Wednesday, September 19
This is weird. Today is weird. This moment is weird. Everything feels weird.
I don't understand this. I don't even want to die right now, let alone kill myself. But a few moments ago, I had a kitchen knife in my hand, trying to fight off the impulses to stab and jab myself in the face and chest.
Like, what the fuck?
It's as if these impulses are being sent by someone. My brain's not sending these, impulses, of this I'm sure. Or else I wouldn't have fought off that urge to kill myself brutally.
I'm not sure what's wrong with me. Have I gone crazy? Have I developed that mental illness called multiple-personality disorder or something? Or have I developed schizophrenia? I don't know, I fucking don't know.
But for some reason, I feel extremely sane. Plus, I've never had any symptoms of mental illness... or at least I think I don't. Chris called me paranoid a couple of times and Tobias says I might've anxiety problems. Plus I'm socially awkward, which is why I don't have any other friends except Chris and Tobias. But none of these seem serious enough to be considered as symptoms of mental illness.
Since, I have no past history of mental illness nor any family history, it's highly unlikely that I'd be mentally sick.
But wait. I think I DO have a family history of mental illness.
My dad. He was sick?
So, does this mean I got his genes?
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