A GIRL LIKE YOU

53

"Hey, bring that small box from the living room too." I called out to Ansh.
Last night we slept on the floor. In the morning, I went back homr and told my parents I was at Aaliyah's. I don't think they bought it. But whatever.
Then after lunch, I got back here to get to work. But Aaliyah ditched me. She was supposed to help me set up my place.
But I'm not complaining becausr Ansh is here. Helping me. We've been working for hours. The sun is about set and we just ordered some food.
I put the last book in the shelf and looked at it dreamily. I love book shelves. They are my favourite thing in the whole world after roasted hicken and naked Ansh.
"Here." Ansh walked in and put the small brown box on the new bed which got delivered in the afternoon. He then put the good beside it.
I walked and looked at the box named 'Don't touch.'
"This is not the box I asked for." I said and picked the box and put it under the bed.
"I didn't see any other small box." Ansh frowned and sat down on the bed setting our plates.
"It's the one with books written on it." I said and sat down beside him.
"Eat first. Then I'll bring it." He said and gave me my plate.
We started eating in silence and then Ansh just had to ask, "What's in that box?" He asked almost hesitantly. Of course, he doesn't want me to feel like he is invading my privacy, not that there is anything I'd want to hide from him.
"Nothing."
"It said 'Don't touch.' Does it have journals?"
"You think I'm the kind who keeps journals?" I almost laughed.
"No, I don't. Then what is it?"
"Ansh..its nothing."
"Then why did you put it under the bed?"
"Because its trash."
"Why are you lying?"
"What?"
"Your body language says that you're lying."
"What are you? An FBI agent?"
"Its okay if you don't want to tell me. Just don't lie."
"Fine. It has all the names and details of the people that I stalked and killed."
Ansh snorted. "Now you're trying to deflect by joking. That tells me it has something important in it."
"Its trash." I repeated and got up to bring our plates to kitchen. I went to the bathroom after that.
A few minutes later when I walked in the room, I found Ansh sitting on the floor going through the stuff in that box.
Oh fuck!
"Ansh!" I said beforr I jumped and tried to wrestle the box away from him. "This is totally unacceptable. How dare you invadr my privacy like that? You went through this without my permission!"
I took the box away from him and stood up.
"I'm sorry Kiara. I was just curious. Just wanted to know what you're trying to hide from me." Ansh said as he dramatically bought his right hand from behind his back to the front and waved my diary from the box in front of me as he winked at me mockingly.
Asshole.
"Don't you dare open that!" I seethed it.
"There's a bunch of diaries in there. I'm guessing journals for every year. I picked out and hid the recent one."
"For the last time, they're not journals!" I shouted and dropped the box and advanced towards him.
"Well then, why are you so mad at me? If they're not journals then I'm guessing they aren't anything personal?"
"I hate you right now so much." I said before I tried to take the diary away from him. Ansh put his hand above hid head. He is taller then my by 5  or 6 inches. I tried to balanced on my tip toes to snatch it away but who am I kidding. I couldn't.
He is being a child. And maybr I am too. Because there's nothing in those diaries that I'm ashamed of. Its just that, I am afraid of what will follow after Ansh see that.
"Come on Kiara. Give me the permission to see whats in it."
"Do I have a choice!" I huffef amd backed away.
Whatever. Let him see. I'll handle whatever he will have to say about that.
"Good girl." Ansh chuckled and finally flipped the diary open.
I saw humour fled his face as he flipped pages after pages and a frown took over his face. He lookef up at me with hid eyes wide. I stood there with my hands folded to my chest. I can take whatever he has to say.
"These are brilliant!" He said.
Okay. I wasn't expecting that. Be must be joking. I gave him a whatever expression and snatched the diary away from him.

My diaries. When I was a teenager I used to love to design dresses. I would buy the diaries and loved how those blank diaries smelled. And then I would sit down in my room for hours and put my creativity, my thoughts, my ideas and colours together on those pages. I loved doing that. I was obsessed with dresses and shoes. I once told my mom and dad that after school I would like to go into fashion designing. I got a big No from them. Because they wanted me to have a more consistent career. I did not care though. I was ready to fight them about it. But then, everything went down, dad got arrested, I lost hope and I put those diaries in box and stored them away. I still design sometimes when I'm free or don't feel like doing anything else. It just became a hobby over the years. A hobby I don't tell anyone.
"Very funny!" I said and ignored Ansh.
"Why are you upset? I'm not lying Kiara! Those designs were amazing!"
"I'm upset because this-" I gestured towards the box-"is trash. And I don't want you telling me that its something good or special."
"Why the hell not?!"
Because then I'll be drowning in the ocean of self loathing. I'll be imagining how different my life would've been if I hadn't done what I did that stupid night. I'll be feeling pity for myself thinking about what could've been.
"Because I don't want to heart it!"
"Kiara..." Ansh said amd walked towards me. He picked out one diary and opened a random page. "This is talent." He pointed at the page. "You are talented. Don't hide away from it."
"Easier said than done."
"Kiara... You need to believe in yourself."
"Again, easier said than done."
"Sit!" Ansh said and I obeyed. "Now tell me what's the issue here."
"I don't want to."
"Kiara if you don't tell me why you are hiding away from your own fucking talent then I'll walk out of this place and won't come back untill you agree to tell me."
"You are threatening me!"
"No, I'm giving you a warning. Now talk."
I looked at him. He is not going to give up. I huffef and told him about my pity party.

A good ten minutes later Ansh finally said, "You can still become a fashion designer, you know."
"Its too late."
"Its never too later. All you need is someone to believe in you. And I believe in you."
"Ansh its just a hobby now. I gave up on that dream like forever ago."
"And I understand why you did that. But now that you are finally finding your footing back, don't you want to live the life you dreamt of? At the end of the day, do you really want to live a life that you chose for yourself or the one you settled for?"

His words were like a train that hit me hard and knocked me out. I always knew how boring my life was. How I liked my work but was never passionate about it. How I let my insecurities make me let go of the one thing that used to calm me back when I was a kid. How I punished myself for my dad's arrest by silently giving up on my dream and doing what my parent's wanted me to. How much I let that one mistake define all these years of my life.
I fucking wasted all these years of my life. God, how is it that  I'm only realising it now? I'm only realising it now that I deserve better. I want to do better for myself. I want to be what I promised myself I would be when I was 15. I want to chose my life and not settle for it.
I looked up into his eyes. I love this man. I love him so much.
"You would help me?"
It was whisper. I might not need his help, just his support. Because it will be a long journey before I finally find my footing into the new career but I want to give it a try. It all may blew up in my face, but for once I want to take a risk for myself. I have to let myself jump off that cliff in hope that I'll fly and not fall face down on the ground.
"Always." Ansh said and smiled and hugged me tight.

...