A GIRL LIKE YOU

14

Do you have those moments in your life when you're sitting in a room full of people who are talking to you, but you're not really in that moment? Like you're an outsider standing on the out lines looking at that moment from a third person's point of view? I know it sounds stupid. But that's the thing I am feeling lately with my life.
Its like everything's happening so fast right in front of my eyes. The wedding preparations. The dates with Aarav. The plans with Aaliyah. Everything is going on and I am just this outsider looking at all of it. Its like I am living those moments and I am not lost in my head but then again I am not really living, I am just going with it. Looking at all of it as an outsider.
To an actual outsider it would seem as if I'm the happy bride. But in reality I'm not happy. But guess what? I'm not sad either. I'm just empty, I guess. I don't feel anything about this wedding. Anything at all.

I thought I'll probably feel nervous but here I am sitting in front of a mirror dressed as a bride and I still don't feel anything. Yes, it's been 3 months since that awful date with Aarav. 3 months since I've seen or heard from Ansh. Ansh is now locked in some box situated at some remote corner of my head. I don't think about him anymore. I try really hard not to. Because when I think about him, I think about the what-ifs. What if I had met Ansh first? What if Ansh was the one I was getting married to? What if.....? The list goes on. So I made myself stop. So did Aaliyah. In fact she is the one who blocked him from my social media.
Anyways, Aarav and I are good. He is still friends with Meera. We know each other enough to get married. We even kissed once, and I did not feel anything. I didn't really gave it much thought. I probably didn't feel anything because well, lets just say that Aarav's not a great kisser. So we told each other that we'll work on that part of our marriage after the marriage.
Aarav's nice. He definitely did not made me fall in love with him, but I did warm up to the idea of him being my husband in the past three months.
"I wanna cry!" Aaliyah entered the room.
She is at that stage of her pregnancy where she is super horny, super moody, super emotional. Her huge belly just made me smile a little.
"About what now?" I asked her. She cried so much on the bachelorette she threw me, we ended up crying and drinking all night.
"You look so pretty." She said in her squeaky voice and came and sat beside me to look at me in the mirror. I do look pretty. The 2 day long parlour treatement and 5 hour long makeup will do that to you.
"You too." I tell her. She doesn't look the hottest bestfriend of the bride, like I did at her wedding. I got so many guys messaging me after that. But she looks like this chubby adorable pregnant women who cries a lot.
"I can't believe you are getting married!" She squeaked again. She needs to stop crying, or I'll start crying and then the makeup will be ruined. So I hugged her, tight.
"I'm gonna miss you." She said amd squeezed me in her chubby arms.
"I'm not going anywhere, silly." I released her as she sniffled.
"Did you decide a place for honeymoon yet?"
"No we haven't. I haven't talked to him since monday."
Today is Wednesday. We've been busy.
"Oh." Aaliyah said and sat down on my hotel room bed which only has enough space for her. All the gifts and everything is in this room including my luggage and shit.
"I just saw Ansh."
I don't know why but my heart started beating so fast. I don't want it to. But I heard his name after so long. Aarav don't talk about him much. Ansh hasn't been this close to me ever since that night. I never went back to hang out at Aarav's place again. We would only meet in restaurants.
"Really?" I manage to say. I don't even know how I'm going to face him everyday when he lives right across the hall.
"Yeah. Girls are totally eyeing him like hawks. He is the most handsome bachelor out there."
My heart beatings slowed down a little. I sighed. Ansh is not mine. I'm sure he already has a girlfriend by now.
"You can still run away, Kiara. I'm giving you a last chance. I'll handle shit." Aaliyah said and I burst into laughter.
I said the exact same thing to Aaliyah on her wedding day.
I guess I would've felt like running if I was nervous. But I don't feel anything. Not really.
"Girls, be ready. Its only half an hour." Mom stuck her head in the door and said. She's been coming to tell me this like a countdown ever half an hour. I think she is just checking up on me. Maybe she thinks I'll run away. Whatever. I gave her a thumbs up.
Mom looked at me and gave me that smile, she's been giving me for days now. Its the smile that says I'm proud of you. Which makes all of this worth it. Cause my mom has never been proud of me before.
She closed the door and I sighed again. I am going to miss mom.
"I am going to go find something to eat. I am starving." Aaliyah said."Do you want something?"
"No. I don't." I am already tired with all the makeup I'm carrying.
"Okay. I'll be right back." She said and left. She hasn't left my side for days now. I kind of am relaxed to have the room to myself finally. With countless guests, I almost feel suffocated.
I want to be left alone for a little while with my singlehood thoughts. I'll be married tomorrow. God, its still not sinking in.
I gaze out the window and look at the decorations. The flowers make it look beautiful and the sappy wedding songs just complete the whole look.
I wanted to have a night ceremony but Aarav's family wanted the day one. So it 12 in the morning, the weather's not so bad.
I see my dad talking to someone. I am going to miss him so much. That man has done so much for me. So much.
A knock on the door startled me. It's not mom or Aaliyah. They never knock. I hope its not one of my cousins or colleagues. I want to be left alone.
I swung the door open and my heart skipped a beat when I looked at Ansh standing in front of me.

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