who are you, my love

Part 2 Chapter 9 ( Diana, you'll be soulmate forever)

I had already woken up in the hospital room, Matthew and Gilbert were sitting next to me, they were sleeping, I didn't want to wake them up so I quietly tried not to moan, I sat on the hospital bed, in the background I heard the voices of Ruby and Marilla. But nowhere was Diana. At first I was a little surprised and nervous. Is she all right? Why isn't she next to me? How's she doing? But I quickly started telling myself that she was definitely okay! And she's not next to me, because she's probably in another room, or she's even already been released from the hospital! I gently slipped the feather off my legs, the wound on my leg, and together with her my whole leg was bandaged with some white fabric, my leg hurt, but what I noticed with relief, I got used to the pain.

I accidentally dropped some feathers on Matthew, who got up confused and looked around the hospital room as if he didn't know what he was doing here. He drove his eyes over the walls and empty beds around until he stopped at me, sighed and smiled at me shyly.

-How are you feeling, Anne?

-Okay, just my leg hurts a little bit. . . - I admitted it quietly - you better tell me Matthew, how you slept?

Matthew laughed at those words and looked at me with compassion. I don't like people looking at me with compassion , I feel like a victim of fate, like a little girl, like. . . an orphan, it hurts me to look at me like that. But Matthew does it differently, I see compassion in his eyes, but not like the rest, I see compassion that gives me encouragement, makes me warm in my heart and completely forgets about the pain.

Suddenly, Gilbert jumped up in his place and almost screamed all over his throat:

-Anne! I'm here all the time and I'm not sleeping. . . - then he fell back on his chair and. . . fell asleep. I couldn't control the laughter, I blew up with such a loud laughter that half the hospital could hear me, I couldn't control the giggle.

At the same time Ruby and Marilla ran into the room, they had such stupid, confused faces that I started laughing even louder (if it's possible to laugh louder than I did before). After a while, right next to my bed there was a doctor and a nurse who came from the office in another hospital wing, hearing my laughter.

After a long time, I finally got myself under control. I must add that during that time, Gilbert slept all the time, which only prevented me from calming down. How can you sleep when someone laughs so loudly?!

The doctor said that there was nothing wrong with the sore, but if we hadn't come the day before yesterday (yes, I slept for two days!), we would have had to amputate my leg! The wound, apparently, heals properly, and after just two weeks I will be able to go home, although I will not be allowed to walk for another month! I asked, of course, what about the school that starts in two weeks'; time! Marilla told me that they'd already rented a wheelchair from somewhere that I could use to move around the school. Fortunately, it's only for a month. After this short conversation, during which time the nurse changed my bandage and drip when I was alone with my friends, Matthew and Marilla started talking.

-How are you feeling, Anne? - This time asked Ruby.

-It's not bad. . . - I said evasive - How do you feel? Two days you sit in a cloakroom and sleep in those hard chairs. . .

-We're fine, the most important thing is that you're feeling better! -Marilla told me, I was saddened that she had all red eyes, she had to stay awake all night, the same as my Ruby, her eyes look almost the same.

-I think you should go home, get some sleep, I'll be fine,- I said, trying to persuade them to take care of themselves.

-Oh, no way! We're not moving from here! Not yet, maybe in two or three days we will start exchanging, for now, as long as we all feel good, we stay! - Marilla decided, and her voice sounded strong, I knew I would not persuade her to change her mind, so I gave up:

-ahh. . . . all right! Now tell me what's up with Diana - I said, wanting to change the subject and find out how my soul mate is doing - how is she? And where is she, anyway?

I noticed with fear that everyone looked away from me, except of course Gilbert, who was sleeping all the time, why didn't they want to tell me where my sister was? Did she turn out to be seriously ill? Did she go somewhere? WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?

-Where's Diana?! What happened to her?! - I whispered terrified, a few tears were flowing down my cheek - answer me!

Come on, silence. Nobody says anything. Nobody's looking at me. Everyone's stuck their eyes on the floor. The silence in the room was a threat to me. Why don't they say anything. . . ? Diana. . .

-Tell me. . . please. . . Matthew. . . -he only got his eyes on the floor harder=. . . Marilla? Ruby?

-Anne. . . - Ruby spoke in a very quiet whisper - my Anne. . . Diana. . . she. . . she. . . she. . . she's sick. . . very sick. . . Anne. . . .

-Tell me! -I screamed when I didn't want to. . .

-Anne. . . Diana has cancer, -Marilla whispered, not being able to watch me get tired of not answering.

All my world, my Diana. What do you mean. . . ? How is it possible. . . Why is Diana, so good what I say, the best girl in the world. . . Why is she. . . Diana. . . my sister, my best friend, my soul mate, my world. . . ? Why, someone who always wants to help others who don't care about their own good, now. . . now. . . dies. . . Why her?! Why not me?! I'm much more deserving of such a fate. God, take my life, and spare her the suffering. . . Please.

My despair, my palpable inner suffering lasted a long time. . . Nobody even let me see my sister. . . Everything now went together. . . This uncontrolled loss of weight, which so pleased Diana, weakness, tiredness, sleep problems, dyspnea, chronic fever, night sweats, morning vomiting, disorders of consciousness. She lived through all this right next to me, and I didn't notice anything, nothing. What am I like, friends?! Cocksucker. How could I let that happen? I couldn't help noticing. How could I?! This is all my fault, I should've noticed something was happening! It's my fault. It's my fault!!!

If. . . if Diana. . . if Diana. . . if Diana dies. . . I swear on everything I love, I will die with her, we are connected by souls. I'll be with her till the end.

Diana, you'll be my soulmate forever!

*

Days pass slowly, every day looks the same. I'm slowly getting used to the fact that Diana's sick. The doctor explained to me that the cancer is in a very early stage of development. And it looks like Diana's gonna be okay.

Gilbert sits on my bed all day long, telling me everything that happens in Avonlea, where he returns in the evenings. I could even meet Diana! And as if she wasn't sick, she kept making me laugh, I couldn't stop crying! How, you can stand face to face with illness all the time laughing and comforting others! She's amazing, strong, beautiful, persistent, smart, mine. I come to her in the evenings when Gilbert and Moody go home. Moody's amazing! Diana told me that it's because of him that she's still hanging on and feels so good. They're in love with each other like never before. I'll be home soon, then school. . .

Diana will not go to school for at least the first month, she will study at the hospital, at home. Once she returns home for good, she will only occasionally ride on control to the hospital and possibly chemotherapy. She already got one chemistry, and her hair started to fall out. But that didn't take away her beauty at all! She's so beautiful. I love her.