DESTINATION

SAVAGE

"one that cannot be tamed

not to be caged

not to be cared

one that is savage"

-100618

I wonder what she's thinking right now. After what happened to us, we never talked again. I never heard her sweet voice that gives me peace, never saw her smile that gives me chills, and I never felt home again.

There's this line from the television series Westworld, "take my heart as you go". I'm not sure if it is "as" or "when", it would have a different meaning, but I just tend to forget some details out of something. I told her that very line during our break up. I just really hate her "go with the flow" mentality. It took a toll on us, drifting from one situation to another without a clear vision, lead to us breaking up. She hates it when I expect something from her, and I just can't understand. I made it clear to her, that if I stop expecting something out of her, then it means I'm basically giving up on her. She can't see the reasons of my expectations. I expect her to do the things, like stand up for herself, not for me. It's for her. But she keeps saying these things that I expect too much, even though all of my expectations for her would lead to bringing the best out of her.

"Where am I?"

I had no fucking clue at first. I drifted with thoughts and memories of the past, together with a glimpse of how amazing she is. I could barely comprehend the song that's playing on my headphones. I looked at my phone and it's Arcade Fire's We Don't Deserve Love, how about that? Maybe we really don't deserve love after all. I looked at my watch and it's almost 12 in the afternoon. I saw that the food I ordered was already done. The people in front of me earlier have left. How long have I drifted?

I put my phone back in my pocket and left the establishment. I decided to burn another cigarette, and this time, I chose to listen to One Republic's Wherever I Go.