I.... I... I'm figuring out whether I want to ask her to be my girlfriend. Ever since we met you two, I can't get her out of my head. We've spent quite some time together now and it just feels really good to be around her, which you can tell I guess. I just... I genuinely don't want her to be hurt by anything that comes with my profession. All the crazy fans, all the traveling, me hiding away in the studio, the public attention... there's just so many negative sides to it that sometimes I really think I shouldn't... I just don't want to be the one breaking her heart, you know?", he stuttered. I tried to give him an encouraging smile: "Maybe you should leave the decision to Anna whether she wants to deal with all these things or not. Don't make that decision for her. But to be honest, you not wanting to break her heart shows how much you care about her. Even if she wasn't my best friend, I'd recommend you not letting such a strong feeling of affection go to waste. If she means something to you, you should give it a chance." "Really? You think so?", he asked, a little shy. "Of course! And if that helps, I do happen to live with her and she literally never stops talking about you.", I smiled. Julian looked up, now a little more confident: "Thank you, Line. I guess I need a little more time to think about it all, but talking to you has definitely helped me feel a bit more confident about it. That really means a lot to me!" "You're welcome, Julian. You have done so much for me, so it's the least I could do for you!", I answered. "So I guess I'll head back in the studio now and put some more work into the track.", Julian said and added: "Let me know if Martijn gets too stuck behind his screens. I'll talk to him!" "Thanks Julian!", I smiled and he went back inside. I stayed for a few more minutes, before I went back in myself. As I entered Martijn's studio, he turned around and asked: "Hey baby, what took you so long?" I sat down next to him, gave him a kiss on the cheek and said: "I went out to get some fresh air on the balcony. Julian was there too and... he asked me for some advice." "Advice?", Martijn wanted to know, "Advice about what?" "He asked me how it feels to be in a relationship with someone who gets as much public attention as you guys.", I answered and watched the expression on his face change.