𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙏𝙤 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙣 - 𝙎𝙖𝙝𝙮𝙤

𝙰𝚖 𝙸 𝚊𝚏𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚛 𝚑𝚞𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐?

Jihyo's POV

I felt like the worst person on earth. I broke her heart and broke mine too. Why do I always fuck shit up?

I hissed as Nayeon applied ice on my bruised arm. Not gonna lie, Sana hurt me pretty bad, but it was nothing compared to what I did to her. I wonder how is she coping with all this.

"I'm going to fuck that jerk up the next time I see her. Not even joking" Nayeon said between teeth.

"ani ani" I said, "it's my fault, I was too harsh on her"

"Still, it's not an excuse to hurt you physically" Nayeon pressed the ice harder and I hissed again.

"Unnie, what am I going to do? I can't go back there, I don't want to see her" I said throwing my head back as we sat on the couch.

"For now, just get some rest" she said and kissed my forehead "Gotta run, Jeongyeon's waiting for me" she smirked

"Yuck, have fun I guess" I gagged

"Oh, I will. There's food on the fridge" She said laughing and closing the door of her house.

As soon the door closed shut, silence invaded the whole place. My smile instantly faded. I suddenly felt so small. I was no longer controlling my feelings, they were controlling me and this fight against them is making me lose myself.

I know it was a mistake getting her hopes up. Even mine. But why do I feel this ache in my heart? Why do I miss her so much? To this point, crying is useless. I feel exhausted after all those tears I already got out.

I decided to stop feeling pity for myself and go to sleep. Good thing vacations are near as I don't want to keep missing classes but I don't want to face Sana either.

_________________________________

"Fucking hell" I cursed as my phone rang in the morning, it was around 9:00 am.

"What?" I answered the call not even bothering to look at the name.

"Jeez, good morning to you too" The voice on the other line said

"Momo? Oh, sorry, you woke me up" I mentally cursed myself for answering, I didn't anything to do with Sana. I knew she was the reason Momo was calling me.

"Sorry about that. Can we go out today?"

"I'm sorry Momo, today I-"

"Please?"

I let out a deep sigh and rubbed my eyes with my free hand. Maybe it was a good idea, I should let her know I was cutting all possible connections with Sana.

"Fine, sure. Just the two of us?" I finally said

"Yes! Just the two of us. Thank you. See you at the usual at 12:00?" She asked

"See you there" I said and ended the call, groaning as I threw my phone in the other side of bed.

When Sana was at the hospital, Momo, Dahyun and me would hang out and go to this little restaurant near our apartment. That's what she meant by the usual. I hated going back there, memories are all over the place. But I have to stand by my decision.

When I said I would stay away from Sana, I meant it.

I got up to take a shower. Just when I was about to get into the water, I saw myself at the mirror. This was becoming a routine now. Looking at myself with disgust in the mirror. My fingers wandering through scars, bruises. Every single one of them was linked to a bad memory, which just made me hate my body even more. Why am I so miserable?