Joonie || NamBTS

12) Cold

Namjoon cried heavily, sitting up and making his way towards his room.

For the first time in a while, everyone had decided to sleep together. And for the first time in a while, namjoon didn't want to be alone. He knew they won't take him inside the nest, or even near themselves after what they thought he did.

His sobs echoed his once bright room. His chest pained as he breathed heavily. It was harsh, really. Nobody deserves to ache like he did. He knew he could handle being hurt. But just because someone can endure it, doesn't mean they deserve to be hurt.

Namjoon didn't know that, obviously. His whole body spasmed as he clenched the sheets, pulling at them harshly while sitting on the floor. He screamed, not caring about his voice anymore.

He was so hurt.

His pain was unexplainable. He couldn't call Jackson. He didn't want to burden him. Also, he didn't want jackson to get a wrong idea about his boy-friends. More like, members.

"J-joonie d-diwgustin'.... E-evybody h-hates j-joonie... J-joonie...taetae... Kookie... Yoonie.. J-jinnie... H-hobi...jiminie... n-no w-wobe J-joonie... No wan J-Joonie...", the little, now completely immersed into subspace, cried softly into his pillow. Not caring about anything.

Even an adult can't bear heartbreak, so imagine what little joonie must have been feeling. After all, he was just a little child. And a child's heart is fragile.

Joonie's innocent little heart couldn't take it. He felt lost. His head swung as he got up from his place, now going towards the door. His feet wobbled as he tried to walk properly.

He held his pastel blue fluffy koya blanket in one hand and the plushy in another.

Getting down from the stairs, Joonie knocked at the room where all the members were asleep. Big namjoon would've never done that. But in his childishness, Joonie did it anyways.

"What?", the one who opened the door was jungkook.

Joonie flinched at the harsh tone.  In his littlespace, he couldn't comprehend most of the things.

"Cowd", he mumbled sleepily. He was scared to sleep alone. That was rare because Namjoon never liked sleeping with anyone when he was a little. Especially when he didn't want anyone to know about his other side.

Jungkook raised an eyebrow at the elder's tone. But without giving much thought to it, he returned back to being cold.

"Then go to your room and sleep. What are you doing here, Namjoon?", he said, ignoring the look in Joonie's eyes.

That seemed to shake something inside Joonie, his mind slowly slipping more into little space. "B-but J-Joonie ish scawed", he said slowly while looking down. The floor suddenly gaining his interest.

Jungkook was baffled. He was annoyed by the way namjoon was talking. And before he could control himself, he snapped. "So, what? And why are you talking like that? You aren't cute at all like this and I hope you know that. This fakeness is gonna take you nowhere so just fuck off", he said calmly in a really stern tone. He didn't sound angry at all. But his words and eyes told otherwise.

Joonie's eyes turned glassy as he heard all the insults. He choked back on a sob. His heart was hurting so bad. But Jungkook, he didn't seem to care.

"Jungkook, just let him in. It's okay", hoseok's voice came from beside jungkook and he gasped seeing the elder beside him.

"No, hyung. We can't do that. You know how Jin is and besides that, don't forget that he's a cheater. A slu-", "Jungkook, stop it. I don't wanna hear a word. And whatever he did, doesn't mean we aren't humans. For the sake of humanity, let him in", hoseok cut off jungkook sternly.

"I'll call Jin Hyung. Ask him", jungkook said, gritting his teeth at namjoon who scowled back in fear.

"It's okay, namjoon. You ca-","You can't come in. I'm sorry", Jin cut hoseok off as he kept his hand on his shoulder. Asking him to stay inside. Hoseok looked at the now shivering man with pity and sadly nodded before going inside. Jin was their pack leader so he couldn't deny him. He was helpless.

"B-but H-hobi...", Joonie cut himself off with a quite sniffle. He felt so broken. He thought nobody wanted him. He wasn't needed.

Seokjin looked at him with pity. His own eyes turned glassy with guilt and pain as he looked at the younger shivering and crying. But he had some dignity. He couldn't just let someone in their private room when his boy-friends weren't comfortable with it.

"I'm sorry. But I'm afraid I can't let you in. My boyfriends aren't comfortable with you being in the same room with us. I hope you understand that", jin said. His own words hurting his heart. His voice was wavering but he tried sounding stern. Of course, he was the one who was most affected by whatever happened with namjoon. After all, he was the first one jin fell for. And knowing that he cheated on them, pierced his heart into millions of pieces.

He gave the younger, one last look and closed the door behind him, letting his tears finally fall.

Joonie nodded absent mindedly. Not noticing that Jin was already gone. Thus, when he looked up, he was horrified to see the door closed.

"J-Jinnie... Joonie s-s-sowwy... Pwease n-no w-weave j-joonie awone... J-joonie scawed... H-hobi.. K-kookie.. Pwease.. J-joonie wobe chu... J-joonie cowd.. Pw-pwease... S-sowwy..", he cried. His sobs heart wrenching. Too bad all the rooms were soundproof.

The little stumbled on his knees onto the floor. And sobbed. It was too much. Everything was going blur. His vision hazy. He couldn't see anything. He clawed at his neck. He couldn't breathe. He felt suffocated. "Pwease... J-joonie wobe..", with that he curled onto the floor as everything turned black and it felt like he stopped breathing. His own tears covered him.

This was the day. The day when his wings were crushed. His heart was broken. His soul wanting to leave.

Leave his fragile anatomy in the selfish crumbling cold.