The Dreamer

DREAM JOURNAL

Day - 238

Hey, Journal!

How are you? It's been so long since I last talked to you! I've missed you. I've missed you A LOT.

Okay so...

Remember I told you about Austin & how I don't wanna kill him anymore?
*chuckles*
Lol. Well actually, I like him now. A lot. And I know I told you that.
But I haven't told you of the recent developments yet.
I've realized that I probably don't like Austin anymore.
I love him. Just like I loved Nate.
Austin will never take Nate's place in my heart but... He has a place. He has a place now. A different place from Nate's.

Now I have answers to all my questions/queries.

First of all, Austin never meant any harm. He'd been stalking me for I had struck him as a quite different person, an unusual type. Plus the fact that I live alone, almost out in the woods (I mean, very close to them) terrified him, and he was scared that something bad might happen to me. So he decided to check on me every night.
And when he'd see me sleepwalking my way out of the house, he'd get really anxious. But there was nothing he could do.

Secondly, I fell in love with him even before I actually realized it. I loved him from the start, and it was probably love at first sight. This is why I couldn't kill him. Nor could I control him. I was deeply, madly in love with him.
It's fascinating how your own mind can play tricks on you.
And he was in love with me too. That's how he defied my powers.

Last day, he told me at school about a dream that he had a couple months -I mean, last year, which featured me.
It was just him and I. We were the only ones in the dream.
I was dressed like Medusa. He said I was Medusa in his dream. But, I don't like Medusa at all! Well, whatever.

The fun part is that. He said. That I. Frickin. KISSED. HIM!
When he said this, I actually blushed a lot, and everyone noticed. And the blush just wouldn't go away.

Word is out.

He probably wanted to make his dream come true today but...
I had to take a raincheck.
I couldn't kiss him. I can't kiss him. Not now.

I mean, he's gorgeous af, smokin hot, he's got tight abs and everything (he started working out again recently), blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, a Grecian nose, defined chest and collarbones and he's 5'10'' tall. He's everything a girl could dream of.

But looks don't matter to me, to be honest. And that's definitely not why I didn't kiss him.

And he said he was ready to take things to the next level. I know, I know. This might be too soon, too fast but yeah well I trust him. I totally trust him now. He had everything arranged while I was at his place. He even had protections.. though it's not like I needed one.

He even took off his shirt in front of me (how else did I see his tight abs and strong pecs?)

But I turned the offer down.

No, chastity ain't the reason. It's me. It's that monster inside me.
That tries to focus on all the wrong things. Like flaying Austin and then licking him.
I can't do anything now. Not till these thoughts have gone away completely.

I'm still a virgin at 18. I haven't even had my first kiss yet.
If Nate were alive, it'd have been him. If I ever married anyone in my life, it'd have been him.
My life would be so different.
But I wouldn't have babies, though. Even if Austin gets to be my first everything, I still won't have babies with him.
And I can't. Even if I wanted to.

I told Austin about this. He doesn't mind and he said he doesn't like babies either. Perfect.
He's so perfect.
I've found 'the one'.
Though it wasn't because of you, Journal, I'm still gonna thank you. After all, I owe you for everything else.

I don't know what brought us together. Fate? Destiny?
Or is it another dream?
Oh fuck. What the hell am I talking about.

K bye! Take care.