Gorgeous (Editing)

chapter 1.

"Alli, get your ass downstairs! We're leaving in two minutes, and I'm not waiting any longer!" That's my best friend Jade, and does actually love me, believe it or not. She hates being late, which I'm aware of, but I can't help the slow start. I'm always taking my time for everything I do, to make it better. She's being shady, because most of the time she isn't on time at all.

Jade and I've been living together for almost a year now, and I am not planning on moving anytime soon. We're like sisters, maybe even closer. We fight like sisters, which makes us closer. Jade has been my best friend for as long as I can remember, which might be not that long, since I've a short term memory, but I can promise you we've been friends for a very long time. She's like a sister, and I would do anything for her, even if she's a pain in the ass. Before my life turned upside down, I used to tell her anything, but I've changed. The situation has changed. Our friendship has changed. I trust her with my darkest secrets, and  I would give my life up for her, but something changed me. It changed the old Allison. I never had a real sister, but Jade has always been there for me, like the sister I would wish for on my lonely days. My mother and dad couldn't offer me siblings, but I found one on my own.

Jade has always been good at keeping secrets, especially mine. There are some situations I prefer not to talk about, because it changed me as a person, even as a friend. Talking is difficult, but talking to her about it seems impossible. I just don't want her to feel like I'm pathetic and helpless.  My mother always told me, 'Sweetheart, one day you'll have to speak up, that person could be your closest friend,' and she was right. If I gained the balls to speak up I would speak up, but maybe after all these years I still haven't gained my balls. Maybe I never will.

We talked about my past, and we talked about the hard parts, but I couldn't tell her or anyone about my darkest days. She knows about him, and she knows how he handled stuff. Me being the stuff, but some parts are just too painful to talk about. She knew this wasn't her fault, and she never forced me to talk about it with her. Hiding the truth from her wouldn't change a thing, and it wasn't because I didn't trust her. It's just too difficult. She would actually listen to me, and she would try to help me, but there is no hope for me anymore. That much I know. After him there wasn't much hurt anymore, because the moment I felt him was the moment the pain left my body. When the weeks flew by the flinching started to disappear more and more.

"Alli, we should go!" Jade calls out for the second time. She interrupts my thoughts, thank god. My therapist said being outside will do good, well Ms. Sutter you're so goddamn wrong. Being outside won't fix everything, but she's highly conviced by that. Being out of the house does do me good most of the time, but it won't fix what's already broken. I don't have the need to speak to strangers, but she won't get that, because that's literally her job. Exiting the house always feels like being hunted by the voices of people looking and judging. Before him I used to love going outside, I used to be... confident. Being outside the house makes me feel locked in. Isn't that funny? Being outside makes me feel trapped, while being inside makes me feel safe and secure. I never thought anything could make me feel this anxious and broken. Little did I know that I couldn't blame anyone but me, or that's what I did over the last years. I blamed myself for what happened, because I could've stopped it from going further.

"I am ready, and I'm sorry it took this long." Anxiety kicks in, and I start swiping my shorts. She looks at my hands and grabs them. This was the reassurance I needed. She didn't push me to talk about it, she didn't push me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. Tonight we're visiting a home game, and I'm not going to let my problematic past ruin everything. I just want it to be great, like the old times. The good old times.

Jade knows how to rock an outfit, because she does it all the time. She loves showing off, especially when there were guys she liked watching. I used to be a little jealous about her looks, because she's absolutely gorgeous, but then again, she actually made sure she looked nice all the time. Jade liked this guy Matthew, so she made sure he was looking her way. This guy hasn't put much effort in the relationship train, from what I've heard he's just doing casual. She might not be ready for 'just casual', but it's her own choice and life. Besides that, they are attractes to each others looks, so it might work out for them. Jade was up for the game, until she fell for them.