A GIRL LIKE YOU

49

I knocked on the door very lightly.
"You kidding me?" Ansh muttered and stepped up and knocked loudly on the door of my parent's home.
Deep breaths Kiara! You can do it!
The door opened after a minute and my mom stood there, in her maxi dress and messy hair. It's her newspaper reading time.
Yesterday, dad told me to give my mom a day to process everything I told dad. So that was why I didn't come yesterday. But today, was pretty much obvious and by the expression of my mom it seems that she is not surprised either.
I don't know what to say to her. So I just stood there waiting to be invited in. But before mom and I could stop staring, dad came up from behind and smiled at me and Ansh.
"Come in." Dad said and pulled my mom aside for us to enter. The familiar smell of home engulfed me as I entered inside while squeezing Ansh's hand.
"Ansh! Come on let's watch TV. I made coffee." Dad exclaimed suddenly and took Ansh away from me.
I tried to hold on to his hand but he gave me a reassuring smile as he left me there alone to deal with mom. I know this was dad's plan to leave mom and I to sort our differences out. Ansh seems to understand that, but that doesn't mean I'm not afraid that at some point dad would stand up and hit Ansh square in the face. I hope not. Dad is really trying.
Meanwhile mom just stood there staring at me not saying one word. I should apologise for leaving but I had my reasons which she may or may not understand. And I'm not here to make her understand, I'm here to make amends and put this behind us. So I did what I thought I'll never do with a affection less family like mine. I didn't say anything and I closed the distance between mom and I and put my hands slowly around her waist and pulled her in a hug. I rested my chin on her shoulder and just held on to her hoping that when I release her she'll give me some reaction- some emotion. I was tired of looking at her poker face. I want her to be mad at me, or happy which seems impossible. But instead she did completely opposite of what I thought she would do. She hugged me back tight and her body began shaking. She is crying. I felt the tears on my shoulder and her muffled sobs that broke out of her and tried to hold on to her tightly and let her cry. I shed a tear or two myself as we just stood there for what seems like hours.

***
"Do you want this?" Mom asked me, gesturing towards the cookies on the kitchen counter as I sat behind it and she stood on the other side. She handed me the cup of coffee and sat down herself beside me.
"So, I thought I was a pretty good mother, you know." I looked up at her as she continued, "but I guess I failed."
Oh dear! She looks so sad and remorseful.
"Mom that is not true. You did not fail!" I touched her hands to reassure her. Because I understand that she is a human being and she made some mistakes. That does not mean she failed.
"You never felt like you could tell me all of this. You were feeling so many things and I didn't even...I wasn't even there to tell you to not be that hard on yourself.I never noticed the missing dynamic of our relationship."
"Come on mom. Don't say all that. I wasn't a very big help either. I was always messing up."
"But you were my kid. And I made you feel like I resent you for your dad's arrest. Honest to god, I don't blame you for what happened years ago anymore Kiara. I forgave a long time ago."
"Mom it's all in the past. Just leave it at that. We can try and build a new relationship. The one we never had. Right?"
"I'm sorry Kiara. For shouting at you like that on your wedding day. For blaming you like that. I was just so afraid, that you ruined your life. I ran you off and then I didn't try to reach out because I was angry. But then your dad came and told me everything and I just- I've been feeling so guilty about it."
"Mom it's past. It's done. You did some things wrong. I did too. I never should have left like that. But can we please put it behind us? Please mom."
Mom looked at me with tears shining in her eyes, "I love you." She said and her voice cracked.
God, I've never heard my mom say that. She's never told me she loved me. She showed me a lot of time but the words were never uttered. And until this moment, I didn't realise how much I needed to hear this.
"I love you more." I said and wiped the tears off her face.
"I like Ansh." Mom whispered, a few minutes later.
"You do?" My face hung in a huge smile.
"Look at that smile. Your whole face just lightened up." Mom said.
I smiled even wider. Then I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of this moment. Never in my wildest dreams, I thought this day would unfold like this. I thought there would be shouting and blaming and what not.
"What?" Mom asked.
"Nothing. I just didn't think you and dad would be so easy going about it."
"We are trying."
Which I already knew. They are trying. For me. And that's all that matters.
"So we've made up, I see." Dad's voice came from the door. Mom and I looked at him standing there. I think he was there all along hearing this conversation.
Where is Ansh?
"He is watching the football game." Dad answered my unspoken question. He is a telepathic now.
He walked towards us. "Are we a happy family now?" I asked already giddy for the family I've longed for 23 years.
"Depends." Dad said and sat down in front of mom and I.
"On?" I asked.
"Ansh."
"Ansh?"
"Yes."
"I don't understand."
"I know you are an adult but this is India, Kiara. And if you want to be with Ansh, you two have got to be committed."
What?
"What?!"
"That means, if you don't want me hitting him square in the face ever again, he needs to commit to you. And I don't want a girlfriend boyfriend thing. I want him to honour my daughter and get engaged."
What?
"What?!"
"Look Kiara, your dad is right. You should-"
"Mom how long have we known each other. I can't force him into something like that."
"We can talk to his family."
"No!!!"

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