DESTINATION

FIX

"how can you fix me

If the pieces are broken?

How should I begin?"

-102918

I stayed outside of the coffee shop as I watch the rain slows its beautiful yet melancholic dance. I smoked a cigarette and this time, I listened to Of Monsters and Men's Slow and Steady. The emptiness that rained over me when the letter that I wrote flew with the drops of the cloud suddenly disappeared. In turn, I felt a sudden rush to smile for a reason that I can't fully grasp.

Somehow, the coffee made me remember a flavour that I haven't tasted in a while. I was sitting alone for almost an hour inside the cafe, just gazing at the blue of the colors in that place. Somehow, somehow I realized what I have been missing all this time.

The rain finally stopped after a few minutes, and I tossed the cigarette butt in the bin as I head back to the nearest station.

I rode the train again, and this time, I'm heading back home.

It was pretty crowded, and the amount of sweating umbrellas inside is incalculable. But I still have that smirk, that smile that I had earlier. But this time, it's not visible outside, it flows seamlessly inside. I laid my head on the other side of the train and listened to the Begin Again playlist. This time, I decided to listen to Tell me if you want to go home. I watch as images of wet roads, crying roofs, and signs of life quickly pass by.

After arriving at the station, I hopped on a jeepney and landed just in time for my destination. I went inside the apartment just right across the tall buildings that populate most of the space around ASEANA. It was a simple, yet well presented apartment that is near to places such as malls, restaurants, and specifically a hospital.

After signing in at the front desk, I went ahead to the first room located at the ground floor. I knocked twice, and my dad opened the door. He's a bit shock that I visited without him knowing beforehand, but he has that smile in his face, just as I remembered earlier. He still uses his crutches to help him out, thankfully he is walking so much better than a few years back.

We moved our parents in this apartment a year ago as a gift of gratitude for everything that they have done for us. Together with my siblings, we're saving more money to eventually join them in this place. We decided to choose this specific apartment for the very reason that it is near the dialysis center that my dad goes to twice a week, Tuesdays and Saturdays to be exact.

As we settle in our seats, my dad greeted me with his dad instincts that never fail to work.

"What did you drink last night? Some hard shit I guess."

Without a story or even the scent of it, and no matter how Oscar worthy my movements are, I could probably get six nominations on this one, but he still gets it.

"I don't even remember if I got drunk last night paps. I've been drifting here and then for the past couple of weeks."

"You have to take it easy. You don't want to get what I got eh. There's nothing wrong with having fun, just make sure you take care of yourself."

"Yes paps."

I told him about what's been going for the past couple of months, and for the first time, I even opened what I've been feeling and the thoughts that have been tearing me apart. At first, I thought that he will go classic paps on me, lecturing me about things that I already know and that will lead to just endless banter.

Instead, in his unusual calm voice, "no man is an island. Nobody can live on his own. Everything that you do, is and will never be all you."

"There are other people with you L, not just you. Us, your Mom and I, your friends, and even her, we are all part of you. Just as you are a part of us. "

"Look at me son, if I'm doing this all on my own, you're visiting a grave right now probably. But I'm still here, not because I'm some bad grass, maybe I am. But seriously, I'm still here because of your mom, and all of you. I carry you all with me, the puzzle won't be complete without its pieces. That's why I hope you forgive me for the way that I have treated you during those times that I'm losing hope. I never meant it to go that way."

"I know paps, I understand that you really don't mean it." I smiled as I shed a tear or two. I hugged my dad as the river flowed out of my eyes. And there I was, a broken glass, that somehow managed to find its way to begin again.

I had my merienda with paps afterwards as we talk about anything and everything out of the blue, from music, films, news, and his teenage memories. I've heard these stories more than I could even count ever since I was a little kid. But unlike my dad, the stories never get old. In these stories, my dad expressed his joy with his guys when they don't even give a damn what the future will throw back at them. Sharing it to me, in a way he's also sharing the joy with me, through a story telling that nobody can take away from him.

I said goodbye to paps a few hours later and went home. I took a nice shower after a long day. I could feel the pain and debris falling out of me as I let the water drown me in a healing ocean. I opened my computer and asked Gin to help me with a to do list.

"Hey Gin, search for schools that are in need of a math teacher and pass them the requirements needed."

"You're going back sensei? That's great news."

"Hell yeah, and put a note on my desktop about writing a novel. I always wanted to do something like that ever since I was in highschool."

"Okay sensei. By the way, you have a text message."

"From her?"

"She said yes, she's free tomorrow night."