Resilience | Sweet Pea.

49 - Mystery Unearthed

"What?" I ask, my brain not registering the information.

"I'm sorry, Alex, you've had a first-trimester miscarriage." The doctor informs me.

"What... Why?" I ask.

"It was probably a mix of a lot of things, your friends here tell me you've been complaining of some pain for a while?" He asks, I nod.

"About a week." I tell him.

"What happened before you were brought into the hospital?" He asks.

"I was having a panic attack." I say.

"Alex, have you suffered any trauma recently?" The doctors asks, I bite my lip as I look over to Sid and Roman, who literally can't know what happened to me.

"I uh... Yeah." I say. "A lot, I guess."

"Can you tell me what happened?" He asks.

"No." I say bluntly.

"That's okay if you don't want to talk about it, but pregnant woman who have suffered physical trauma or severe injury, as well as possibly severe emotion shock and stress often miscarry." He says.

"All of those apply." I say, causing signs of distress from the boys. "I was also drugged during this time, hence the horse tranquilizer and jingle jangle on some of my blood tests, and when I moved here I started smoking as well as regular anxiety attacks and or panic attacks."

"I suspect from all of that you've got some post traumatic stress from these events?" The doctor asks.

"I'd be shocked if I didn't." I sigh.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Dr Edwards sympathizes

"So... My baby's just... Gone?" I ask sadly.

"Unfortunately, yes. I'm required to give you a referral to a therapist-"

"Trust me, doc. A miscarriage is the last thing I need to be in therapy for. If I feel like I need to talk to someone, I will." I say.

"I still have to give you all the forms." He tells me. I nod. "I'll give you a minute."

The doctor leaves the room, leaving me alone with my two confused and concerned friends.

"Before you ask, I can't-"

"You can't tell us. Just like everything else." Sid snaps, ripping his hand away.

"Sid please don't be like that." I sigh.

"C'mon, dude. It's not the time to be doing this." Roman defends me.

"You expect us to trust you, Alex. But you don't give us anything to trust." Sid says.

"Sid-"

"We open our lives to you, Alex, and you shut us out, how is that fair?" He grumbles.

"Sid stop being an asshole!" Roman snaps.

"I have reasons I can't tell you! It's literally for everyone's safety." I yell at him, my voice burning in my throat and tears welling in my eyes. "I don't like being secretive, Sid. I hate it. But the last 6 months have been hell for me, don't you think I'd love to talk about it with people I trust guiltfree? Telling you is potentially putting you in a grave and I will NOT do that to either of you."

Sid looks down at me.

"I didn't know. I'm sorry-"

"You're meant to be my friend, Sid, but here I am laying in a hospital bed, having just lost the baby of the love of my life, having to re-live old traumas that ruined my life and I'm getting lectured about my level of admittance?" I snap at him.