Rarijack 1: The straight girl.

Anxiety

Author: I recommend starting the song when Apple Jack goes to study and TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter does explicitly depict mental health disorders.
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AppleJack's POV: I have no words. I have no idea why I danced the whole way home. Yet, I have everything. I feel like for the first time I understand the lyrics of love songs, and they're all about you Rarity, everything's all about you now.

I enter the kitchen to see my sister sitting at the table looking at me, expectantly.
"Someone's late." She says. "And someone looks weirdly happy, what's going on?"
"It doesn't concern you." I reply, my smile widening, as I recall the events of the day.

I head to my room, to study. It's our junior
year and the exams determining whether we get into college are soon. It doesn't really matter to me how I do. I mean I've always been pretty smart and gotten straight A's but I'm not going to college because i'll just be taking over the apple farm with Big Mac. Besides I'm not sure we could afford for me to go anyway.

But it's different for Rarity. She's got great things ahead of her, fashion school I reckon. They'd be crazy not to want her. I know it's only been a day, but I'm wondering if I'm good enough for her. She's beautiful, intelligent, funny and incredible. She doesn't need me. I'm just holding her back. It seems stupid that I'm worrying about someone I've only just started dating but I really like her. I don't want to lose her. She'll probably meet some prince charming that sweeps her off her feet and I'll never see her again.

Why would anyone want me. I'm worthless. She doesn't deserve this. She deserves someone who can take care of her. Somebody beautiful of her. And I wouldn't want to stop her from leaving even if I could, because all I want is for her to be happy. Even if it means I can't be.

I feel the tears start to stream down my face. I see myself in the mirror and for some reason I don't look sad, I look FUCKING ANGRY. I'm enraged because every time I have something good, every time I'm even close to happy, my depression and anxiety sneak up on me and pull me back under the roaring ocean of constant despair. I fall onto my knees and open my mouth to scream but nothing comes out and eventually I just flop down onto the floor and stay there, completely still, until I've cried myself to sleep.
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Author's note: Please remember that mental health disorders look different for everyone, this is just sometimes how they feel in my experience, and if you're feeling like this, you should seek help and guidance. Stay safe xoxo