Joonie || NamBTS

18) I don't need you

"Mom, I-I'm okay, don't- don't worry about me", namjoon said softly to his mom.

"Namjoonie, what happened? You know you can tell me", his mother says from the other side of the phone, obviously worried for her son. Namjoon can imagine her biting her lips, her brows creased together.

He smiled softly. At least there was someone other than Jackson who cared about him. He lifts his hand and stares at his bloody palm, a tear slipping his eye. "Nothing happened, Mama. You're just stressing yourself over nothing", he pressed. His mother didn't need to worry over someone as worthless as him.

He heard his mother sigh, and he knew he won. The smile that graced his lips was pathetic, pitiful. "Take care, Joon. We love you", she said finally, hanging up the call. "Yeah, I love you two, too", he replied after the line went dead. A sob wrenched him as soon as the beep sound was heard, the phone fell onto the carpet with a soft thud. Fisting his bloody hands in his hair, he fell onto the bathroom floor, looking at his now scratched phone.

He missed her. She was the one who namjoon knew, actually and truly cared for him. She supported him all throughout his career. Even when he started at nothing. If she wanted, she could've denied him to join the industry and namjoon would've followed. But she didn't. Even though she didn't like the idea of him doing music instead of focusing on studies, she supported him. Because she loved him. And namjoon couldn't handle that.

He couldn't believe what he was going to do, to himself, to his parents, to Jackson. He realized that even if he was hurting, even if he wanted to get rid of himself, his pain, he couldn't be so selfish and inflict pain on people who did care. He cried on the floor. His body curling itself into a scared, shivering, red mould.

It was terrifying. The thought of not being able to pick his mother's call because he would've been dead was absolutely terrifying. Just a couple minutes more, and he would've never seen the world again. His body was covered in red liquid. Blood. It disgusted him. Being so drenched in blood and water that he couldn't even realize if it was really blood at all.

Standing under the shower, he cleansed himself. Brushing off the crimson liquid off of his extra lean figure. It was shameful, really. It was absolutely shameful how he wanted to go back into the water and never come back again. After washing himself up, he drained the water from the tub, his nose scrunched up because of the overwhelming smell of iron.

After coming out of the bathroom, he moved to sit down on the bed with his
Laptop and opened the bird app. Well, nothing serious. He just wanted to relive his self-deprecating thoughts.

He checked his direct messages. Of course, he wasn't gonna reply to any of them but it was just for consoling himself that there were still people who loved him and cared for him. As much as he didn't believe them, it was nice to feel a bit better about himself.

He scrolled through his mentions. Smiling at whatever small parts he could read.

Namjoonie is so cute. I just...

OMG look at RM, god, he's so hot...

Baby, lemme hug you....

I want Namjoonie. If you're reading...

A week more, and you're out...

Joonie, I love you...

Namjoon stopped and quickly scrolled up. He was mortified when he finally opened the message.

A week more, and you're out, Namjoonie. You don't have to worry at all. No one will come between you and seokjin oppa. Not Jimin. Not anyone.

Namjoon screamed, his fingers shaking as he moved back from the laptop. He was scared. Jimin, his sweet and beautiful Jimin, he couldn't lose him. It couldn't happen.

"Namjoon hyung, what happened?!", he heard Jimin shout as the younger made his way towards him. Namjoon sobbed into Jimin's chest, not caring about their disputes. "Shh... What happened? Hyung?", Jimin asked, patting the elder's head and rubbing his back in triangles because circles are way too overrated.

"J-jiminie, you're okay", namjoon held Jimin's face, looking directly into his eyes and making the younger flush. Namjoon frantically searched his face for any possible injuries and sighed when he found none. His tears still continued flowing, though. So Jimib hugged him close, shushing him and lulling him into a comfortable mindset.

"I'm okay, joonie hyung. I'm perfectly fine", he said and rested his chin on Namjoon's hair, it was soft as ever. And when he smelled Namjoon's shampoo, he lost it. Tears gushed his eyes as it struck him just how much he had missed the omega. He closed his eyes to stop them from flowing but they still fell, drenching some of Namjoon's locks. Namjoon frowned and looked up, asking, "Jiminie, why are you crying? Is it something I did? I'm s-", namjoon was cut off by jimin suddenly pushing their lips together.

He wanted to refuse, to retaliate. But he found himself melting into Jimin's plush lips. They kissed hungrily. Though there wasn't a sign of lust. It was just need, want. How much they missed each other, how much they want each other. The kiss conveyed every emotion thet felt.

When they parted, both of their lips were swollen red and connected with a string of saliva.

They looked at each other's eyes and namjoon was caught up in a daze. He was leaning in for a kiss again before Jimin said something that made him think that it was all unreal.

"I love you, hyung".

"No! You don't! No one does!", namjoon shouted and Jimin was stunned. "Na-","Stop! Get out!",namjoon cut Jimin off and pushed him out of the door, quite harshly as Jimin stumbled out of the door. His eyes filled with large tears again as namjoon shut the door infront of his face. He wanted to help him but he didn't know how.

And not even five minutes later, yoongi was outside Namjoon's door. Practically begging him to open the door. After the small incident, Jimin had called yoongi, the only other member present in the house beside them, to help him with namjoon.

"Namjoonie, I'm sorry. We're sorry. Please, open the door. We're worried. Please?", yoongi bit his lip when there was no answer from the inside. He knocked at the door for sometime because he knew how much it irritated their leader. He just hoped namjoon was fine.

"Namjoon, please". The next words from namjoon were... harsh. And yoongi and Jimin felt like they died a bit inside because it was true.

"I don't need you!"