Resilience | Sweet Pea.

46 - 'Alex', Glendale, and a discovery.

After waking in a cold sweat, my breathing heavy and my heart aching, fear presses against my throat as I look into the darkness around me, and roll to the side, sobbing into my pillow. At least in a dream, no matter how awful and terrifying it is, it's nothing like the cold, hard reality of life. The saddest part of it is, though, that eventually even the memory of your dream will fade, just like the memory of me in Riverdale.

Waking up can be really fucking horrible, especially if your dreams are better than reality. Aside from the few nights where I've dreamed about being back in Riverdale, being with my family and friends and Sweet pea, I've had nightmares of that horrific night every night in the week and a half I've been here, tonight has been no different.

I wipe my eyes, and check the time on my phone screen, 4.23am. Not again... This has begun to become a normal occurrence, matched with the sinking in my chest. I switch on the lamp on my bedside table, wondering if it's worth trying to sleep again when I spot the pack of cigarettes sat on my dresser. I know I shouldn't have brought them, or be smoking, but nothing feels like it matters anymore, not my health, not my life, I would've just preferred to stay in Riverdale, and meet my end then be stuck in this lonely hell hole.

I get out of bed, not bothering to put on a jacket over my track pants and singlet as I grab the packet and lighter, and head for my front door, I sit down on my doorstep, leaning against my door. As I put the cigarette in my mouth and light it, I feel a flood of emotion hit me like a ton of bricks, tears involuntarily stream down my face as I drag on the stick of death.

I let out multiple sobs as I release multiple amounts of smoke out of my lungs. I watch the world around me, a few cars pass, probably early workers or people escaping acts of adultery and a man, running, who starts to slow down when he sees me.

"Hey, I don't think you're gonna find who you're looking for, no one lives there." The guy calls, walking over to me, he's pretty, short dark brown hair, decently buff, he looks oddly familiar for some reason, maybe I've seen him before in passing?

"I'm not looking for anyone." I inform him, taking another drag. "I live here."

"Oh? Really? I didn't realise someone moved- hey, wait, are you alright?" He asks, I still can't shake this feeling of familiarity, even his voice sounds familiar.

"I'm fine, just a rough night." I lie, well, not really lie, but does it count as a rough night if every night sucks?

"Sorry to hear that." He sighs, a genuine tone to his voice. "Aren't you cold?"

"I've survived worse than a bit of cold." I tell him, wiping my eyes. "Why are you running at 4am?"

"I don't like people seeing me run. Weird, I know, but my mom suggest running before sunrise a few years ago, thought I'd try it." He explains.

"How's that working out for you?" I ask.

"I'll let you know, this is the first time I've tried it." He says.

"You could always do it after sunset, that's what I used to do when I was on the Cross-Country team in high school." I say.

"Huh, maybe." He chuckles. "I'm Roman, by the way. My brother and I live next door."

"Nice to meet you, I'm No- Alex." I say, my heart skipping a beat the use of my 'new name'.

"Nice to meet you Alex, when did you move in?" He asks.

"About a week ago, I kept it pretty quiet, honestly." I say, putting out the small reminisce of my cigarette, and tossing it into my little ashtray.

"Definitely quiet. No one's lived there since we moved in 2 years ago." Roman tells me.

"Well, now you know I'm here." I say, getting up, ready for this conversation to end.