A GIRL LIKE YOU

32

"That's a million dollar question." I chuckled nervously.
Ansh pulled me closer against his side and waited patiently. And I did the inevitable word vomit.
"I was always a trouble maker. I was always doing something. Always creating mess. Calling trouble. Like from the childhood, I was always fighting the bullies for my friends, I always got beaten up which made everybody upset. I was like a walking hurricane. I would mess up the room, I would break the toys, I would punch the mean girl in the class." Ansh and I both smiled at that.
"It was always like that. I was always getting grounded at home for one thing or another. Mom was strict. She was a working women and my tantrums would stress her more. So she would often shout and hit me and tell me how she never wanted kids and how I ruined her life by taking birth." Ansh squeezed my shoulder in comfort.
"I never really think much of what she said. She never said it in front of dad though. When I hit my teens, though, I went through what everybody goes through. You're trying to find out who you are and you're struggling to stay true to that person when the people around you seem so different from you. You're asking yourself, is it me? Puberty makes you a really moody fucker, but for me it was only exacerbated when my parents accidently let it slip that I was unwanted. Mom basically told me that she was ambitious and she didn't want kids and neither did dad. But I was an accident."
I sighed.
"I'm sorry Kiara." Ansh said.
"Hey its fine. I don't care if I was an accident. I was here and I was here to live. But teenage could really fuck with your head. I wanted attention. Which I never had from my parents. I would always get attention when I created some trouble but otherwise mom and dad were always busy. They would often leave me alone at home, often talk over me, often didn't made time for any of my stuff. It was all okay until I started seeing the stark difference between mine and other people's families. I mean, I saw how Aaliyah's parents would shower her with love and kisses and gifts. And I never had that you know.
"Between me and my parents, it was just an hour long conversation every night at dinner about random shit. We didn't hang out like other families or watched movies or went to vacations. At. Some point, it all just started fucking with my head. I wanted to feel loved. So, I decided to find myself a boyfriend." I chuckled. God, was I stupid. And insecure. And vulnerable. And just a child.
"Aaliyah found Vivaan when we were 16 and she was kind of this love sick puppy who almost forgot about me. I didn't blame her at all for that but I was lonely. So very lonely. The guys at my school were mostly stupid only dating for show off. So I decided I'll find someone older. So I did."
I exhaled deeply.
"I met him at a party. He was good looking. Three years older than me. A total bad boy. And something about him just attracted me. We flirted with each other. And that's it. He asked me out on a date. And then we were girlfriend and boyfriend. It was all okay for a month or two. I was successful at keeping it secret from everybody including Aaliyah, because I knew she wouldn't approve of him. I was happy but as our relationship progressed his demands increased. I was a naive girl and I didn't realise I was being used."

I recalled the first time I had sex because he almost threatened to breakup with me if I didn't. Way to make good decisions Kiara. I cried two days after losing my virginity. And he just said, 'get over it. You ain't the only girl in the world who lost it.' I don't know how I let him walk all over me like that. I didn't have much self worth, courtesy of the splendid upbringing by my parents.

Ansh touched my cheeks and I looked up at him. I didn't realise I had gone quiet on him. I gave him a smile and continued.
"So anyways, I did what he asked. Sneaked out at nights. Wore weird clothes. Put makeup on. Steal money from dad's wallet when he needed some. He taught me how to chainsmoke. I had a hard time getting rid of that addiction.
It was my seventeenth birthday, and nobody was home. I called Aaliyah but she cancelled on me saying she was with Vivaan. I was hurt. So I called him. He came over with a bottle of alcohol. I asked him where he got it. He didn't answer. Just told me that we should have fun and that its my 17th birthday. And since I always did what he asked, we got shitfaced. Especially me. Because I was just a kid and it hit me hard. Then like the trouble maker that I was, I came up with an amazing idea."

I put my elbows on my thighs and rubbed my face, trying to release some tension. I wish I could take that stupid drunk decision back. I would if I could.

"Hey! Its okay." Ansh rubbed my back.
He is being so patient. I have to get over with this sob story. I took a deep breath and finished it.
"Okay. So, I took my dad's car's keys which he left at home that day and told him to teach me how to drive. He told me that I was drunk and that its not a good idea. But I didn't listen to him. So he agreed. It was dark outside. I wasn't thinking. My head was all fuzzy and blurred. I was laughing so much. Turning the steering wheel in random direction. Increasing the speed. He was scared and tried to stop me. But I didn't listen to him.
"The car collided into someone. I saw that person fly back and fall weightlessly onto the road. I saw blood. I didn't know what to do. Then my beloved boyfriend shouted at me, 'What did you do, Kiara?!' And he opened the car's door amd climbed out. I sat there shocked and I thought he was going to help the person bleeding on the road. But guess what? He bolted in opposite direction. He ran away so fast and disappeared in the dark and I realised what a huge fuck up I've made. I never saw or heard from him ever again."
"Shit." Ansh cursed.
"Yeah. Shit. Somehow I called my dad and cried and asked him to come. I didn't get out of the car. I was so scared. I wanted to see if I killed someone but my muscles wouldn't move. Dad came not long after the call, put the guy in the car. His head wasn't bleeding, his pulse was going. So I relaxed as Dad drove us to the hospital. He didn't say anything to me, he didn't even ask me anything. I'm sure he already knew that I was drunk. Just before we entered the hospital, dad said just two words, 'Keep Quiet.' "

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