Stay awake, Agatha (PUBLISHED UNDER PSICOM)

29 : Three words she just cant say

29.

Three words she just can’t say

Agatha

 

Weeks later…

 

Out of pain, I closed my eyes as I walked straight towards the bathroom sink. I threw-up over and over again, wasting the food and medicines I took. I can’t help but to shed a tear realizing that there’s no hope. Nor there will ever be.

I’m getting weaker and weaker as the day goes by. I’m at the point where I couldn’t hardly walk and stand without anyone’s help.

I hate to say this but it’s true, Oo nga’t masaya ako kasi kasama ko ang mga taong nagmamahal sakin pero nahihirapan naman ako kasi sa paglipas ng mga araw, palala ng palala ang sakit na nararamdaman ko sa katawan ko. Every day the pain worsens and I just can’t take it anymore…  Pain relievers nor placebo, they’re no use for me anymore. As selfish as this sounds, all I want to do is sleep. Because whenever I sleep, I can no longer feel the pain.

Doctors say that my Narcolepsy was gone. The experimental drug really worked, but unfortunately, at the expense of my very life.

Actually, nakakatawa kung iisipin. Noon ginusto kong gumaling mula sa narcolepsy kaya ininom ko ang experimental pill. Ngayong wala na akong narcolepsy at may iba na akong pinagdurusahang sakit, ngayon ko naman gustong matulog ng matagal.

“Agatha anong ngini-ngiti mo diyan?” Tanong ni Reema na kanina pa pala ako inaalalayan sa pamamagitan ng paghawak ng buhok ko palayo sa mukha ko.

“Wala Reema. Naalala ko lang yung sinabi mo sakin noon. Tama ka, dapat hindi ko nalang yon ininom kasi ngayon, mas gusto ko pang matulog ng matagal kesa makaramdam ng ganitong sakit.” Ngumiti ako saka tumayo ng maayos at humarap sa kanya.

“Naalala mo pala yon?” Bahagya siyang tumawa pero alam kong pilit lang ito. “Bitch just forget about it okay? And also, I just want to apologize for—“ Tumigil siya sa pagsasalita at napalunok na para bang pinipigilan ang sariling maiyak, “Lalabas muna ako.” Aniya kaya tumango na lamang ako.

I also hate this.

The pretensions,

The fake smiles,

The pitty.

I feel so useless and pathetic. Hindi lang kasi ako ang nasasaktan at nahihirapan, pati rin ang mga magulang, kapatid at mga kaibigan ko. Nakikita ko sa mga mata nila ang lungkot sa tuwing nakatingin sila sakin. Lahat sila naawa sa lagay ko.

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I gasped as the cold water from the faucet touched my face. I stood straight from slouching and faced the mirror above the sink that I’m leaning unto.

My face slowly appeared as I wiped the mist that clouded up my bathroom mirror. I sighed as I saw how pale and thin I was. I no longer look the same anymore. My eyes are no longer the same either, not only they turned deep, my vision also got blurr, sometimes my vision even blocks out as if I became temporarily blind. It’s like my face is deteriorating too.  Its only been weeks after I learned of my impending doom but I can’t help but to feel like time is running out for me.