Joonie || NamBTS

13) Pleasure or Pain?

Jimin was the first one to wake up. He rubbed his eyes, slowly easing himself out of Jungkook's strong grasp. He smiled and kissed the boy's cheek who only groaned lightly. Jimin turned to his other side where Jin was sleeping with yoongi having an arm around him. He nuzzled into the elder's chest, inhaling his comforting scent. After a minute or so, he got up.

He rubbed at his eyes and opened the door. He yelped when his leg touched something. He switched on the lights and gasped when he saw what it was, or rather, who it was. Namjoon.

His eyes watered when he saw that the elder was shivering even with the blanket on top. His eyes were closed and his breathing was ragged. It was clear that he was not well. His whimpers were soft but audible. Jimin slowly crouched down, his hand shivered as he moved it to touch his ex. "Namjoon hyung...", he called out.

As soon as Jimin touched Namjoon's forehead, he flinched. It was burning! Tears made their way down Jimin's cheeks as he saw the elder's condition.
Yeah, he hated him for what he did. But there was still humanity in him. And maybe a bit of... Love?

"Hyung... Get up. You're burning up", he said slowly. He shook namjoon slightly, earning a whimper from him. "J-jiminie...", namjoon mumbled. He sat up on the floor, and looked at the smaller boy with confusion.

"You have a fever", Jimin said slowly. His eyebrows were furrowed as he was worried about Namjoon's condition. "Come on. I'll get you to your room", he said, standing back up.

Namjoon nodded and helped himself up with the help of Jimin. His whole body ached from the soreness. He sneezed softly. He was too busy to grasp the fact that Jimin was actually helping him.
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Namjoon was on the bed with a cold wet towel on his forehead. Jimin had taken care of his needs when he was there. But as soon as he got all the things for namjoon, he left. Namjoon was thankful for him.

But he didn't want himself to get well. He wanted to get it all over with. To just give up.

He slowly got up from the bed. And removed the towel from his forehead. He kept it on the table and then locked the door. After all, he wanted no one to know about his dark side.

He entered the bathroom. He opened the drawer where he kept his blade. And there it was, in his hands, shining with all its glory. People might think he was mad. But namjoon could tell, the only thing that distracted his mind from the pain was his blade.

He stood in front of the mirror. For the first time, he didn't care that he would have to cover his scars later. He knew no one cared. So hiding was out of the point.

He moved the blade near his collarbone, where they had touched him, kissed him, so many times. He slowly dragged it over the beautiful skin as it slashed to pour out beautiful crimson. His face scrunched with pain as he did it again, over the same cut.

Yes, that's right. You're beautiful like this.

That voice. He heard it again. Suddenly, fear engulfed him but he smiled. It didn't quite reach his eyes. Speaking of which, his eyes, his once beautiful hazel orbs were now black. They were blank with nothingness, pain and suffering.

You're quite thin, too. You haven't been eating and that has done magic to your body. They'll love you.

The voice spoke again and namjoon couldn't help himself as he chuckled darkly. There was no sense of humour in his laugh. He didn't even know what the voice was talking about. He didn't know what it meant by they.

He moved the blade down. All the way down to his ankle, the area was still swollen from that day's injury. He smiled, an evil glint appeared in his eyes. Before his subconsciousness could stop him, he slashed at the skin and screamed in agony. His hand stopped moving and the blade fell down with an almost inaudible clank. He looked at the blood falling out. It was awfully peaceful.

After regaining his composure from the pain, he grabbed the sharp material again. He stashed it everywhere. His thighs, his wrists, his arms and even his stomach. There wasn't a place left without red in it.
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Namjoon got down the stairs to go to the studio. He looked absolutely horrible. His eyes were blank with dark patches underneath. He quickly walked passed all of the members sitting in the living room.

"Hyung-","I'll go", taehyung cut Jimin off who was hesitant but nodded, nonetheless.

Taehyung followed namjoon outside and as they reached the hall, he grabbed the elder's wrist and cornered him onto a wall.

Namjoon felt taehyung's hot breath all over his face. He blushed as their faces were just inches apart. Taehyung smiled and namjoon was gone.

But that smile soon changed into a smirk and namjoon tried smiling but failed miserably. "T-tae-","Shut up, slut. Don't take my name from that filthy mouth of yours. We loved you so much. I loved you more than my own self! And you", taehyung chuckled. "And you're whoring around with Jackson", he insulted.

Namjoon shook his head. And as soon as he did that, taehyung spitted on him. Namjoon wiped the spit from his cheek and looked at taehyung with teary eyes. His lower lip was wobbling.

Taehyung leaned forward and joined their lips together roughly. Namjoon struggled to set free as he was pressed against the wall. Taehyung had one hand around namjoon's waist in an anchor grip. His other hand went under Namjoon's shirt and he squeezed one of his nipples. Namjoon moaned and cried out in pleasure and pain. Taehyung separated their kiss and twisted his nipple again. Namjoon choked on a sob. "Does he make you feel good? Huh, slut? Can he pleasure you like I do?", taehyung asked in fury. Namjoon shook his head furiously as more tears escaped his eyes.

Taehyung pressed to namjoon and grinded his hips on his. Namjoon moaned while begging tae to stop. Taehyung lifted Namjoon's shirt as he kissed him again. He took Namjoon's hardened buds in both of his hands and twisted them roughly, ignoring Namjoon's pleas. He scraped and scratched on them, not caring about anything else.

After separating for air, he put his hand on Namjoon's mouth and then continued abusing his red buds with his mouth. Sucking and licking on them, while he ignored how Namjoon stopped making any noise.

Suddenly, there was a hand on his collar and as soon as he looked up, he was met by a harsh slap on his right cheek.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing!?", Hoseok shouted. "Can't you see, he doesn't want it!", he screamed and quickly sorted Namjoon's shirt down. Namjoon got up suddenly and ran out of there while tears streamed down his face.

Taehyung went down towards hobi who was a crying mess. He hugged the elder tightly and didn't let go even when hoseok tried pushing him.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!"