Joonie || NamBTS

15) Bitter bliss

Jackson woke up as he looked at the boy in his arms. He smiled sadly and kissed his temple. Namjoon was a really good guy. He didn't deserve this. Jackson knew this.

He had been his best friend for so long now, that he knew everything about him. His ups and downs. His family. His friends. His brothers. And his fans.

Speaking of whom, his fans, more specifically, Army, were the bestest fandom in more ways than one. They were sweet, kind, caring, loving, did charities, projects, defended bts and fellow armys, and supported bts in every aspect.

However, it was no secret that every good had something bad in it. Some things about some particular 'Armys' were kinda peculiar to him.

As Taehyung had said, a real army should love all seven of the members.
And as much as Jackson hated to admit it, he knew Namjoon wasn't always treated equally.

There were times where Jackson, as Namjoon's best friend and also as a fellow celebrity, felt really bad for the boy.

It seemed like some people calling themselves Army, didn't really care about him.

He knew that Namjoon's solo had lesser views than other members. He knew that it's just most of the Namjoon biased armys who tend to go all out for him. He knew that they asked for other members in Namjoon's vlive comments. He wanted to believe that his best friend was loved equally, but he knew it wasn't true. Just another lie.

He wondered why Namjoon's fancams never went viral or didn't have more amount of views. He wondered why people got mad and dissapointed when namjoon talked about 'same love'. He wondered why people labeled taehyung as their 'gay icon' for wearing a rainbow shirt while they were disappointed in namjoon for saying, "love is just the same". Like come on, yoongi and namjoon literally said the same damn thing! No one ever said a word even when namjoon was the number one recommender of gay/lesbian books, films, music while talking about the strong message it sent. It wasn't a secret that he purposely wrote non-binary lyrics, talked about love, not just between men and women. And suddenly they're dissapointed? Jackson had to clap for that.

He wondered why he never saw, #Namjoon_You'rePerfect or something like that, trending on twitter. He wondered why everyone got hyped when other members did something but the reaction wasn't the same when the person doing the same thing was namjoon.

He wondered why everyone nnoticed other members being heartbroken during the last MAMA, while not a single person noticed namjoon standing at the back, as his lips trembled and his fists clenched. No one noticed how he didn't say a word, maybe because he knew that if he says something, he'll break down. He wondered why no one thought about the fact that namjoon was so shocked when the fans were screaming the loudest for him, that he almost cried. He wondered how many hearts broke that day.

Namjoon was the most humble human, Jackson had ever known. Yet, no one seemed to care about his hardships. He didn't see people talking about how namjoon used to wear glasses all the time, used to hang his head low, just because he was insecure that people would judge him. No one cared about his struggles as a leader. No one thought how many times namjoon may have had to translate hate comments wrongly so that his members don't get hurt. No, no one cared. He hadn't seen Namjoon moments go viral when the other members weren't in it. He hadn't seen more than one or two people supporting him, when their users or profile pictures weren't something namjoon-related.

Tweets by him got millions of likes but Jackson couldn't say the same for tweets about him. As cruel as it sounded, Jackson had to admit it. Admit, that it was like, Namjoon's just an option when other members aren't there. That he was invisible when for some people when he was around his lovers.